


In the Death Cell

by Sukie_Kagamine



Category: Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018), Bohemian Rhapsody (Movie 2018) Actor RPF, Queen (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, F/M, Friendship, Injury Recovery, M/M, Mother Hen Brian May, Multi, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2020-03-04
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:40:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 65,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21695518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sukie_Kagamine/pseuds/Sukie_Kagamine
Summary: It was supposed to be another wonderful day at the set of Bohemian Rhapsody. It was, to Gwil, until the worst nightmare he never knew he had happened in front of his eyes, and he couldn't do anything about it. It was suffocating - one second earlier, he was still on the recreated Live aid stage, practicing for the greatest rock concert of all time, and one second later, there was blood everywhere. And he saw with his own eyes, every single moment of it.
Relationships: Ben Hardy & Gwilym Lee & Rami Malek & Joe Mazzello, Ben Hardy/Gwilym Lee, Brian May & Roger Taylor, Lucy Boynton/Rami Malek
Comments: 175
Kudos: 125





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Million Stars Above You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17723222) by [QueenOfAllCorgis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfAllCorgis/pseuds/QueenOfAllCorgis). 



> So, this is a work inspired by QueenofallCorgis' A million stars above you. I was just thinking what if that tragic event happened to the BoRhap cast instead of the band, and how it would unfold in the modern day.
> 
> Of course there'll be a lot of changes from the original work, so I promise you that you can still be surprised and can still enjoy this after reading A million stars above you.
> 
> It's a wonderful Maylor fanfic, you HAVE to check it out!
> 
> By the way, this is simply a product of my imagination, this never happened in real life and if you know any of the people I wrote here, please don't mention this to them

It was supposed to be another wonderful day at the set of Bohemian Rhapsody. It was, to Gwil, until the worst nightmare he never knew he had happened in front of his eyes, and he couldn't do anything about it. It was suffocating - one second earlier, he was still on the recreated Live aid stage, practicing for the greatest rock concert of all time, and one second later, there was blood everywhere. And he saw with his own eyes, every single moment of it.

It was Ben, his brain told him. His too slow brain. Ben was the one right next to him, just like how Roger was right next to Brian, because they played the two legends together in this movie. They were wearing the same white shirts and dark trousers, wigs and instrument. They were only a few inches away. Maybe none at all. 

And he didn't do anything, didn't even move, when a shadow rushed onto their stage and grabbed Ben, stabbing repeatedly on his chest and stomach with a knife. Sometimes Rami tried to make him feel better by telling him that no one was quick enough to do anything in that moment, either, not even him or Joe who were practically a few feet away, but Gwil could never get the burning guilt off his chest. They were a few feet away. But he was right there. He was even having Ben in his arm. And all he did was watching the blade sunk itself into the flesh, cutting through the thin, white material of the shirt and was pulled out to stab into another place, shedding even more blood. 

The whole world stopped in its place, no one moved when the blond man desperately tried to push the man with the knife away. He let out terrified gasps, hands trying to stop the cruel motions but they were all too fast and life was drained out of him the moment it came to an end. Finally, someone from the crew, probably the first one to get their shit together, ran up to punch the stabber down, and after him, people started to get awake. Some other men came to hold the stabber down and take the bloody knife away, too, but that was the least he could care about right now. All he could see was the dying man falling onto the floor with blood coloring his plain white shirt, soaking his skin, soaking the white floor beneath him. Before he could think, he was already right next to Ben, holding the man up.

"Oh God, oh God, Ben, are you--" His voice broke when he realized how stupid his question sounded. _"Are you okay"_? _How_ could someone be okay? The blond's face was starting to get colorless, much like his surroundings, and bright contrast to the blood that kept flowing from his wounds. The dark red, warm liquid covered Gwil's hands, making him shiver.

"Someone call the medics!" He heard a faint shout behind him, a lot like the voice of Rami, and Joe's shaky voice in his ears telling him to put pressure on the wound with some cloths.

But there were so _many_ wounds.

Ben's glassy green eyes were staring up at him, at them, at everyone, screaming in pain when his mouth couldn't, and the brunet fell into a pit of spiraling fear. There were so much blood. So many wounds. So many stabs, from where his memory served. Into Ben's chest, right where his heart and lungs were. The man was gasping, chest rose and fell erratically, hands grabbing so tight into Gwil's shirt he thought it was about to tear. The blond looked so terrified, and Gwil was, too, because they both knew what was coming. And it was coming fast.

"Ben, Ben, hey, hey, stay with me." The taller man lowered his voice at the blond, tried to keep his voice from breaking. Ben tried, but he was getting more and more exhausted every second, and the bleeding hadn't stopped for a minute. "Nothing's gonna happen. The medics are on their way. They know how to help you. You'll be fine."

"It's--" Ben's voice was hoarse and trembling as he gripped Gwil's shirt, every breath difficult. "It _hurts_ \--"

"I know, but it'll end soon." If there was a way for him to stop the pain, he would do anything. Gwil didn't realize his face was drenched in tears as he hopelessly tried to push into the wounds. "They'll--"

"The medics are here!" Joe yelled and pulled him away from Ben. The man took a few seconds to let go, but Joe's force was so much stronger. They all knew what was more urgent. 

The doctors and nurses flooded the set, surrounding the man lying on the ground, trying to win back his life. From behind them, Gwil could see nothing, but Rami and Joe were right next to him, faces as horrified as his. It was all quiet aside from the whispers and orders of the doctors, and they just stared into each other's eyes, too much in shock to form words. Finally, Gwil rasped.

"I was _right there_. I was standing right next to him." The man looked at the crowd in disbelief. "And I did nothing."

"That guy came out of nowhere." Rami sighed, covering his face with his hands. "I--We were all too shocked to--"

"God, I just hope that he's gonna be okay," Joe bit his lip and paced around, face crumbling. "Who-Why would someone do that? _How coul_ d they?"

"Rami! Gwil! Joe!" Suddenly Brian May was running to them, checking them for wounds, Roger Taylor came short after. "Are you boys okay? No one else is hurt?"

They all shook their head, and the older men let out a sigh of relief. Brian patted Gwil's shoulder gently. "God, we were so worried. We were only three feet away watching the rehearsal when it happened and then it became chaos--we were scared that you got hurt, too."

"They captured the one who attacked him." Roger assured them, fire burning in his blue eyes. "We'll have him questioned and he'll pay for what he did."

"Thank you so much for worrying." Rami gave Brian a tight hug, Joe and Gwil after that, and they started to get a bit less dizzy. "We just hope Ben will get through this. God. Why would someone do that to him?"

Gwil's attention was suddenly captured by the ambulance pulling into the set, and a stretcher was pulled out from its back and pushed to where he was lying. They were taking Ben to the hospital.

"I'm coming to the hospital with him." He said, searching in his pocket for his car keys.

"We'll all go." Brian stopped him, voice warm and calming, but did nothing in slowing his racing heart. "But we'll need to change out from all of this."

"Change?" Gwil blinked rapidly. Why was Brian concerning their looks when--

"You're covered in blood." Rami whispered to him, and he looked down. He was the one holding Ben the whole time, and all the blood soaked his clothes as well. The other two's clothes also had blood on them, but not nearly as much as his. Even his hands were dark red. It was terrifying. Seeing this much blood coming out of Ben's body… Will… Will he make it?

"Let's get back to our trailer for a shower and meet here after fifteen." Roger suggested. "Then we'll drive you to the hospital. We called for the best surgeons and doctors to help him, there's nothing we can do but waiting now."

The three young men nodded and parted ways back to their trailers, heads still spinning from the stress and adrenaline. 

.

.

.

When Gwil turned on the water, the warm liquid washed over his body made him shiver and immediately snapped it off. He groaned as he crossed his arms and looked up into the ceiling, sighing as tears started to gather at the corner of his eyes. Fuck. The feelings of warm blood in his hands were still there, and bathing himself in something similarly warm almost suffocating. The flash of Ben's green, desperate eyes kept making its way through his brain, haunting him. At that moment, he felt like--no, he _was_ , the most helpless person in the world. The man let out a huff and turned it back on again, changed it to cold water.

After rinsing off the color that was starting to get dark and letting a great deal of tears freely flow off his face, he numbly put on some random clothes and walked out of his trailer. Everyone was waiting for him inside Brian's car for probably a while. He might have taken too long with his stupid fear. Ben was in critical condition, he should be the last one in the world to make a fuss. He wasn't the one being stabbed, after all.

Gwil got into the car, squeezing himself next to Joe and stayed quiet on their way to the hospital. Brian eyed him worriedly through the mirror, but said nothing but some simple statements about Ben's hospital and how it was the best one in Hertfordshire that anyone could ever find. Joe squeezed his arm and gave him a reassuring look, but he just nodded and turned away. 

When they arrived in the emergency waiting room, the blond was still in his surgery. The men weren't allowed to get inside, and was arranged to sit in a row of chairs outside of the ER. No one came out to tell them about Ben's condition, obviously because they were too busy with the surgery. The clock ticked by every minute, making Gwil's skin crawl with guilt.

"Gwil, are you alright?" A soft, gentle voice asked him, and he snapped his head aside to see Lucy standing next to him, currently looking at him with her calming eyes. He had no idea when she arrived, since she wasn't there with them at the Live aid set in the morning. She had already perfected her job at that scene and was moved to another location to prepare for the next. 

"Yeah, sure." He cringed at how his voice jumped up an octave, but decided to ignore it and pretended to be normal. "It's Ben we should worry about."

"Everyone's worrying about Ben." The young blonde woman gently touched his arm. "But no one paid attention to you. You, Rami, Joe, all of you. You've been through something horrible, too, and I want to make sure that you're okay."

"Well, is Rami okay?" Gwil raised his eyebrows, knowing exactly how the relationship between her and Rami was developing. They were the shy, adorable couple that everyone envied all the time.

"He and Joe said that I should spend time talking to you more." She rolled her eyes. "They're both concerned about you, Gwil. They told me you were only inches away from the attacker and witnessed the whole thing. It must have been nightmarish."

"It's not the scene that was nightmarish, Lucy." Gwil laughed dryly, covering his eyes. "It's me. I stood right next to him and I didn't do anything to stop that man from attacking him. Now he's in there, dying at any second and--if I could react any faster, just one second--"

Lucy hugged him. It was not what he expected. He expected her to say the things Rami and Joe had been telling him over and over, that it was not his fault and everyone was also too shocked to do anything. But Lucy probably knew and simply gave him a tight, warm hug. It somehow grounded him so much more than others' words. At least he believed her when she whispered to him, "Everything's gonna be fine. Ben's gonna be fine."

Suddenly Joe and Rami appeared out of nowhere to join them in a group hug, and in their arms, Gwil tried to hold back tears. They only knew each other for more than a month and they already had to deal with so much of his shit. He could feel Brian and Roger's soft eyes on them, and he allowed himself to relax a bit. Of course, it was still his fault. It's just he got less panicked and had some hope about Ben's condition. It was scary, truly scary, to see someone so frightened, so desperate and could do nothing about it, but Ben would recover - he had to - and when he does, Gwil would be here to make up for his stupid mistake.

"You know, he's just started to open up to me and my messing around on set for a few days." Joe looked at all of them, and they all broke into a small smile. Joe and all of his off-camera drama. "He's not the talkative, outgoing kind of guy at all, unlike me, so it might take him a while, but we finally became best friends."

"Best friends?" Lucy raised an eyebrow, and the rest of them laughed. "Your friendship mostly contains you doing weird, ridiculous things on Instagram and him awkwardly joining you."

"Still!" The redhead man protested. "At least I got him to talk! You two lovebirds never actually paid attention to him enough to know." He ignored Rami and Lucy's complaint and turned to Gwil. "And maybe if you stopped being the Prince Charming for one second so Ben can actually stop stuttering and blushing every time he speaks to you, you might talk to him more often!"

"What?" Gwil stared at him. "What do you mean? Ben _hates_ me."

" _ **What**_?!" The other three said in unison, and the tall man scratched his head.

"He keeps avoiding me. I mean, he seems like a quiet and observing person, so at first I thought he's like that to everyone, but then I realized he goofs around with Joe all the time." Gwil shrugged uneasily. "And he spent time applying face masks with Lucy and he talks with Rami about his favorite book, so I guess he's just keeping himself distant from me alone."

"Well, that's true. That's totally true." Joe threw his hands in the air. "But not because he hates you!"

"Oh, stop with your weird matchmaking thing, I'm pretty sure he's not even bi, much less gay." Gwil rolled his eyes, threw the closed door a quick worrying glance. Even when the atmosphere in the room was lightened up from their chat, his insides were still in knots, thinking about what was happening in the emergency room. "I've never seen him blushing or anything."

"God, you are just oblivious, aren't you." Joe shook his head in defeat. Gwil didn't know how his secret tiny little crush on Ben was still safe with this man until now - he had the biggest mouth anyone in the world could have. To be fair, he told Lucy and Rami right after he found out. Not like the two of them needed someone to tell them. "Am I the only one here think that if you take a shot at him, you're so gonna have to thank me later for that advice?"

"Say what," Rami chimed in. "How about after this, you ask him out? You know, after all of this. When he recovered. It's gonna be quick."

_You're not even sure if he can make it after today,_ Gwil's inner voice whispered, making him tightened his grip. He didn't voice it, of course, but the sudden change in his expression made the other three forgot about the earlier conversation.

"He's gonna survive and recover. I know it." Rami pressed his lips together, looking back straight into Gwil's unsure eyes. "Promise me you'd ask him out after this."

The man just nodded and swallowed an invisible lump down his throat. That seemed like the most difficult thing in the world for him a few days ago, but right now, he just wished that Ben could be here for him to do it.

**To be continued**


	2. Chapter 2

_ Bohemian Rhapsody star Ben Hardy, earlier today became the victim of a vicious attack right on the set of the movie in Hertfordshire. The attacker managed to break through the security guards and blended in with the cast and crew to approach the main actors in the middle of filming and launched his attack at Ben Hardy, playing Roger Taylor. The actor is currently in a critical condition in Hertfordshire General, while the attacker has been arrested and is being questioned by the local police. The incident was an alarm to remind us about the safety of celebrities-- _

Lucy reached for the remote and turned the television off. Gwil snapped his head to her direction and received a firm gaze.

"It's late, Gwil. We've been here whole day." She spoke quietly, but her voice stern. "If you're not gonna rest, at least do something quiet so Joe and Rami can get some sleep."

"You guys don't have to be here." Gwil returned her stare. Next to them, the redhead draped over the row of waiting chairs, snoring slightly in his sleep while the Egyptian man was leaning his head on Lucy's shoulder, dozing on and off. "You can go back to the hotel or something, it's not like waiting here can make him recover any faster. Brian and Roger already left."

"And here you are." The blonde woman sighed. "We can't just leave you alone here all night."

"I'm gonna be fine. You made me eat dinner, remember?" He rolled his eyes, and Lucy crossed her arms.

"The surgery is already finished, Gwil. Ben cannot be in danger much longer." She let out a huff. "Just some more hours and we can see him. Why can't you just let yourself relax a little?"

"I don't know, Lucy!" He snapped, quickly covered his mouth when Joe stirred. "Maybe it's because I still haven't seen him! I don't know how he is! I don't know if he--remembers anything about the attack. If he remembers me being there, doing nothing."

"Gwil. Why are you here?" She straightened her back. "Because you care about his well being? Or just because you're guilty of something you cannot change?"

The man bit his lip and looked away. He rubbed his eyes in exhaustion. If he returned to his hotel or trailer, the most likely was going to happen was that he stayed up all night thrashing and turning on his bed, with the visions of what happened with Ben flashing before his eyes. Even when he was wide awake like this, the horrendous scene kept playing again and again in his head, how can he hope to get any sleep? At least staying here waiting can ease the fire burning his insides. So when the door opened for visitors, he could get in and actually see Ben. The blond man had been transferred to another room to recover from the successful surgery and somehow they still couldn't get in to see him. Gwil wasn't sure what to expect, but all he wanted was to get in there. Maybe asking Ben for forgiveness.

"I'm getting to the loo." He stood up from his seat. "You should rest a little."

The taller man didn't make out the things Lucy tried to say to him after that, just left the waiting room and headed out. She probably guessed his intention, but he couldn't care less. Just one minute with Ben, that's all he needed. To see that the blond was fine with his own eyes. Quietly slipping in, quietly slipping out, no one had to know. And then maybe he could finally tell himself to get some sleep.

Gwil sprinted up the dark stairs, careful not to make any sound. He crossed the hallway of the emergency room - it was really a horror movie kind of background in the old and quiet hospital, but he was in no mood for that. Next cross section then turn left... He had his time to study the map of the hospital in the afternoon when he lounged in the waiting room, and he knew exactly which way he should take to get to Ben's room. It might take a few minutes longer than the shortest route, but he could avoid seeing the--

"Hey! Who's there?" Shit, Gwil swore in his head. The security guard. The one and only security guard in the entire hospital. The reason why he still ran into that guy despite the huge area of the building was beyond him. He turned around and put the most charming smile on.

"Hi. I'm a patient's family member, I'm just looking for the--"

"Oh, hey, you're the one playing Brian May, right? I'm Queen's biggest fan!" The man brought the flashlight closer to Gwil's face, making him wince, but kept the smile on nonetheless. Bingo.

"Yes, yes! My colleague, you know, the one playing Roger Taylor in that movie about Queen? He's in here, and I'm waiting for my turn to get to see him." He carefully explained to the guard, a chubby man with a mustache and a giant flashlight that kept waving in his face. "I'm just looking for the bathroom--"

"Well, clearly you aren't, because there's a huge map in the waiting room saying the bathroom is in the other side of the building, and I saw you staring at it earlier." The man looked up at Gwil's face, and for the first time, he felt threatened by someone not nearly as tall as him. His eyes were sharp as he looked at Gwil up and down skeptically.

"Uhh, I--"

"Where exactly are you going?" The man let out a long sigh and shifted in his spot. "I heard the news, you were in the incident too, right? Why aren't you at home resting?"

"I--" Gwil pushed at his temples, the headache from lack of sleep was slowly killing him. "It's complicated. Listen, I don't want to cause any trouble--"

"Are you looking for your friend's room? The one playing Roger Taylor?" The security man fixed his gaze to Gwil's face, voice went soft. "You've been waiting here with the other actors for hours on end."

"I was on the set with him this morning." Gwil spilled it out, not having any other choice. "I reacted too slowly - I don't understand how - but the attacker got to him because of me. I could have saved him and I didn't. I know it sounds crazy, but I just want to have a look to know that he's really fine and ask for his forgiveness. Please don't kick me out."

The security man kept the same stern look on him, not moving out of his path. His hands were on his hips as he stared at Gwil.

The taller man nodded in defeat. "I'm not really allowed to be in there to see him, so I guess I'm just gonna leave…"

The man didn't reply when he rigidly turned around, heading back to the waiting room. Only until he was almost ten feet away did the man called him. 

"Hey."

"What's the matter?" Gwil turned around, and the security guard nodded towards the rooms. 

"Just five minutes. Come on, I'll open the door for you." Gwil's face must have brightened up quite a bit, because the other man winced and slapped his shoulder. "Just five minutes."

It was better than sneaking in and hoping that he wouldn't get caught by anyone. Gwil was never a quiet mouse - whenever he tried to steal biscuits from the fridge at night when he was little, he would always knock something over and expose himself. Having the security man accompanying him was nice. Telling a stranger about his guilt and irrational wish was the last thing he wanted to do, but the older man seemed to understand. Or maybe because his face was just too pathetic and the man took pity on him.

They finally stopped at where Ben seemed to be staying in, and the older man fumbled with his key card to open the door. They got inside quietly and turned on the light. 

Gwil quickly got to where Ben was lying unconscious in his bed, too exhausted after the surgery to know what was going on around him. Gwil's heart went up in his throat as he looked at the sleeping blond on the white sheet of the hospital bed, looking like he had just aged ten more years.

Why would someone want to see him dead so badly? Ben's pale complexion was almost identical to the sheet under him, making Gwil's chest ache. It had only been a day and the blond was already looking like someone else. His blond locks no longer shiny and soft on his scalp, lips were no longer had their slightly pink shade that made Gwil's heart flutter, and his green eyes were tightly shut. The dark shadow of his eyelashes covered his cheeks. So lifeless and quiet, not the same kind of beautifully and calmingly quiet he normally was, but the grim, dark kind, making the irrational fear in Gwil's head grew even more. He was still gorgeous, more than anyone Gwil could remember. Just not as nearly as normal, when he was lying in a hospital bed like this, with all sorts of machines and wires attached to his body. The heart monitor was beeping rhythmically by the bedside, oxygen mask covering his face, linking him and the large tank. IV infusion bottles dangling on the hook upon the bed, slowly dripping drugs into his veins. It was almost impossible to recognize the same fascinating, mysterious, alluring man from yesterday was this one, on the sick bed, and Gwil just wanted to kill himself. He let that happen. He let that attacker got his way. He put Ben there.

He reached out a shaky hand to gently touch the side of the blond's face, anxiously searching for any sign of consciousness. It was all in vain, he knew. He was lucky Ben survived the attack, he knew. He just wished the man could wake up and look at him with those crystal green eyes again. 

"Mr…" He looked up at the security guard, suddenly realizing he didn't even bother to look at the man's name tag. "Henchberg."

"What is it, young man?" The older man sighed. "I can only allow you for five minutes, I already said so."

"Yes, I know, but--" Gwil buried his face in his hands. "Please?" He looked up at the other man, blue eyes sparkling. "I don't know what I'm gonna do if I go home and come back tomorrow with him already gone, Henchberg. Can you _please_ break the rule for me this one more time?"

The security man groaned. He paced back and forth a few times, looking at the other two people in the room, and then huffed. "Fine. I can't believe I'm doing this. Fine, consider it something a Queen fan would do. Do not tell anyone about this, okay?"

Gwil shook his head immediately, a grateful smile bloomed on his face. He waved goodbye as the security man closed and locked the door behind him, before sending a quick text to the rest of the BoRhap cast. _I got into Ben's room, second room on the right corridor, third floor, East wing._ Lucy must have woken up the other two, because she could only send a quick reply before going offline. The tall man put his phone back into his pocket and looked down at Ben in the hospital bed. He held the man's mildly cold hand gently, stroking the back of it with his thumb.

"God, I'm so sorry, Ben. I really am." He whispered. The blond man was still silent, showing no signs of consciousness. Gwil pressed his lips together in frustration and pulled a chair over to his bedside, sitting down, staring at him with desperate eyes. They still weren't sure if Ben was really safe yet - no, there was still some risks and the man's inner organs can break down any moment, but the steady sound of the heart monitor helped. Gwil shook his head.

"You're so gonna hate me when you wake up."

And that was when the blond eyelashes slightly fluttered. The man's lids struggled to open up, but slowly, his eyes opened, and glassy pupils stared up at him, disoriented. 

"Wha--Gwil? Is--" His voice was hoarse from pain. "Is that--you?"


	3. Chapter 3

The first time Ben woke up, his mind was still cloudy with all the anesthetic and sedatives running in his veins. He slowly took in the scent of sanitizers, the white and brightness of the clean, shiny room and realized he was in a hospital room. In his vision, a man with deep ocean blue eyes were looking at him with all the care and concern in the world, and the blond almost smile.

"Gwil?" He croaked, and suddenly realized how dry and bitter his throat seemed to be. It's like all the water and energy had been drained out of him. The blond swallowed thickly and tried again. "Is--Is that you?"

"Oh thank God you're awake." Gwil let out a teary laugh - why would he cry, anyway? - and reached out to touch his cheek. Gwil's hands were large, a little calloused, but really, really warm. Making Ben notice how cold he had been feeling. "How are you feeling?"

"I--" Ben tried to speak again, louder this time, and a sudden flare of pain shot up from his chest, cutting off his air. " _Ah--_ "

"Shhh, don't push yourself too hard, you're really weak right now." The other man quickly shushed him, wanted to calm him down with the touch of his hands, but awkwardly struggle his way through the wires and tubes around the blond's body. "Don't speak, just, focus on breathing first."

_How could breathing hurt so much?_ Ben opened his mouth to gasp in air frantically, and the could hear the rapid beeping sound from some kind of machine standing next to his bed. He was freaking out more and more every time he tried to take in air and feeling his lungs getting squeezed up tighter and tighter. His hands desperately grasped the bedsheet, crunching it up, but coming right after that was the exploding pain in his biceps, making his muscles cramped painfully.

"Hey, hey, Ben, don't freak out, don't freak out, you're safe now, I'm here." Gwil's low voice quickly pulled him back to sanity, his hands gently cradled Ben's face between them, making the blond look back into his blue eyes. God, Ben could see waves rolling peacefully in those eyes.

"What--"

"You're terribly hurt, Ben. But you're okay now, you're not in danger anymore." The man whispered to him. "Slow down. Just slow down and you can breathe easier, I promise."

So that was what Ben did. He shut his eyes and forced his breathing to slow down. Gwil was counting, and he tried to follow the numbers. _One, two, three, four…_

"Yes, that's it." He was breathing a little more easily, and could open his eyes to look at Gwil. "Keep breathing. You don't have to speak just yet. I'm gonna call a doctor--"

The blond's hand shot up and grab Gwil's wrist before the taller man could leave, green eyes looking up at blue, following by the silence of the room. The taller man stopped on his tracks and came back to his side. "Fine, but I'm still gonna give your nurse a ring. I already called the others - Joe, Lucy, Rami - they're gonna get here soon. They'll be thrilled to see you. You have no idea how worried they were."

The mention of the names slowly brought the memories back inside Ben's panicked mind. He remembered the energetic and mischievous redhead with the never ending whining about the perm he got to prepare for the movie, the talented, charismatic and extremely funny American Egyptian, and the charming, beautiful and caring blonde woman. They had a short time, but a great time together, being friends and colleagues and shared everything with each other. Of course, not everything, on his side. But he had never thought of being so close to any of his fellow actors - and these people were breaking his walls. Over and over again.

And then the flashbacks of the incident flooded in his mind. They were filming Live aid, and then all hell broke loose. A man jumped up into the stage from the crowd, charged at him and--Ben gasped as he looked down saw all of the tubes and wires attached on his torso. The memories of the blade sinking into his flesh, the feelings of blood leaving him, of air unable to get inside his collapsed lungs…

A nurse ran into the room with some people behind her, Ben could hardly tell if they were Lucy, Rami and Joe or if they were other hospital staff. But clearly Gwil had seen his unstable condition and decided to call the nurse by his phone. Ben's mind was still swarmed with the overwhelming memories of lying on the ground coughing up blood and thinking that death's grasp was closing around him, too occupied to catch the sound of the nurse taking some drugs into a syringe and injected it into his already covered with needles and tubes forearm. Everything went black.

.

.

.

The second time Ben woke up, he was alone in his room. Outside of the window, the sun was peeking from behind the clouds, and the clock on the wall showed 5 am. It was still too early for anyone to be around. 

He took in a shaky breath and slowly turned his head to look around. He was in a large hospital bed, in the middle of a plain white room with shiny floor and flawless walls. All the lightings in the room were shut off, and the only source of light were from the sun outside of the square window. Next to his bed was a small metal bedside drawer, like the ones they always had in hospitals for family members to leave flowers and “get well soon” cards on. He noticed the beautiful champagne color roses blooming in a vase next to his bed and couldn’t help a small smile. Must be the always considerate Lucy and Rami. 

The blond reached out to pick up the delicate envelope sitting on top of the drawer, but the pain on his arm made him froze. The memories about the first time waking up came back to him. His chest hurt like someone had cut it open, and he couldn’t try to lift his arms without seeing it shaking and feeling the horrible pain. All of the pain reminded him about the nightmare that he went through the day before - he wasn’t even sure about the date and time, maybe he had been sleeping for months - and fear, one more time, consumed him. The sedatives constantly being pumped into his veins helped, but now when his mind was more clear, his nebulous panic morphed into something sharper, a much sharper fear. 

“Oh, Ben, you’re up again!” Gwil’s voice was so cheerful the blond cringed. It was so weird seeing a man eight years older than you sounding like a child on Christmas day.

“Y-yeah.” The blond mumbled, tried to sit up, only to flop back down immediately as all of his muscles turned to jelly. For the first time since forever, he felt weak. Vulnerable, even. It’s been a long time since a muscular and sporty man like him felt that way. “Hi, Gwil.”

“How are you feeling this time? Do you remember the last time you woke up?” The tall man was out for some breakfast, seemingly, as he quickly got inside of the room and left his half bitten bagel and coffee cup on the bedside drawer. Suddenly, Ben’s vision was filled with two small oceans full of concern, and he just wanted to drown himself in them.

“Yeah.” Ben sighed. Talking was still so tiring. “I don’t know why--I freaked out so badly. I feel--stupid now.”

“Hey, all of us freaked out that day.” Gwil stroke his hair gently and came back to his coffee. “You have all the right in the world to be scared.” _Traumatized, actually._

The blond simply nodded and looked up at the ceiling. God, if only talking can take this much energy, how was he going to do anything else? After that, he tried to get some more sleep with the hope of chasing away the fatigue, but the feelings of falling down, clutching his own bloody chest kept replaying in his head every time he closed his eyes like a broken record. Gwil seemed to notice his unease - but the man didn’t say much about it.

All he did was asking if Ben needed anything, soothing him with his warm, sweet Welsh accent and sitting in a chair next to his bed, reading a book. Sometimes he caught Gwil trying to tell him something - but the man eventually chose to drop it every time. And just like that, time flew by, with Gwil's careful eyes always on him, giving him all the help he needed. He took notes of Ben's medication and made sure the blond finished all of his meals. He watched as the nurses replaced the bandages for him, called the doctor every time the blond had a panic attack, and sometimes even read for him before bed. Like a child. It made him feel annoyed, and yet oddly warm inside. It took his mind off the growing fear and guilt inside his head a bit.

From time to time, Joe, Rami and Lucy would show up with flowers and gifts and silly videos Joe took to cheer Ben up. They even set up some board games so Ben can join and get his mind off the dark memories, and even when he was still too weak to sit up from his spot, he never felt warmer. It was almost unbelievable - they barely knew one another, and just after more than a month of bonding and preparing for the movie, they already treated Ben like family. For someone so reserved and quiet, it was impossible to have such amazing friends. He had never imagined having anyone spending so much of their precious time in coming and visiting him at the hospital everyday. But they could only stay with him for a few hours, at most. At night, or simply after a while, they had to leave, going back to their hotel or having business to handle. Leaving only Gwil.

“Why are you here so often?” Ben suddenly questioned him one day, eyeing up the tall man dangling in his too small chair. “You never leave for more than half an hour. Don't you have anything else to do? Like the others?"

"Well, if you remember, we're in the middle of shooting a movie when, it, happened. So now while we're waiting for our Roger Taylor, the filming gets a pause, and we have more time for ourselves." Gwil shrugged. "I just think you might want some company."

Ben tilted his head. "It's been five days. You should have found someone for the role right now. What took you so long?"

"I beg your pardon?" Gwil raised his eyebrow.

"The role. You know, Roger Taylor." The blond blinked rapidly. "You must have casted someone already. A hundred different guys came into the audition with me, I'm pretty sure Brian and Roger found someone."

"Why would they find someone?" Gwil narrowed his eyes. "Roger Taylor's already casted. It's you. Or maybe you've forgotten it while being locked in here for too long?"

"My injuries are not gonna take a short time to heal, Gwil." Ben said, eyes serious. "And the two of them have been planning for this movie for years. They should find someone else for the role or God knows when it can continue filming again."

"Roger said he can wait." Gwil replied nonchalantly. "He said you're the best one out there."

"I--I'm not. I'm holding them back." Ben looked like he was ready for an argument, and Gwil had to hold back his laughter. Angry Ben looked kinda cute. "They have to find another actor."

"I suppose they just didn't." The taller man chuckled. "They casted you, they want you. You're gonna get well soon and get back to filming. It may take some time for the film to get back on its feet, but it's not that horrible."

"Brian had been building this movie for years and now he has to stop to wait for me?" Ben swallowed. "It's--it's not worth it. Why are they doing that?"

"Stop being weird, Ben. You worked hard for the role, you deserve everything that goes with it. It's not your fault a lunatic attacked you." The taller man crossed his arms. "The police questioned him. He's just a psychopath with paranoia thinking people around him are monsters while in fact, he is. He's in an asylum now."

Ben curled up with a huff and covered his face with the blanket. If Gwil ever knew the truth about him, the man would consider him trash for the rest of their lives. It never bothered him before, but then, he had never known Gwil before.

"Hey." A warm hand placed on his shoulder. He peeked an eye out of the blanket to look at Gwil's. All curvy eyelashes and sparkling blue irises again.

"Yeah?"

"A lot of people out there want you to get back for the role. They really love you, Ben. Roger also fought for you to stay in the cast. Don't belittle their love and effort because of your insecurities." The man turned around to search in the bedside drawer and pulled out a stack of envelopes. "In fact, I just remember it now, fans have been sending you letters and cards the whole time. The nurse keeps bringing them in while you're asleep and I forgot about them."

The man put the envelopes on Ben's lap and gave him a reassuring smile. "Maybe spending some time to see how much people love you will change your mind about the role."

Ben shakily tore open the latest envelope, not really paying attention to it. The more considerate, the more gentle and encouraging and lovely Gwil was, the more guilt grew inside his head. He knew he didn't deserve any of this in the first place, and then still took it. Making people think he was some real talent other than just a pretty face. God, he loved Gwil. The man had been nothing but kind to him every single moment they were in the same room. The last thing he wanted was to have Gwil hate him from knowing the truth about who he really was.

  
  


A picture fell out from the paper envelope, and Ben picked it up to look at it. The blood in his veins turned into ice the moment he saw the _thing_ in it.

"Ben? What is it?" Gwil threw him a worried glance as the heart monitor sped up with its dangerously fast beeps. "Are you alright?"

The blond didn't answer. He frantically turned the envelope upside down and paled when more pictures fell out. Gwil stood up from his chair to come closer, but he quickly snatched the pictures and stuff them back inside. Ignoring the other man's questions, Ben continued to open the other envelopes, seeing more photos, even letters, skimming through them, and with every second, he looked more frightened.

"Ben, what are those pictures?" Gwil tried to pick one of them up, but the blond already pulled them close and kept them out of his reach. "You're scaring me here."

"No, no." Ben snapped his gaze back at Gwil, and even though he could make out a thousand shades of fear inside the green color, he couldn't understand where they all came from. "Nothing, just--unexpected. It's nothing to worry about, Gwil."

"Seriously, Ben, you can't--"

"Can I have a moment alone?" Ben's pleading eyes were making Gwil's insides twist. "Please?"

The man froze for a moment before nodding and standing up to get out of the room, puzzled with a thousand questions inside his head.


	4. Chapter 4

Something was not right, Gwil knew it, and he also knew that all of it came from the stack of letters he gave Ben. A small part of him wished he didn't give those to the blond in the first place and stressing him out like this, but Gwil brushed it away. Wishing for it wouldn't help Ben right now. He had just barely recovered from a deadly attack, still had to suffer from an immense amount of pain everyday, having all sorts of drugs injected into him every single second, and still hadn't been able to sit up for more than fifteen minutes, much less walking by himself. The doctors told them Ben's risks at collapsing his inner organs were almost gone, but he needed more time in the hospital, and he still had a long way to go.

Which should not be made even more difficult with those mysterious and obviously scary envelopes. Gwil came back into the hospital room seeing Ben already kept them away and acted like they didn't exist. He tried to persuade the blond to tell him whatever was inside, but the man shook his head stubbornly every time. He kept those envelopes tight in his lap, sometimes under his pillow when Joe, Rami and Lucy stopped by, and never let it out of his sight for a minute. Even when he was deep asleep or going for a bath (with those cute nurses that blushed every time they saw his abs, making Gwil roll his eyes so hard), Gwil had no way to steal it from him. Ben even tried to destroy it, but Gwil and the nurses never let him get his hands on a pair of scissors or a candle. Those were too dangerous, especially when his arms were still shaking from the wounds and cramps. And he couldn't trust anyone to dispose of them for him. He looked at Gwil with those scared and begging green eyes of his when the man told him he was going to tell the rest of the cast and Brian and Roger. If he couldn't get it from Ben, all of them could. But then there was something desperate and heart wrenching from the way Ben looked at him and asked him not to tell anyone, and he didn't have the heart to go against the blond's plea. 

"I can't believe you get to be bathed by those nurses." Joe groaned and slapped his forehead, making the blond chuckle. It was a night when all of them managed to ask for the doctor's permission to stay overnight, and currently, the redhead was lying next to Ben on his hospital bed. It was rather cramped for two grown men to fit into it, but Ben had stopped being attached to all of the machines, and Joe insisted on staying close to his best friend.

"Why, I thought you're into me?" The blond laughed and winced a little, his chest was still hurt.

"Don't be ridiculous, you're still my number one queen, I just like to have some mistresses from time to time to entertain." Joe shrugged, and all of them broke into laughter. Rami and Lucy were spooning and curling annoyingly adorably on the empty bed next to Ben's, and Gwil still stayed in his tiny chair, no matter how many times they asked him to pick another bed. He kept his chair next to Ben's spot and curled up there, listening to everything they said without joining the conversation.

"Trust me, they are cute, but they're horrible at their job." The blond rolled his eyes. "At least when they help me with the bath. I don't know, I thought they have to be good at those kinds of things."

"Horrible how?" Rami raised an eyebrow, and they laughed again. 

"They're really, really slow. And clumsy, too." Ben complained. "I mean, people blush when they see me naked, of course, but they've been seeing me naked a hundred times now. And I'm not even looking like a human right now, my chest looks like some mafia goons in Gotham or something. All wriggling lines and crosses and stitches."

They all went silent. None of them, not even Gwil, had seen Ben’s body and the wounds after the attack with their own eyes. Every time they came, he was already dressed in his hospital gown and under a layer of blanket. Ben never said it, but he was proud of his body and put so much hard work into making sure that he was fit enough for every role and every photoshoot. Having almost thirty stitches slicing his torso into pieces could ruin everything. And the most worrisome about it was Ben's nonchalant tone. Like it meant nothing to him.

"I'm sorry, Ben. I can't imagine having such reminders of something so horrible stuck on my body like that." Rami looked at him from the other bed, and the blond shrugged. 

"It's fine. People will finally stop making me taking my shirt off every time they see me." He mumbled, clearly not in the mood for that yet. "That's good news."

"I doubt that." Joe giggled and pinched his cheek playfully. "The nurses still blush, though."

"Seriously, Joe, do you want me to set you up with one of them?" Ben laughed at him, and they started to turn back to their previous nonsense chat about everything in the world. But they all sensed that after the mention of the wounds, the tensed atmosphere would never go away.

Lucy tried to avoid the previous topic by telling them about wanting to have a dog when she moved in with Rami, and both Ben and Joe grimaced, making Gwil chuckle. "Happy couples. I hate them."

"Disgusting, ugh."

"Come on, I'm wanting to talk about a dog!" Lucy laughed. "We're having a new flat, what breed do you guys think we should adopt?"

"Small ones. You can't handle German Shepherd or Bulldogs in an apartment." Joe took out his phone to search for smaller ones. "May be poodles?"

"Beagles are nice." Ben said from behind Joe, and Lucy turned to him. "I've got one before. They're cute, smart and you can really take them everywhere."

"Really? Cool! What's his name?" Rami said, a little too excited, and Lucy chimed in.

"Or her name?"

"Well, she's Frankie." The blond smiled. The kind of smile that made Gwil wanted, just a little, to smooch his face. "Will be three years old next September."

"Wow, can you take us to see her some time?" The blonde woman asked, and Ben shook his head.

"She's with my ex girlfriend now. Can't really see her without a little awkwardness." Gwil's heart dropped. There goes his chance at Ben being gay. He could already picture the ending of his and the blond's friendship, when he gathered all of his strength to ask him out and get a rejection in return. The sweetest, most polite and gentlest kind of rejection, because he knew Ben was not cruel enough to hurt him like that.

Joe sighed dramatically and turned around to wrap his arms around Ben, of course, carefully. "Aw, poor Ben. We're here to cheer you up and we keep hitting on your sore spots. Sorry babe."

The blond just chuckled and returned the hug. "Apology accepted. Dumbass."

The redhead pulled his pillow to move closer to Ben for a bestie snuggle, but stopped when he bumped into something. He moved his hand under Ben's pillow and fished out a stack of envelopes before the blond could stop him. "Oh, hey, look at this." 

"What's that?" Rami asked, Lucy moved closer to see them, too. Gwil didn't know if he wanted for them to find out what was inside, or if he wanted Ben to keep his secret. It seemed like something the blond wanted to keep for himself and would be extremely unhappy if anyone saw it. 

"Ah, some fan letters. Get well soon cards and stuff." The blond stretched and yawned. Gwil's eyes widened at the sudden change in attitude. The last time they discussed about those letters, which didn't contain much discussion and mostly just Ben losing his control and making Gwil worried sick, the blond didn't even let Gwil touch them. Now, he even let Joe examining the envelopes and didn't bother to take them back. 

To his surprise, Joe just looked at them for a few seconds and returned it, not having any kind of suspicion. Ben received the letters, throwing Gwil a side glance, eyes shone dangerously as if telling him to shut up. The taller man, of course, like the rest of the night, didn't utter a word. Right after that, the blond said he felt sleepy and suggested all of them having a rest. No one had a doubt about why Ben was tired so much earlier than other days. His act was so flawless no one saw anything strange.

The only person that could see through the seamless act was Gwil, and he couldn't believe his eyes. The same person who looked like he was going to faint the first time he opened those letters, the same person who couldn't let anyone else but him touch them, now acting like he didn't have anything to hide. The blond got back on his feet quickly, and Gwil couldn't seem to ever understand what was in his head.

One by one, they fell asleep without knowing it. Only after a few minutes, the soft snores of Joe, Rami and eventually Lucy filled the quiet room. Gwil turned his gaze to Ben, and caught a pair of green eyes looking at him. They just lay there, staring at each other, a thousand unsaid words in their gazes. What are you trying to keep from me? Am I not worthy enough of your trust? Or are you afraid I was going to judge you for it? Does it have anything to do with the attack? What do I have to do to take the weight of those letters for you?

.

.

.

Gwil never voiced those questions to Ben, even when he thought about them constantly. He knew the blond would probably brush it away, but he couldn't help it. At first, it was his guilt that made him want to take care of Ben, but now, the more time he spent with the blond, the more he wanted to do that simply because he desired to. He had the feelings that he hadn't understood Ben yet, but he was already fascinated with everything about him. Sometimes he caught Ben staring at him, like the other night, and quickly turned away when Gwil looked up.

They distracted themselves with Ben's walking sessions. He was getting better everyday, still with a lot of morphine, but better. After a few more days, Gwil could tell that he was feeling more like himself. He could eat more, sit up with less struggle, and finally, the doctor told them that he could start practice his walking. A therapist came to his room everyday, spending two hours in instructing him. 

"Uh, Mr Lee? I think we're going to need your help." The therapist, a middle aged lady with encouraging words and smiles, turned to Gwil when the blond dropped his feet down onto the floor, ready to stand up.

"What? No, I can do it. It's just standing. I can do that." The blond immediately cut in, eyes sparked with determination. Gwil just smiled and stood aside.

After the therapist placed the parallel walking bars in front of the blond, the therapist, Luna, gave him some simple instructions about how he should start. Ben was determined - he listened carefully to everything she said, even asked four times about the things he didn’t understand clearly, and focused one hundred percent to the bars. After that, he held out his hands to grab the bars, arms still a little weak from the healing wounds, and fingers held on so tightly all of his knuckles turned white. The only thing he hadn’t followed exactly what the therapist said, was to relax.

“Okay, on three.” The woman didn’t seem to mind. She understood his tension. “Try to stand still for ten seconds for me, alright?”

Ben nodded, took in a deep breath. “One.” His arm muscles flexed. “Two.” His legs shook as he launched himself forward. “Three.”

The therapist laughed and clapped her hands as the man leaned onto the bars, held onto them as if he could drown without them and breathed heavily. “That’s amazing, Ben! Just hold on their for ten more seconds! Come on, you can do it!”

It wasn’t the standing that was difficult, Gwil realized when he watched the blond struggle to stand still. His legs didn’t have to suffer from any wounds. But it was the breathing that kept his muscles oxygenated was struggling, making Ben sweat furiously and shook like a leaf. Gwil had never seen the blond in such vulnerable state. He was pretty sure that before all of this, Ben would defeat him in any kind of race or arm wrestle or anything physical related, and the man had the stamina of a panther. Gwil crossed his arms, eyes never left the blond.

“Six, five, four…” The woman kept counting and encouraging Ben, but he started to get paler as seconds passed by, and before she could finish her counting, he toppled over. 

A pair of lean, strong arms held him around his waist before he fell face first into the ground, holding him carefully to avoid all of his wounds. Ben’s heart was still beating frantically inside his chest when a warm Welsh accent filled his ears. “God, Ben. Are you okay?”

The taller man gently turned him around his his arms and started to look down to look for any wounds opening. The blond man only shook his head, and Gwil looked back up to see those familiar green eyes staring up at his, Ben’s lips were slightly opened, and his hands gripped on Gwil’s biceps for leverage. They were only inches from each other, and from this close distance, the taller man could even count the blond’s golden eyelashes. They looked like they were spun from pure sunshine.

“Okay, so how about we let Ben get some rest and start over?” Luna finally broke the silence, and their eye contact also broke. Gwil awkwardly helped Ben to get back to bed and let him sit down.

He winced and let out a huff as he sat down on the mattress, still breathing heavily as if he had just been through a race. He looked a little less pale than a minute before, but exhausted, nonetheless. The man swore as he rubbed his eyes with his fingers. “I’m having cramps. One second, please.”

That was when Gwil noticed how his legs were rigid under him, and decided to kneel down to the floor next to Ben’s feet. He touched the blond’s calf and was about to give it some massage, but Ben pulled his legs up to the bed before he could.

“No, you don’t have to do that. I’m okay.” He clearly wasn’t, as his leg seemed to hurt even more, but the blond was unexplainably stubborn. He breathed for a few minutes before setting his legs back down. 

“You know what, Ben, how about we continue in the afternoon?” Luna came closer to check on him. “Take one small step at a time, yeah?”

Ben gave her a fierce gaze. “No, I’ll start over.” He reached out to grip the bars, and swung himself on his feet again.

  
  



	5. Chapter 5

_ That was my last warning to you, my fierce little tiger.  _

The cold, sharp blade made its way into his chest, cutting his insides open.

_ You know I never wanted this to happen. You've always been my most favorite out of them all, you know? None of them were as stubborn, sharp, or fought back as valiantly as you did. You had the magnificence of a strange, wild and dangerous land that is just waiting to be conquered. _

The air was sucked out of him, suffocating him, blood filling his throat and mouth. He tried to breathe, tried to scream for help, but it hurt, hurt too much.

_ It broke my heart to do this to you, tiger, but do you have any idea how much troubles you put me through? How dare you threaten me, after everything I've done for you? After I paved your way? _

The terrifyingly familiar laughter rang in his ears as he felt his own blood flowing from his body, so hot and wet and bright red. The blade didn't stop. It was pulled out, but then plunged back in, over and over, tearing him apart.

_ Letting anyone else seeing how beautiful you were every time we were alone was the last thing that I wanted to happen. I want to keep you all to myself, tiger. But if you ever try to break me again… I can guarantee you, that you'd wish that you were stabbed to death. _

He could see Gwil. He could see all of them, Joe, Rami, Lucy, Brian and Roger, even the crew. They were flipping through the content of the envelopes that he desperately tried to hide, getting more and more disgusted every second.

_ Remember, tiger, that I gave you this opportunity. The one that you could never achieve on your own. I handed it to you on a silver platter, just for a little bit of you. _

"God, is this--" Gwil looked up at him, eyes burned with untamable anger and pure hate. "Is this how you got here? While we work our asses off, you--"

"Slut." Joe growled, and the rest of them started shouting. _Slut. Whore. Fraud. Liar. Snake._ The blond opened his mouth to defend himself, to somehow stop those insults, to beg them to stop, but blood filled his mouth. And then a pair of hands roamed his body, burning his flesh like acid everywhere they touched, moving up slowly to close around his throat like a vice. He tried to scream, but all of the sound he could make were gasps and chokes. 

Ben snapped up from the bed with a scream. Pain exploded on his chest, spread to his backside, his arm, making him double over, sobbing uncontrollably. He could make out some faint sounds of someone next to him, but his ears were ringing. A warm hand touched his shoulder, but he jerked from it violently, afraid of the scalding acid on his flesh. Everything around him was dark and tears covered his vision. He scrambled out of the hand's reach, trying to run, but then the light went on, and he saw Gwil on the side of his bed. The man was nothing like the one he had just seen - no venom in his words, no warth in his eyes - just worry and pain and whispers pleading him to calm down and recognize the man. 

"Ben, please. I'm not trying to hurt you. _Please_ let me help." Gwil moved closer, and his face crumbled in a teary smile when Ben froze in his place, not trying to escape anymore. He held out a hand to put a gentle caress on the blond's side, and slowly crossed the bed to embrace him. Ben curled up and wrapped his shaking arms around Gwil.

"I'm sorry." The blond chanted, didn't stop sobbing. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

.

.

.

Gwil finally sat back in his chair after putting the blanket on the blond and made sure that the morphine had kicked in. He was half asleep when a terrified scream shook him awake, and Ben was thrashing on his bed and crying hysterically. It was one of the most horrifying and heart wrenching sound he had ever heard in his life. He tried to approach the blond and calm him down, but he was just like all those wounded animals when they were rescued - too frightened to be in their right mind, fought against everything that came close. It took him a few minutes to finally hold Ben in his arms, and then the blond started to apologize to him continuously. Like it was him who stood by and watched as Gwil got stabbed by a psychopath. 

The taller man sighed and curled up in his chair. It took him more than an hour to stop Ben from apologizing and trying to kill himself - the nurses flooded in to check on them and finally gave the blond a dose of the drug to keep him calmed. The emotion wreck and sleep deprivation sucked all the energy out of him. The nurses explained that sometimes PTSD can be intense, and the blond really needed someone to help getting out of that bottomless pit. The way that they talked about Ben's condition pissed Gwil off to no end. 

Ben had been suffering from those horrible nightmares for almost night, weeks after weeks, and they just acted like it was nothing. They just got some drugs into his system to stop him, and then left. They didn't even think twice about trying to help him after that. 

Gwil knew it was those letters. Nothing else could be the reason for this. Ben never let them out of his sight every second of the day, and whenever he strung back from a nightmare, he always grabbed them, almost crumpled them in his hands, to make sure they were there. He constantly threw a glance at them, just to know that no one was taking them behind his back. His grasp never left those envelopes when he fell asleep. Whatever was in there, it was the source of his endless anxiety and fear. It wasn't just PTSD from the attack, but also a very certain, very visible threat that was like a sword hanging on the ceiling above his head all the time. Gwil just couldn't get him to tell.

Sure, he could try to steal those letters from Ben - but he didn't want to violate the blond's trust. He promised Ben that he would keep them a secret and never try to take them, and he couldn't let the man hate him. He already hated himself so much for what he did to Ben that he couldn't stand doing anything that could make the blond upset. The guilt monster would resurface and ate his insides in just seconds. It was already keeping him awake most nights. He couldn't tell anyone else, either. Rami noticed something, but Gwil had to brush him off every time he asked why both of them looked like they hadn't gotten any sleep. He felt like he was also locked in a cage where he had the power to take the key, to rescue both himself and the one he cared about, but couldn't do it.

The blond was more eager than ever to get out of the hospital walls, and Gwil could feel it. He wanted to get out and bury the content of those envelopes deep down where no one in the world could find. And that was the reason why at the moment, Ben was still struggling to walk without any therapist or bars in sight - just Gwil's hands in front of him, being his own personal handrails. Ben's standard time to practice was two hours everyday, but right after Luna left, he immediately turned to Gwil and asked the man to help him. Gwil refused at first, but the blond was determined - kept asking again and again until Gwil gave in - and ended up with cramps all over his body almost everyday. He pretended that he was fine so Gwil could stop with his fussing, but the taller man knew how much Ben pushed his limits. 

"Come on, come on, you're almost there." Gwil encouraged, eyes darted back to see if they almost reached the wall. In front of him, gripping his hands and breathing heavily was Ben. "One more step."

His green eyes shone with determination as he ignored the sweat rolling off the side of his face and continued to step forward, following Gwil's voice. His face was all red with frustration as he walked, and finally, finally Gwil's back hit the wall. They stopped, and Ben leaned his entire body on Gwil, groaning. "I don't think I can walk back, Gwil."

"Smartass." The taller man chuckled as Ben grinned widely. He carefully held the blond's waist in his arm and helped the blond getting back to bed, practically dragged him across the room.

"Well that's new." Ben sprawled on his bed and left Gwil doing all the work. 

"What's new?" The brunet blinked in confusion, and the other looked up at him tiredly from the bed.

"I've never been a smartass." He smiled. "Nice ass, hot ass, pretty ass, yes. But smart? First time."

He sounded nonchalant, but those words made Gwil sad in some way or another. "You _are_ smart."

The blond laughed quietly. He moved over and patted the space next to him, so Gwil lay down. From this angle, his side profile was breathtaking. Golden hair, emerald eyes and lovely lips. "No, I'm not. I bit off more than I can chew, and now I'm here, choking on it. So stupid that I think I can actually be David defeating Goliath."

"You're so…" Gwil narrowed his eyes at the blond. "Complicated sometimes."

Ben laughed. It had been a while since Gwil heard that sound, and it made his heart flutter a bit. The blond could bring all the colors into the room with just a sound. It was airy, free and lively - the sound that made Gwil happy without any reason in particular. He had been so used to the crying and painful whimpers that he almost forgot how beautiful Ben's laughter was. And then he knew the exact reason why he hadn't got a chance to hear it more often.

"I'm sorry I didn't stop the attacker from stabbing you. I could have saved you but I stood there like an idiot looking at you getting hurt." The words came out of his mouth before he could stop it, but a weight was lifted from his chest the moment he said it. He lowered his gaze and pressed his lips together when Ben stared back at him, wide eyed, without saying anything.

After a long moment of silence, the blond finally whispered. "So everything you do… All of this is just because you feel guilty that you didn't save me in time?"

What did he mean when he said it like that? _Just_? "I mean… Yes. I feel horrible after that. I was right next to you and I let that happen."

He couldn't make out those green eyes from under the blond's hair as he curled up on his side of the bed. The air thickened with an untraceable tension. Ben must have forgotten how stupidly useless Gwil was when the attacker stabbed him. 

"Would you do all of this if it were someone else? Anyone else? Lucy, Rami, Joe?" The blond asked so quietly he almost didn't catch it.

"Of course! It was still my fault and you're all my friends. I hated every second of standing by watching you getting hurt, Ben. Same goes with anyone else. No one deserves to go through that."

The blond shook his head, voice hoarse. "It's not your fault. Don't apologize."

God, he knew Ben would be mad. He would be, if he were the blond. "You don't have to do that, you should hate me. Rami and Joe were too far away to do anything but I was _there_ \--"

" _Don't_. Just don't." Ben snapped, and he stared at the blond in shock as he struggled to get up and called the nurses. "Brian and Roger are stopping by any minute, I need to go have a shower before they're here."


	6. Chapter 6

Ben didn't want to unleash his irrational anger on Gwil, he really didn't. The man did nothing wrong and he should blame himself for making up a non-existent affection. He knew it was probably because he had been single for two years and all of his experience with love was rather messed up. Gwil was making him feel things, and his pathetic, lonely and scared self decided to consider it some kind of signal. And who wouldn't have a crush on a Prince Charming who was always there for them, accept their annoying, troublesome self even when they were at their worst? But then Ben fell back onto Earth with the realization that yes, Gwil was Prince Charming, but he was nothing more than a peasant.

"Thanks, Andy." The blond smiled gratefully as the nurse helped him to sit down on his bed, finally feeling clean and fresh after a while. Cleaning up had always been a terrible job to go through, when you were wounded and stitched up all over and the water was either too hot or too cold. He could only try not to scream whenever some clumsy nurse touched a healing wound, and every bath seemed like a war. They were so strenuous even Gwil suggested to help a few times, but Ben knew better to say yes. He was thinner than normal, not in a good way, and his body was covered in ugly stitches and bruises and wounds. Letting the man see him naked was not a good choice.

But this time, Andy did great. He was extremely careful and good with his hands, as Ben went through the normally disastrous bath with ease and came back to his hospital bed better than ever. The bath was so relaxing it almost made the blond forget about his previous conversation with Gwil. Almost, because when he was finally cozy and comfortable in his blanket, Gwil questioned with a glare piercing Andy's back.

"Who is he?"

"A new nurse." The blond rolled his eyes. The taller man started to be irrational. Sure, if Gwil was actually having any kind of affection towards him, being a little jealous and paranoid was cute. But then Gwil was considering him as a friend, like exactly every single other person in the world. It stung more than he could handle.

"I've never seen him before." Gwil stood up from his chair to follow the nurse, having a better look of him. "Melinda was the one taking you to the bath."

"You've never seen him because he's new." Ben tried not to snap. "And after Melinda struggled to help me get to the bath, because I'm a 149 pound polar bear and I can't walk straight, Andy stepped in to help."

"You know I can help you with that." The other man looked at him with apologetic eyes, full of confusion because clearly he didn't know what he did wrong. 

"And you know that I don't want you to." The blond glared up at him from his mattress. Insecurity had been the cause, but now all the self pity just turned into hot anger. "Why do you even bother anyway?"

"What do you mean? I've been here with you since the first day! I've been bothered for as long as I can remember." Gwil couldn't believe what he heard. Ben was acting so strange - he suddenly became so icy and passive aggressive in just five minutes - and he couldn't understand what was going on. He traced back to what he did right before something got Ben upset, but he didn't think there was anything wrong with it. The blond couldn't be angry at him because he apologized and saying that he would always be there for his friend, could he?

Ben didn't answer. He just rolled his eyes and ignored Gwil, curling up on his mattress. The empty disappointment was hard to process. His mind told him that he was being more of an annoying brat while Gwil was nothing but kind to him, but his selfish little heart was screaming. He looked at the taller man and simply wished that the man could understand his hidden feelings. Maybe have something in return. Give him some hope that his broken body and soul was somehow still lovable. But then he saw Gwil's confused and hurt eyes and he just hated himself even more. Gwil might never have feelings for him the same way, but right now, he was pushing the man away from him and could lose the man as a friend as well. One thought led to another, and soon before he realized, a single tear ran down from his eyes down to his pillow, and he quickly brushed it away. This whole stabbing thing must have fucked up his hormones too. He felt like a pregnant woman or something.

The door burst open and Ben snapped up from his bed, letting out a pained groan when the wounds started to flare up from the sudden movement. Gwil let out a surprised laugh when people flooded into the room. Joe, Rami, Lucy, and the most amazing people ever: Brian May and Roger Taylor. Joe, Rami and Lucy visited frequently, but the two old aged rock stars were too busy with the press about their tour, their music and the tragedy that happened to their movie. They had a doctor who informed them about Ben's condition all the time, but nothing compared to them coming, flesh and blood, to pay the blond a visit. He could see the young blond stuttering in shock and cheeks reddened adorably. The frown disappeared and a wide, stunning smile spread across his face. Gwil couldn't believe it - they said they were coming, but he didn't think they could make it. They were so so busy.

"How are you two?" Brian walked towards Gwil's seat and gave him a warm embrace after giving Lucy the flowers on his hand so she could put it in the vase for him. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, I'm great. Ben's getting better. He can almost walk on his own now." Gwil grinned. "He still needs some help, but I'm sure we can get back to the set in no time."

"That sounds amazing." The curly haired man smiled at them, hazel eyes twinkling with care and love. Just his presence made them feel like they were back to children again, and wanted nothing more than to curl up under his wings.

"Is that true, Ben?" Roger gave the blond a friendly pat on the back, and he nodded. The man still got him speechless. It was not every day that he got a visit from a legendary rock star. “It means you can go back to the movie soon?”

“Very soon.” Ben quickly moved aside so Roger could sit down and have a closer look, the exited blush still colored his cheeks. 

“Yes, that’s what doctor Laurent told us.” The older man smiled. “He said your breathing has improved. You’re gonna need that for the drumming when you come back, trust me.”

“We’re so sorry we had to leave right when Ben was in surgery.” Brian sat down to a nearby empty bed. He chuckled when Gwil and Joe started bickering playfully behind him about some random thing that they always argued about. “We scheduled for a charity concert that day and we couldn’t cancel it. Those poor children needed the money.”

“You two are the best.” Gwil shook his head, and Ben said as he rubbed his hands together shyly.

“I--I still can’t believe you postponed the whole filming process just to wait for me to recover. I thought you might want to find someone else immediately after that day.” The blond mumbled, and Roger slapped his own forehead, making him jump.

“Jesus, this child. What do you think we are, monsters?” He threw his hands into the air, and the room erupted in giggles. “You were chosen to be a little version of me, it’s my job to care about you. I can’t just replace you like some rag dolls. Do you know how lucky we were to have Easton? He suggested you right on the spot!”

And that was when Gwil noticed Ben’s change. The blond tried to smile, he actually pretended rather well, as he was an actor, after all, but Gwil could see right through it. He could see the blond’s face paled a little and he tightened his arms around himself, even when the rest of the room couldn’t. He probably wouldn’t, either, if he didn’t have his eyes on Ben the whole time. He was still confused and worried about Ben after his sudden outburst a few minutes ago, and now the tiny flinch at the mention of their director, Easton Tyler? Gwil’s mind was a mess. He had no idea what was happening in that blond head. Ben was hiding something from him, or maybe a lot of things, and it was eating him from the inside.

“What takes him so long, anyway?” Brian sighed as he pulled out his phone. “He must be here by now. How can finding a proper parking spot so time consuming?”

“He’s here?” Ben eyed the entrance wearily, and Brian nodded. 

“Yeah, he’s the one who harrassed us into coming and visiting you in the first place.” Roger rolled his eyes. “He said you’d be sad if we don’t show up. As if we can just abandon you here.”

“Hey, who said I harassed you two?” A familiar voice got all of their attention, and Ben’s heart thudded loudly in his chest. “I know you’re gonna get here, I just don’t want Ben to wait for long!”

The director stepped into the room with a large grin on his face. Rami and Joe immediately stood up to give him a handshake and led him into the room. He was a middle aged man, medium build, with salt and pepper beard and sharp grey eyes. They had only been officially working with him for a few days on the Live aid set before the incident happened, but they had gotten to know him since they were casted. Of course, except for Ben, because Tyler directed the first box office movie that the blond got a role in, and they knew each other since then. 

“Ben, hey.” The man walked to the blond’s bed and gave him a hug. The young man returned it immediately with a breathless laugh. “How’s it going, buddy?”

“I’m great, Easton.” The blond smiled, and Gwil tilted his head. All those days spent in this hospital room with Ben gave him the ability to read the blond more easily. All those small flinches and the subtle stiffness of his arms were becoming like words in an open book, and the brunet wondered how he could miss all of these details before. There were so many mysterious things about Ben right now, but now he was sure that this man has something to do with one of them.

“I really wanted to visit you these past weeks, you know.” Tyler sighed dramatically. “But the press is crowding this place, it’s impossible. Did you receive my flowers and cards?”

“Whoa, did you send those roses?” Joe cracked a joke. “I can smell the bias here.”

“Hey, Mr Hardy has always been my most favorite out of them all, right?” Tyler shrugged and patted Ben’s cheek. “I mean, Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy are geniuses, but this one has so much potential. I can’t understand how something so horrible can happen to you. I’m so, so sorry.”

The blond nodded numbly and gave a plastic smile, something Gwil never noticed before. He and Joe always made up some silly instagram photos with Ben and acting like they were practically in love, but it was nothing like this. Ben's smile when he was goofing around with them was shy, but genuine. His shoulders weren't as tensed, and his eye didn't twitch. The sweet voice and the touches that Tyler gave Ben made Gwil uncomfortable.

They fell into an exciting conversation about the movie after that. Brian and Roger told them all the stories about Freddie, and Rami listened and even noted them down in his phone. Joe and Lucy asked them a lot of things about their characters, too, because the time the cast had to dig into the characters were not nearly enough to capture the spirit of the movie. Sometimes, Tyler came into the conversation with a few sketches of how the scene would turn out in his head, but other than that, he just subtly eyed Ben. The blond sat at the end of the bed, looking at Roger the whole time, but through the corner of his eyes, he knew.

"Gwil?" The blond's whisper was so soft and shaky Gwil had to fight the urge to wrap his arms around Ben and keep him far away from humans. A moment ago, Ben told them he was getting a little tired and they all decided to leave so the blond could have some rest. All of them hugged him: Brian, Roger, Lucy, Joe and Rami. And Tyler. 

"Yeah?" He sat down next to Ben, gave him the most gentle smile he could. The blond was biting his lip, anxiously looking at the closed door. "Don't worry, there's nobody here beside us. They all went home. Even Joe, I can assure you that."

He expected Ben to laugh at the joke, but the blond looked even more distressed. "Can I--ask you for a favor? There's--there's something I need you to do for me."

"Of course, I'd do anything." And Gwil meant it.

Ben looked at him, wavering for a few seconds before putting his hand under the pillow to pull out the stack of envelopes and held it tightly. Finally. Gwil almost forgot about it. Finally he could know what was haunting Ben's sleep at night all this time. "You're the only one who knows about this thing's existence. I--need you to destroy it for me. Burn it, shred it, anything, just--make sure that it disappear from the Earth."

What was so scary it made Ben want to get rid of it so badly? Did it have anything to do with Tyler's behavior?

"The most important thing is that I don't want you to open these. No opening, no reading, no looking, no telling anyone. Just please, get rid of them." The blond's eyes were the same begging ones that made Gwil's heart ache. He honestly thought Ben had actually accepted him enough to let him look inside those envelopes. Turned out he was wrong. "Can you please promise to do that for me?"

Gwil nodded, and took the envelopes from Ben's hesitant hands. Still that same favor. Not to open them or read them at all.

"Yeah. I promise."


	7. Chapter 7

"Did you get rid of it?" was the first thing Ben asked when he saw Gwil coming back into his hospital room with breakfast, and the taller man nodded, heart drumming in his chest.

"Yeah." The look of pure relief washed over the blond's worried expression, and Gwil's insides ached. He hated nothing more than lying to Ben. The man had already been through enough pain to be lied to by the only one he could trust, but he couldn't understand the conflict happening inside Gwil's head.

"Thank you."

For the first time in days, the blond looked at him with a lovely smile that could warm up the room, the same one that got his heart to skip a beat the first time they met when they were casted. Before all of the incident, the letters and the sudden, unexplainable anger towards Gwil. His green eyes sparkled with gratitude, relief and all the happiness in the world, and Gwil both hated and loved himself for lying. Just seeing how all the stress and anxiety disappear from Ben's face made Gwil wonder why he didn't do this sooner. 

The taller man shoved the thoughts of the stack of envelopes still buried inside the glove box of his car down to the bottom of his mind and started to take out the food to the blond. Yesterday, Ben asked, no, begged Gwil to handle those envelopes for him. He begged Gwil not to look inside, and Gwil didn't break his promise. Not yet. He lighted a candle, ready to burn them, but when the flame went up, he hesitated. It was like all of the horrors that haunted Ben were repressed inside these small envelopes, and Gwil wanted to know them. He was not going to lie, he was dying to know what was inside. Every time he saw Ben screaming in his nightmare, almost fell off the bed if it was not for Gwil's arms, and eyes snapped open just to find those small things under his pillow to make sure they were there, he wanted more and more to look inside. He wanted so bad to just get a glimpse of the monster that was haunting the blond's mind.

"Why didn't you let me see what was inside those envelopes?" Gwil suddenly asked when he gave Ben the grilled cheese sandwich, and the blond's hand stopped mid air.

"Gwil?"

"Why didn't you let me see it?" He stepped closer, crouching down so he was at Ben's eye level. "What makes you so afraid?"

"Gwil, I don't want to talk about this." The blond mumbled and left the sandwich back on the plate, turning away. "Please stop."

"Are you afraid that I'll betray you? Do you think I'm not trustworthy enough?" The taller man grunted in frustration. He couldn't forget the burning disappointment when he honestly thought that all of his days spent here, showing him all of his support and care, were enough to gain him the blond's trust. "I want to help, Ben. I can't stand looking at you being so scared of something I don't even know about! I can help you, let me do it."

"You _already_ helped!" The blond cut him off, looking like he was about to cry. "You helped by getting rid of them. I trusted you enough to give them to you and expect you not to do something I don't want, what _else_ do you _want_ from me?"

But Gwil stayed up all night last night from just staring at those stupid papers, wondering about how much he meant to Ben, and he didn't think straight. "You just don't have any other choice! I'm the only one who knows about them and stay with you long enough. You don't trust me with whatever was inside those envelopes. What _secret_ is that, Ben?"

"It's _none_ of your business!" The blond's voice broke, and he backed away, not letting Gwil touch him. Gwil opened his mouth to argue, but then he glared up at Gwil angrily, and the taller man could see the fear and distress coming back into his eyes. God, he realized. All he wanted was to keep the blond from feeling them, from being hurt further than those wounds on his body, but now he was doing the opposite of it.

Gwil never noticed how he was panting with frustration. He shakily took in a slow breath and stepped away from the bed, dropping himself down into the chair. He buried his face in his hands and ignored the exhaustion from last night’s insomnia. He couldn’t fall into his sleep with those envelopes stuck in his hands, all forbidden and mysterious. He kept lighting the candle on and then blowing it off, over and over, pacing inside his trailer, torn between keeping his promise and finding the truth. But he was such an asshole - what was he thinking? Ben had already suffered from too much to be interrogated by him like this. His doctor had specifically told Gwil to keep an eye on the blond to make sure that he survived his PTSD and not to make the whole situation more difficult. His mental health was something that people didn’t see when they looked at him, but it had been bombarded just as much as his muscles and flesh. By the attack, by those stupid envelopes, and by him, stupid Gwil.

“I’m sorry.” The taller man whispered, and Ben turned to look at him with surprise. God, the blond didn’t even expect him to be sorry for being a dick. Like he was used to seeing Gwil like that. “I shouldn’t have done that, I--I just wish that you trust me enough with whatever it is.”

“It’s not you, Gwil.” The blond bit his lip. “No one had ever been so kind to me, and I trust you with everything. I just… I just want you to like me. And if you know what was inside them, you’d hate me.”

“I would never hate you.” The brunet looked up from his seat in disbelief.

“You know that’s not true.” Ben laughed dryly. “We’ve only known each other for more than two months. You’ll change your mind. All you know about me is my pretty face.”

“I’m not--”

“It’s okay.” The blond shrugged. “Most people only care about my pretty face. My personality - not very pretty. I guess that’s better than not having anything pretty at all, yeah?”

Ben’s insecurity and self-loath was tightly packed into his careless and sarcastic words, and Gwil just wished that he could do something other than accepting it helplessly. “I spent time with you more than with anyone else in the cast. I see you when there’s no one else around, I know that’s the real you. And I like you, a lot. I don’t think I’ll change my mind just from those papers.”

“You would. And you’d tell others, too, because you wouldn’t stand letting everyone being fooled by my facade.” Green eyes stared at the ceiling. “Everyone would despise me, Roger would be ashamed of having someone like me playing him, and the whole world would agree that I’m nothing more than just a pretty face.”

“That sounds a bit over the top, don’t you think?” Gwil chuckled and reached out a hand to touch Ben’s, and the blond smiled back at him. He didn’t pull his hand back. They just sat there for a while, looking at each other in silence, hands still touching. The morning sunshine got through the window, bathing the blond in the sparkling gold, making him look too gorgeous to be real. The birds were chirping outside, and Ben turned on his Queen playlist on his phone to hum along, eyes closed. He looked content and safe - free of all the threat and anxiety and worry. Free of all the pain. He was getting better. Slowly and with a lot of struggling, but he was still moving forward despite the cruel thing that people did to him.

Gwil couldn’t help wishing that he could rake his hands through those beautiful blond locks and cup those ridiculously adorable baby cheeks. He could recognize Ben from a thousand different people on a busy street now, when he had spent so much time watching the blond and learning every single detail on his face, on his figure. But the man inside, the sweet, soft and caring man that Gwil desperately wanted to get close to, Ben was right when he said Gwil knew nothing much about that man. He didn’t know anything about the blond’s family, about his childhood, about how he got himself into this acting career. All he knew was that he loved Ben’s gentle soul more than anything else, and he would do anything to make the blond feel safe enough to be himself around Gwil.

“You haven't done anything to those envelopes yet, have you?” Ben whispered, eyes suddenly opened to look at the ceiling, but Gwil knew he was looking at him through the corner of his eyes.

The taller man stuttered. He leaned back awkwardly, trying to explain, but the blond’s hand held tightly onto his and green eyes looked at him with a soft smile. 

“It’s okay. I trust you. I know you will keep your promise.”

.

.

.

Gwil slowly pulled the car into the movie set and finally stopped. He opened the glove box and took out the stack of letters that had been hidden there the whole day. He looked at it for a minute before opening the door and getting out, walking to his trailer. It had been a while since he got back here - he was with Ben at the hospital the whole time, and it's strange how none of the rest of the cast and crew had any problem with that. Rami and Joe came back to the set daily to practice for their role, rewatching Live aid and rehearsing their movement while Lucy studied for her scenes, they constantly visited Ben, but they didn't stop working at the set. It made Gwil feel a little guilty since all he did with Ben was turning on all sorts of Queen performance videos on to remind themselves about what they had to do on camera. Ben could barely walk and breathe right, so drum practice was a big no, but Gwil's excuse for neglecting his role should not be accepted. He had no idea why Brian and Roger hadn't fired him yet.

There they were, Joe and Rami, with their choreographer and movement mentor, working hard on stage and looking absolutely into their character. Unlike Gwil the lazy ass at all. He sighed and quickly slipped into his trailer, closing the door. He had something else to handle, and when Ben came back from the hospital, they could always spend time practicing together to get back what they missed, right? Right now, these things needed to go. The longer they exist, the more stress he put Ben in, and that could lead to another extension in the blond's days in hospital. 

He had been thinking about it all day. These envelopes were the evidence of Ben's trust for him. He knew that the blond trusted him enough to let him take care of them, and it soothed most of the disappointment in Gwil's heart. The faith that Ben had in him was probably stronger than he thought, because Ben's greatest fear seemed to be having those envelopes opened, but he took Gwil's hand in his and said that he trusted the taller man enough to know that he would keep his promise. It made him feel a little helpless when he was with the blond. And completely destroyed his intention of looking inside them.

How could he do that when those green eyes looked at him and said "I trust you, you will keep your promise"? God, he knew he was wrapped around Ben's fingers, and he was absolutely fine with it. He opened one of the drawers to get the almost new candle he bought yesterday, grabbed the lighter and sat down, lighting it up. It was one big candle - because those envelopes were thicker than he expected, and he wanted to make sure they all burnt out. Ben wouldn't want them any other way. He really should have burnt them outside, where the risk of having his entire trailer on fire was less significant, but then people would see him, and the secret that he promised to keep with the blond would be out. The brunet picked up the first envelope and held it on top of the small flame. The material quickly caught on fire and burned down into dark ashes, leaving the inside of the trailer a faint smell of smoke. 

"Gwil? What are you doing? Why does it smell like something's burning in here?" A soft, gentle voice made him jump, pushed the envelopes into the drawer, but it was too late. He didn't close his door properly. Shit.

"Lucy. Hi." The man uttered a dry laugh. The blonde woman didn't jump in to snatch the piece of paper left in his hand to look, but her piercing gaze told him that she had seen everything, including the ones he tried to hide in his drawer.

"I don't think you'd come today. I thought you're staying with Ben." The woman stepped inside and sat down on the opposite side of the rickety metal table where the candle was on eyeing him skeptically. 

"I--yeah. But I've been with him all the time and I think I should go back to check on you guys, it's such a dick of me to just abandon everything here." He looked at her, hoping desperately that she wouldn't ask. "I'm about to head out, right after I finish with this."

"Can I ask what this is?" Lucy raised an eyebrow, and Gwil sighed.

"Honestly, I don't know." He stood up and walked to the door. "Come on, I want to see how Joe and Rami are--"

Lucy stared at the tip of the envelopes sticking out from the drawer and blinked. "Wait, are those Ben's fan letters? I saw them the other day. When--"

"When you guys come over and Joe bumped into them. Yeah." Gwil pressed his lips together, nodding. "Ben just asked me to keep them for him. Nothing's special."

"Why are you lighting up a candle then? And the ashes? Did you try to burn them?" The blonde gestured at the still burning candle that he totally forgot about, and he slapped himself mentally.

"Uh--He--"

"Why are you burning them?" The woman reached out a hand to take the envelopes out, and Gwil quickly paced back to grab them and keep from her reach.

"Ben asked me to." The man returned her stare with an awkward gaze. He knew he was being clumsy and Lucy was more intelligent than enough to notice. "I don't know why. Just something friends do for each other."

"Seriously? That's all?" She was still staring at him in disbelief. "You never know why he's asking you to burn the letters from his fans? The ones who care about him?"

Gwil shook his head. "I don't want to upset him, Lucy. He's healing and he's not in a great mood with them around. I think it's better if they're gone."

"Not in a great mood? I thought he's fine. He's fine when we come over the other day." The woman tried to take the envelope from his grasp, but he didn't let her. "The doctor told us about his PTSD and nightmares, but…"

"He's mostly fine when he's not struggling to breath or sleep. But these envelopes are a different problem. I think, I don't know, he doesn't like something about them, and he wanted me to throw them away, that's all. Come on, I want--"

"Okay you're not telling me everything and we both know that." She crossed her arms on her chest. "Spill it, Gwil. If it has something to do with Ben, it has something to do with all of us. From what you said, they're serious."

"He--he told me not to tell anyone." Gwil wanted to kill himself for being so dumb. But deep down, he knew he wanted to be exposed by Lucy, so he could open those envelopes himself. "I can't do that."

"Well then let me see what's inside." She held out her hand, but the man didn't put the envelopes there.

"I can't. He asked me to destroy them and not let anyone see what's inside. I can't break my promise to him."

"What do you think is in there?"

"I--I saw him taking out some photos. Some letters too." Gwil scratched his neck. "But he was so pale when he saw them I--He became twice as stressed after the day he opened these envelopes. I tried to persuade him to let me see them, but he never did. He always grabbed them whenever he wakes up from a nightmare. He even tried to burn them once, but we caught him and didn't let him get near a fire, he could have burnt himself."

Lucy didn't reply. She just eyed the envelopes in Gwil's twitchy hands, tapping her hands on the table. He didn't know what to do then, it felt like he was a kid making a huge mistake and waiting for mom to come up with a deserving punishment. But then he did nothing wrong. He was just afraid that Lucy would snatch it from his hand, look inside, and Ben would hate him for the rest of his life for breaking that promise. Even though a part of him wanted Lucy to open them, so he could know what made Ben so miserable these few weeks.

"We have to look inside, Gwil." Lucy stood up, getting closer to him. "You said he was scared when he saw what's inside. I think the one who sent the letter might have blackmailed him with something he couldn't tell us, and all he wanted is to destroy those things."

It made so much sense Gwil found no other way to explain it. But then Ben made him promise - and he didn't think he could break it.

"Gwil, I know you don't want to violate his trust. But this is not about you anymore. It's about Ben's safety. He had just been _stabbed_ , Gwil! Those envelopes could be from that psychopath in the asylum, he might have threatened Ben with something! We still haven't known why that man attacked Ben. If we let Ben bury it down, if something happened to him because we kept silent, we'd regret it forever, Gwil."

The man looked at her eyes, full of concern and urgency, and then looked down at the envelopes in his hands. He tore the sealing apart. A few photos fell out, and both of their breaths caught in their throat.

_ God. _


	8. Chapter 8

**13 years ago**

"Ben, what's the matter?" The familiar low, sweet voice came from the other side, easing Ben's panic down a little.

"Professor Tyler, I--I'm sorry for calling this late--" He stuttered, throat tightened and eyes burning. The December wind was cutting into his flesh, making him shiver, and the sound of the pouring rain was so loud it almost blocked all of his voice. "I just don't know who to call... My parents found out."

"Where are you right now? Are you still at home?" Easton sounded like he was stopping his car in the middle of the sentence, and Ben freaked out again.

"Wait, no, you don't have to--"

"Did they hurt you? Are you okay? Where are you?" The man's voice was urgent, full of worry, and the blond teared up uncontrollably. He mumbled into the phone his address, and curled up under the porch, waiting for Tyler to arrive.

It was shocking how fast the man drove, because only a few minutes later, Ben saw the familiar bright red, dashing Mercedes pulling in right in front of him, and Tyler quickly got out of the car. The man didn't have time to open his umbrella before he practically threw himself at him.

"I'm so sorry, you really don't have to bother, I just don't know to turn to who for help…" The blond shook violently, voice breaking with gasps and sobs. "They just found out Malcom and I's text and my father got so mad mother only had time to push me out of the door before he hit me with--"

"It's okay. You're alright now. Take your mind off that, you need some rest. Come on, get in the car, I'm taking you to my place." The man stroke his hair gently and led him to the Mercedes with gentle hands. The young blond nodded and got into the passenger's seat, soaking wet and shivering in the cold. Professor Tyler sighed and leaned over to secure the boy's seat belt for him.

The entire trip to professor Tyler's house was silent, the only sound was the deafening roar of the rain outside, drowning the blond's shaky breaths. His entire body was aching, especially the side of his face, where his father threw a glass bottle at him. His jaw was numb and he wasn't sure if he could speak properly tomorrow. He and Malcolm had only been secretly dating for a week. It was the first time he found out that blokes were just as attractive as girls, and Malcolm was so nice to him. Malcom made his heart soar with affection again after the nasty childish break up with his first ever girlfriend, Linda. Everything was new to him - being with another boy and exploring each other's souls and bodies. And the more he dove deeply into the strange relationship with the redhead boy, the happier he became. 

He knew about the risks, of course, because he had seen how his father reacted to "the fags" on TV shows before, and dating a boy, no matter how sweet, amazing and romantic that boy was, was a death wish. He liked Malcolm more than he could ever say it, and that was also the reason he wanted to hide the boy from his parents. They did great, actually. No one suspected anything despite them having constant dates and kisses behind the bleachers after Ben's rugby game at school, and no other classmate or teacher could pinpoint why the blond's mood was always so happy lately. Only when his father found out the text between him and Malcom did everything went wrong, and all hell broke loose.

"God, look at you." Professor Tyler sighed. He went into the kitchen, leaving the blond boy to dry himself with the towel, and came back with a first aid kit. "Ben, sit still so I can check these wounds for you, okay?"

Ben obediently sat still, even when he couldn't help the shivering. He was hurt all over - but it wasn't half as scary as thinking about what tomorrow might bring. He knew he would never have a chance of coming back home again. The look on his father's face was murderous. If he ever set foot in that house again, it wouldn't be being slammed in the face with a glass bottle. It would be stabbed in the face with a broken one. 

"This may hurt a little, but try to keep still for me, yeah?" The man in front of him was still meticulously examining the cuts and scratches on his face, neck and arms, sighing repeatedly at every wound. He carefully cleaned the open wounds with disinfectant and covered them in neat bandages. Ben's eyes welled up again when he looked at Professor Tyler. He was the one that Ben shared all of his messed up feelings and fear with all these months. They first met in a career orientation meeting at Ben's school. Professor Tyler voluntarily enrolled in a project which sent university lecturers to local high schools to help the young students with their career, their social life and almost everything. The blond came to him and confessed, almost like confessing in churches, about his relationship with Malcolm. He didn't believe what they were having was wrong, no, but he was desperate to have someone who could listen to him, who could give him advices and tell him that he was alright.

"Thank you for picking me up, I don't know what I'd do without you." He whispered, lower his gaze at his all bloody hands. He never realized how much it hurt when he used his arms and hands to shield himself from the beating. The man gave him a sympathetic look and gently caressed his forming bruises, making him melted against the warmth. "I don't know what I'll do tomorrow. Where I'll go."

"You don't have to worry about that right now, kiddo." Professor Tyler chuckled lightly, combing his hand through the boy's blond hair. He had always made Ben feel safe. Like no matter who he loved, who he was with, the man would always be here to support him. "Come on, follow me to the guest room, you should take some rest and we'll talk about everything tomorrow. God, you're trembling."

.

.

.

Ben knew he was right when he woke up. He really couldn't speak properly. His jaw ached and he was sure that a huge bruise was blossoming on his cheek. His muscles were limping from all the running and dodging, too, and everywhere hurt. His eyes were nearly swollen from last night's crying and fearing for what might come in the future, now that he was officially homeless. The blond struggled to get up from the bed and looked around. He was in a strange bedroom, which he guessed was Professor Tyler's guest room. The man had took him in last night, when it was pouring rain and he had nowhere else to go.

Fighting hard to hold the tears back in, the young blond slowly got off the bed and wandered around. His legs were limping, but he ignored them and stepped forward. The house was incredible - he had never been to anywhere like it. Expensive furniture, artistic paintings and statues everywhere, and the corridors were so wide he wasn't sure if he could cross all of them with his legs being such a nuisance. Ben walked and gaped and walked until he finally reached a large room that he supposed was the dining room, and he saw Professor Tyler there. 

"Oh, Ben. I see that you're awake." The man smiled at him and stood up from his seat, welcoming him. "How are you feeling?"

"I feel like shit." The blond mumbled, and Tyler laughed. He stepped closer to wrap an arm around Ben's middle to usher him to the dining table.

"It's okay. I'm not surprised that you do. You must be hungry too, wait here a few minutes so I can prepare something for you." The man was about to turn into the kitchen when Ben held onto his sleeve and stopped him.

"You don't have to do that, I--I've been enough of a bother." He was fidgeting with a loose thread on his old t shirt, avoiding the man's eyes. "I think I need to leave soon, my father can be here and you wouldn't--"

"Stop that, Ben. You're not making any excuses to run. There's no way he can track you here, he knows nothing about me. And what's the problem if he can?" The man crossed his arms. "You did nothing wrong. I'm not letting him get to you ever again. You're under my wing now."

"I can't just show up and make you look after me, Professor." The blond bit his lip. "It's just--it's not right. You don't have to do anything for me."

The man sighed. "No, but I want to, Ben. You're a good student, a good kid, and I like you. You have no fault in this - I want to help you through it. That's the least I could do."

The boy didn't reply. He looked up at the man with confused and terrified eyes, like he couldn't believe that someone could be so kind to him all of a sudden. Tyler took a deep breath. Even when being all battered and covered in wounds, the boy still looked angelic. Young, pretty and innocent. Naive.

"You can stay here. I'll get you some new clothes and cover for schools and everything." The man squeezed his shoulders, thumbs stroking the warm flesh. "You won't have to worry about a thing. You're safe now."

The boy looked paralyzed. "But--I can't. I can't do that. I have to--" He swallowed dryly. "I'm fifteen now. I'm old enough. I'll find a job and look after myself."

"Oh, God, kid, what are you talking about?" The boy was truly, absolutely gorgeous. He had seen it the first time he saw the boy, but the closer they got, the more mesmerized he became. It was not the kind of gorgeous he found in older men, in obnoxiously flirtatious women, not in whores and strippers. No, Ben had the softest, most beautiful features he had ever seen. And a gentle, loving, romantic soul that made Tyler struggle to not just take him. Make him his. "You need to go to school. You can't just go out there facing everything alone. You have me."

Of course, the boy was still distant from him. Probably because he wasn't sure who to believe after being exposed to his parents and all the violence. It was a trauma, and Tyler never wanted the boy to go through something like that, but it was bound to happen. Ben needed to be free from them. He was the one that understood the boy, that cared for the boy and wanted to give him the best life, the best future. No one else had the right.

"Okay, you can have some time to calm down and think about it, yeah?" Tyler stroke his hair and walked back into the kitchen. "I'll make you something to eat. Just relax."

The blond boy just sat there, looking at the space his Professor had just sat in disbelief. His mind was still numb. He had just lost everything - his first boyfriend, his family, his entire future. He was frightened at the thought of continuing his life alone, without anyone to be by his side and anywhere to go back to. Ben was not strong. He had always known that. He was just a small, clueless boy that always crawl back inside his shell every time the world came at him with a pebble. But now, he was on his own, being a fifteen year old child wandering on the street, trying to make food out of everything. And he wanted to go to school. He never realized how much he loved his small, chaotic and bizzare high school until his chance of going there fell out of his hand. Ben's dream since he was little was to become more than this. More than an ordinary child coming from an ordinary neighborhood. He wanted to be out there, to be the center of attention instead of being completely neglected like in his family, to speak up and having everyone in the room silent to listen to him instead of being ignored and belittled in his own home - but that dream sounded so far away right now, when his voice mattered to no one.

Unless he accepted Professor Tyler's help. The man had promised to give him all the things he had lost with nothing in return. Professor was some kind of guardian angel who gave out a hand for the suffocating boy to grab onto. Ben knew he didn't deserve to be cared for so much by Professor Tyler, who had no responsibility over him, who shouldn't be carrying another burden, but the world out there was too big and scary. He was too afraid to be out there all by himself. Surviving was hard, but achieving his dream without any support? That would be impossible. He wouldn't have to spend his life as an invisible person if maybe... Maybe only taking a little help from Professor Tyler would be alright. And he would return every favor the man had did for him.

The young blond slowly stood up from his seat. The endearing smell of warm food - the smell that he hadn't felt in years - was making his mouth water. He was starving. And craving, too. For the affection that Professor Tyler gave him, the thing that his parents didn't. For having everything he had lost, but even more.

Professor Tyler was in the kitchen, frying sausages and sprinkling cheese in the salad, looking like the light at the end of the tunnel. 

"Professor Tyler?" Ben called, voice quivering a little, hands crunching the hem of his shirt. The man immediately turned around with a smile.

"Yes, Ben?"

"I...I think that I really need your help. With my tuition and money and everything." The boy swallowed a lump in his throat. "If you accept to help me… I promise I'll do anything to pay you back."

The man chuckled and squeezed the boy's shoulder. "It's always my pleasure."

"But I don't want to stay here. I really can't bother you by evading your privacy like that." The boy's eyes darted back and forth between the kitchenware, avoiding Professor Tyler's gaze. "I want to take care of myself as much as I can. I'll find a part time job. Can you help me find a place that I can afford the rent?"

"Seriously, kid, you're being too stubborn for your own good." The professor sighed unhappily, but he nodded. "Fine. You can stay in another place. But in one condition."

Ben stared at him. "Y-Yes?"

"That you'll choose your career as an actor in the future." The man's eyes shone with determination. "Go to my university, choose my department."

"What?" Ben asked in confusion, and the man smiled.

"I'm not just a professor, kid. My main job is a film director. And I see that you have talent for my area. I can help you to have whatever you wished for. A big house, a bright future, anything."

Ben wanted to be a rugby player. But then at that moment, the sport seemed to be so boring and mundane to him. Acting was something Professor Tyler thought he was good at. Acting would give him all the attention, all the voice that he wanted. He would never be invisible again.

"Yes, I will."

.

.

.

**5 years ago**

"Come on, you said you will do anything to pay me back. I'm not asking for anything too difficult."

Ben couldn't move. He struggled to sit up, but his muscles were jelly and burning. Heat spreaded all over his body, making him sweat furiously, gnawing at every cell. Every breath he took was a pant, and he just couldn't form words. All that ever came out of his mouth were whimpers.

"Relax, baby, everything will be fine." A large hand brushed stray strands his hair back, exposing more of his terrified eyes. He couldn't talk, he couldn't move, but he could see very clearly. And what he saw was like an invisible hand suffocating his lungs.

There he was, Professor Tyler. The guardian angel that was always looking over him, helping him with his broken family, his career, making him trust the man with everything he got. Pinning Ben down in a hotel bed where he was completely helpless under the effect of the thing in his drink, ghosting his fingers over the blond's cheeks and neck. Hungry eyes roaming over the blond's weakly writhing body, a greedy grin on his face. Ben no longer recognized the man he considered the savior of his life.

"God, you're the most beautiful creature I've ever set my eyes on." The man leaned down to bite at his jaw, making him trembled, eyes shut. Tears started to well up under his eyelids. He tried to get away, but he had never been this weak and useless. This can't be happening. No, this must be some stupid nightmare. Wake up, wake up, wake up.

"I knew it the moment you walked into that ridiculous room your high school assigned to me. I knew that I will have you, one way or another." Tyler continued to whisper in his ear, making him gasp. In fear or pain, he wasn't sure. The shock was still paralyzing him even more than the drugs - he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that Professor Tyler were doing this to him, no, no, this was some kind of illusion. Maybe it was because of him over drinking last night, or because of the horror movie he watched the other day, because of him…

"Ah!" The blond hiccuped when Tyler leaned back to stare at him with those dark eyes, piercing into his skull, swallowing him whole. Like a black hole that was pulling him in and engulfing him, leaving him no way to escape. Suddenly, a pair of hands started ripping off his clothes, and with every square of flesh showing, Ben's heart beat even more frantically in his chest. No. No no no.

"And you were so obedient. So sweetly trustful." The voice rung in his mind. "You followed everything I told you without questions. You were always honest with me. Unlike all those annoying people out there, doubting my talent and judging my work. No, you are so sweet, baby, even became an actor just for me. How amazing is that?"

He hated himself. He hated himself so much for trusting and doing everything Tyler told him to. How could he really believe the man only wanted the best for him? How could he be that stupid? Ben started sobbing, tears blurred his vision. He'd rather die than be here.

It was cold without his clothes. They were all scattered somewhere on the floor of the hotel room. He had been wondering why Professor Tyler chose that place to set up a meeting with him. He had been wondering about his professor's solution to his miserable, full of obstacle career. He had been wondering how the man could help him to grab the opportunities that he needed to become more. Turned out, there was his answer. Desperation, fear, loss and a broken heart. 

"You have no idea, don't you, sweetheart?" That sickeningly sweet voice was so close to him, making him numb. "About why you never get a role that is worth of your talent? A role that is worth of all the dedication and hard work you spent all this time?"

The blond's green eyes opened wide, staring up at him. Please, please, don't…

"It's because I didn't allow you to, baby." The man growled, grabbing his thighs so hard pain shot like electricity over his body, snapping them open mercilessly. "You want your independence? Never. You will never survive without me in this industry, and you will always be mine. Always be that sweetly trustful and obedient little boy who has nowhere to go."

That was when another wave of heat erupting from his lower half, and Ben was even more frightened when he realized what the drugs did to him. He was scared. He was pained. He was betrayed, disgusted, and hated himself more than anything. And despite all of that, he was hard. Professor Tyler seemed to be particularly fond of that, now wrapping that scalding hand of his around the blond's cock with a smirk.

"Oh, look at this, baby. That excited for me?"

No, no, no. The man didn't even bother to use anything - condom, lubricant, he just threw Ben's legs over his shoulders and lined up against the blond. He hopelessly looked up, knowing the searing pain that was about to come.

"I'll won't make you wait anymore then."

Ben suddenly pushed him off the bed with all the strength he had gathered. Tyler fell off in shock, and he used that to get himself out of the bed and tried to escape. When he set foot down onto the floor, he fell over and couldn't get back up. His head was dizzy, he could only crawl on the ground, but he used everything he had to move forward, get out of there. 

"Ah, ah, ah." The same pair of hands wrapped around his neck and pulled him back as easy as breathing, cutting off his air. "Easy, tiger. Nowhere to run."

Ben clawed onto the ground as he was dragged violently from where he was right back to the bed, and thrown on the mattress. All of his energy ran out after the attempt to run, and those hands now held onto his body even more tightly, preventing him from moving.

"You'd still be good for me, would you?" Tyler slammed his cock into him without warning, and he screamed. The man thrusted into him faster and faster every second, ripping him apart. God, it hurt, it hurt. He was bleeding into the sheets, he couldn't breathe with those hands tightening on his throat, and his body was so heavy he couldn't lift his hands off the surface of the bed. 

"Don't cry, tiger." The man chuckled above him, wiping away the tears that kept streaming down his face, hips still snapping inside him hysterically. "A role in EastEnders sounds fine, yeah? How about I give it to you after this fun meeting of ours?"


	9. Chapter 9

"We need your explanation, Ben." The words were bitter in his mouth, but Gwil ignore the sting and tried to keep his emotions out of his voice. Disappointment and frustration had been eating him from the moment he saw the envelopes, and he thought he was about to break.

"What are you talking about? Why is everyone here?" The blond's confusion was clear on his face, eyes darting from Lucy to Joe to Brian and Roger. They were all busy, especially the two older rock stars. They wouldn't be here again if nothing was wrong. And his heart dropped when he realized there was only one thing that could go wrong.

"You know what I mean." Gwil held out his hands and just as the blond's greatest fear and nightmare, the horrendous pictures were out and opened, almost hundreds of them, displaying the worst memories inside his head. Stupid tears flooded his vision again. 

"Gwil told us everything, Ben. About you asking him to get rid of these pictures, about how strange you were around director Tyler." Brian's voice was still soothing and calming, but the words were like a million knives were stabbing in his chest. "I don't know what happened, and I really want to hear it from you."

Gwil had spent so much time trying to get Ben out of his shell, to open up and become more like himself, and right now, he was tearing all of the effort apart. It hurt him more than he could expected. More than the moment he tore open the envelopes and saw those photos in there. They were spread from years ago till lately, in many different locations, with various qualities, but the same thing about all of them that made his hand shook so badly was that they all featured the same people. The same thing. Ben and Easton Tyler, their director. They were having sex. Behind each photo, there was a small note with the name of a movie, series or a play that Ben had been in. And the worst thing was that the blond and the man both looked so passionate in those pictures. Full of heat and desire. They all looked disgusting to Gwil, but the blond clearly was having a good time, having sex with the director.

Of course, there was nothing wrong with having sex, didn't matter how Gwil think of them, Ben had the right to sleep with anyone he wanted to. But the names behind those photos suggested something else. Especially the latest one, looking so new, with them having steamy sex and the name Bohemian Rhapsody on the back. Those were every single project that the blond had been in, and Lucy got online to check them out. Lots of them had Tyler's name in the list. Many others featured producers and directors that were close colleagues of his in the university he was teaching in. The more they found out about the meaning of those photos, the more terrified Gwil became.

Ben had been so sure that everyone would hate him after this, and right now, Gwil understood why. He had been trading sex to get roles in different movies and shows, including the famous X Men franchise, and God knows if there was even more behind that. Everything that he thought about Ben being hard working, talented and earnest was wrong. The image of man that he thought he knew was crumbling, and he wasn't sure what was left behind. Did the man he cared about even exist? Or all of that was a fake facade he made up to fool people like Gwil? Ben had been hiding this, what else had he been lying to Gwil and everyone? All that time, he thought that there might be something between them, and he just needed to reach out to grab it. But seeing how steamy and wild those photos were, probably the blond was just like that to many others. Every smile that they shared together, every night that Gwil stayed up to make sure that Ben went into sleep peacefully, every walking session that the blond held onto his hands and looked at him with all the trust and determination. Were all of them fake? Did he really mean anything to the blond? Who was he looking at?

"You keep asking me to trust you." The blond suddenly whispered, and all eyes turned to Gwil. "But then you never trusted me enough to keep a simple promise."

The guilt flared up inside him like wildfire.

"I first met Tyler when he came into my school and became the students' advisor for a project. He was always kind to me and never judgemental, even when I once told him that I was into both girls and boys. With parents who could beat the shit out of me if they knew, he was the only person that made me feel safe. I looked up to him more than anyone." Ben's eyes snapped up to stare back at all of them, red with tears, but he had never seen eyes that were more angry. More agonizing. His figure was trembling, knuckles turned white, but his voice was strong and calmed. Too calmed. Cold, even. "But eventually it all came out, and I got a fair share of wounds and bruises before I managed to run out of my childhood home. I had nowhere else to turn to, no friends, no relatives, and as the scared and fragile puppy that I was, I turned to him for help. He was very nice to me, sponsoring my tuition, my rent, he shaped my future. He was my guardian angel, even though he never let anyone know it. No record, no trails, just a thing between us."

He didn't even look at the rest of them when he spoke. He just stared at Gwil, snarled every word like it was meant for him.

"I was the stupidest and weakest creature ever. Hell, I still am. I never doubted everything he said, did everything he suggested me to do, even becoming an actor just because of him. All of my life, I seek for his approval and praise. He meant the world to me. I consider him the father that I never had."

"But after graduating from the drama school, my career got down a slope. I worked harder than anyone, took in every advice from my uni, especially him, to improve myself, and I did almost everything to earn a role. A proper role that could actually pay the bills. But it never worked, and I couldn't understand why. I thought that it was my fault, that there was something wrong with me. I mean, if people think I'm useless, it must be my lack of talent, right?" The blond chuckled bitterly. "I thought I disappointed Tyler. I was so guilty I asked him for a way to get on stage, to get a movie, whatever it takes, to have something. I couldn't wait to start paying him back for everything he did for me. And guess what? He asked me to pay him back by staying still and not trying to get away while the drug work and he could have his way with me."

Gwil's eyes went wide open. But he saw--Ben looked so--so voluntary in those photos. How could he--

"That was when I found out that I could never escape. He had my career in his hand, my entire life depend on him, and the roles he gave me after were just a bonus. The first time was just some drugs in my drink to get me paralyzed. Next times, he pumped me full of aphrodisiac to make it all more fun. To make me an animal that he had in his command." Ben's voice was getting more and more icy every second. His eyes were piercing into Gwil's, making the guilt spread even faster. Next to him, Lucy was covering her mouth, crying quietly. Rami held her, but he couldn't do anything to stop the woman. "He has been having me in control for years. I tried to get away from him, of course. I tried to run away, but I realized I was addicted to the concoction he injected me with, and there was no way I could be far from him for long." His right hand ghosted over the mark on his left arm, and Gwil's blood froze in his veins. 

"I tried to get evidence of him--raping me, so I could expose him and get him in jail, but I couldn't. I was caught every time, and he punished me harder and harder after that. Do you know why I never let you see me in a bath, Gwil? Because those bruises look nasty and I just wanted you to not be disgusted." His voice quivered as a tear ran down his cheek, and Gwil was also tearing up before knowing it. "I wasn't allowed to have a close relationship with anyone, because I could let out something, and because Tyler just wanted to own me. Do you remember Frankie, the beagle that I told you, now living with my ex girlfriend, Kat?"

Joe swallowed as he nodded, face as pale as a paper sheet. Next to him, Brian and Roger looked like they had seen a ghost as well.

"Yeah. Tyler found out about my secret dates with her, and he sent some thugs to her apartment, threatened to stab her to death. She was too scared to even look at my face after that. I got so upset that I tried to go up against him again. I thought his threats were just empty. Who on earth would really send people to come and stab you to death anyway?" The blond shrugged, "Turned out that he could. And here I am."

Ben paused for a minute to just breath in. The room's air was full of invisible, heavy tension. No one said a word, all of them too shocked and horrified at the blond's words. They knew nothing about what he had been through, and Gwil, God. Gwil just wanted to slam his head into the wall for being so stupid. Ben was the victim trapped in that man's cage for so long, suffering for so long, and right when he needed Gwil the most, Gwil lost his faith in him. He was ashamed of his own thoughts earlier in the day. He wanted nothing more than to heal those wounds Ben had, but when something went wrong, he turned his doubt to Ben and made those wounds got even worse. And those hollow, daunting green eyes…

"He sent those envelopes here to make sure that I was reminded about what he will do if I disobey him again. He never chose anything that could go against him, of course. All of them are specifically picked so everyone looking would see it as me, whoring myself out to have roles. No one would see him as the monster he is, and I would never dare to let these get out." The blond let out a sigh as he looked at the photos and flip them over to examine the handwriting at the back. None of them dared to make a move, until Rami stepped up and put his hand on Ben's shoulder.

"We'll help you to stop him, Ben. There's no way we can just leave you with him like that. You'll have to fight back one more time."

Ben smiled at him, even though everyone could see how empty the smile was. "I've been fighting back non stop since forever, and I'm just tired now, Rami. He could actually send someone to kill all of you if I even try to do anything. I'd be stupid to put you in danger. But thank you."

No one expected the director could go as far as masterminding a homicide. Those things mostly happened in movies, and whenever Gwil thought about it, it all seemed like something so far away from his world. He had no idea someone so close to him was suffering from the same thing. Having an invisible leash and collar around his neck, being abused for the sake of his job, and was attacked viciously if he ever tried to escape. It was not a cage, it was a wooden box. With no air, no light, just the suffocating darkness and no way to run. Ben masked the devastation so well when they first met. But now, it was all over his face, bleeding in his eyes.

"Roger?" The blond suddenly said, and the older man looked at him.

"Yes, Ben?"

"You really should find someone else for the role. Tyler must have messed up the auditioning process so you can only see me as the best candidate. I think if you hold the audition yourself, you'll find thousands of others better than me to play you." He pulled the blanket tighter around himself, smiling. "Then the movie would be a lot better. All I do is lying and pretending. You deserve someone who can be truthful."

"Kid…"

"You guys are the best. I can't ask for better friends and mentors. No one else had ever been so kind to me. I hate to let you see this ugly side of me, but sometimes it hard to hide it." He gave them a big, teary grin, raising his hand to wipe the tears away. First Joe stepped up, and then Rami, Lucy, Roger, Brian and Gwil finally pulled himself out of the numbness that was spreading over his body to give the blond a tight hug. He wasn't sure if Ben even wanted a hug from him. Just thinking about what he said a few minutes ago… You keep asking me to trust you. But you never trust me enough to keep a single promise. "Please don't do anything stupid, I can't bear being the reason that any of you get hurt."

When they all let go, the blond took in a shaky breath. "Can you give me a minute alone? I--I need to figure out something."

And then they slowly, one by one, got out of the room, leaving only Gwil behind.

"Ben, I'm so sorry for breaking my promise--"

"It's my fault." The blond didn't even look at him. "Expecting too much from others. Stupid move. Don't apologize."

"Ben, come on, don't--"

"I understand when you didn't trust me, Gwil. I understand if you think all of this is something I made up. I don't really care." He pressed his lips together in a thin line. "Because I never trust you anyway. Just get out."

Gwil could never imagine a time in his life where he messed up this badly. He had ruined everything he tried to build between him and Ben. He believed in what Tyler made him believe instead of hearing it from Ben in the first place. He violated the blond's trust. 

Lucy went to him the minute he walked out of the door, eyes red and blotchy with tears. "God, Gwil, I'm sorry I talked you into--"

"It's okay. At least now we know."

"Come on, we have to fight back! He needs us!" Joe was yelling quietly at the rest of them, pacing back and forth. "He's my best friend! I can't just leave him in the claws of that monster!"

"You heard him, Joe. If we ever get involved, we'd end up in the hospital, or worse." Brian rubbed his forehead. "We have to spend time to think about this. This is dangerous."

"You mean we all should ignore the whole thing and move on?" Roger glared at him, and the man flinched.

" _What_? _No_! I mean we should think first before making a move, this can put us all in danger! Do you want another actor of our biopic get stabbed like Ben? Do you even think about them at all?"

"We are not _scared_ of him." Rami's voice was strong. "We want to help Ben."

"Locking Tyler away for good is the only way we can properly save Ben, and even then, he still can pull his strings in prison to send someone after us." Brian was distressed. "Roger and I will find a way. You kids all stay put. I can't let you get hurt again."

"We are not _kids_ anymore, Brian!" Joe blinked furiously. "We are grown ups. We are not afraid, and we can help. You two can get hurt too! What'll happen to the world if something happened to you guys?"

"Oh, shit." All of them turned to where Rami was standing, and he pointed at the hospital room's door, where Ben was in. Except for the fact that the door was open, and no one was in there. Only an empty, messy bed.


	10. Chapter 10

They were all _devastated_ , and the most obvious one was Gwil, who didn't even bother to hide his pain and guilt. It had been a week since Ben ran away, and there hadn't been a dead end they didn't hit. They searched for the blond man everywhere, but the more they looked, the more they realized they knew nothing about him. They got the information about his apartment in London from the resume, but turned out it was a property owned by Easton Tyler, and it hadn't heard from Ben for months. There was no other information about his family, his close friends or where he could go. The only thing they found was his previous family name, Jones, and they doubted it would be helpful. The searching was even more difficult when they had to deal with Tyler, the hospital staff and even the press to make sure that Ben's disappearance didn't come across as suspicious. Brian and Roger had been lying non stop about the blond's status and prevented anyone from seeing him so the director couldn't be alerted. 

Brian wanted to act alone - finding Ben and firing Tyler and free the young man from that beast by his own power, but he eventually had to admit that not even him could make magic on his own. The journey they had to take to bring Tyler down was long and more than just bumpy, and Joe, Rami, Lucy and Gwil managed to persuade him to let them help. They were on the way of setting up a plan to rescue Ben from the dark, hollow pit he was trapped in. Finding evidence, finding witnesses, hiring lawyers and controlling the media. Ben's case wasn't the only one in the entertainment industry where actors and actresses were forced to give themselves away in order to keep their job, and if they bring Tyler to light, they could take down more monsters like him. If being led right, the media could put a pressure to make sure Tyler couldn't get away with what he did, didn't matter how powerful he was. Joe wanted to hire a private investigator to spy on Tyler, but all of them agreed that it was better not to share any information with anyone besides themselves and their own connections. It was a risky and difficult plan, and it took a lot of patience and love to sacrifice their time and effort for the blond, but none of them wavered at the thought. It almost brought tears to Gwil's eyes, when he realized how much of a family they had become. Only after two months, their love for each other was more than what other people could develop after a lifetime together. It was almost a miracle.

"But we need to focus on finding Ben first. He wouldn't be back to Tyler, because now that he dropped the role and told us everything, that bastard will hurt him really bad if he found out." Rami's voice was calmed, but determined. His grey eyes were full of rage whenever they had to mention Tyler. "So we'll cross his apartment from the list, because Tyler bought it for him."

"How do you know that?" Joe asked, narrowing his eyes at the address on Ben's resume on the table. They were sitting in a corner booth of a coffee shop near Ben's hospital, making the plan. The shop was basically empty saved for them and the owner, but being careful was never too much, especially when what they were about to do could change Ben's life. The thought of the blond made Gwil's stomach twist with worry and guilt. If something happened to Ben because Gwil exposed him in front of the others, he would never forgive himself.

"I had a friend. You know, a _hacker_ friend, a real one, from Mr Robot." Rami rolled his eyes. "I asked him to track down the bills and contract. All of the money comes from Tyler's bank account."

"Why didn't Ben pay for his apartment himself? It's not like he's unemployed or anything." Brian voiced his question, and Rami shook his head.

"He made enough money for the rent and the bills, too much, even, but he had to transfer Tyler everything and receive only the amount that bastard wanted to give him." The man sighed. 

"It's like Trident records all over again." Roger's eyes were wide open with anger. "The boy is practically a slave for him!"

"Can't this be used against him in court?" Gwil looked at Rami.

"We know that, but we can't prove that he forced Ben into giving him all the money. Tyler can act like Ben gave him voluntarily out of his own desire, and it's not a crime to receive money from someone."

"Right, back to the point, how are we going to find him? Should we split up?" Lucy said her first sentence in the entire conversation, and everyone looked at her.

"Why would you think it's a good idea?" Brian eyebrows creased together, and the blonde woman drew an invisible mind map on the table with her finger.

"So we have to do four things, right? Find Ben, find evidence, find witnesses, and dealing with the press once the news get out. We can split into smaller groups to handle all of them at once, so we can save our precious time before Tyler went to hunt Ben down."

"I agree with that." Rami nodded. "We have to be prepared in case we can't find Ben before Tyler does, or he won't agree to come back if Tyler was still free. We have to bring Tyler to trial doesn't matter if Ben was there or not."

"Alright, so what do we do? Just tell us." Gwil gave Rami a firm nod. He knew how letting Rami lead them would be the best idea - the man was the oldest one in the cast, always calmed, and wasn't affected by emotions. Brian and Roger had a lot on their plate already. Gwil winced when he remembered three days ago when he got so frustrated about not knowing where Ben was he almost barged into Tyler's hotel room to shake the confession out of him. Even Joe held him back, and he had never seen anyone more outrageous than the redhead. He was so worried for Ben he couldn't _think_ straight. It was an embarrassment. The blond was desperate for help and the last thing he needed was an impulsive idiot who ruined everything.

"I still have some favors from my hacker friend, so I will ask him to trace the source of the photos Tyler took of him and Ben. They look like they're from a camera, and if we get the full tape, we can have the evidence." Lucy nodded at his words. "Gwil and Joe should go to the asylum his attacker was locked in to see if we can prove Tyler hired him in the first place. And Brian, you have been in this industry for decades, you have your connections. Can you help us find Ben? Roger, I think Ben needs some good lawyers and some reporters to attract the public about his case, so can you get them for us?"

Both of the rockstars nodded.

"Brilliant." Joe stood up from his seat, making a screeching noise with his chair. "We should get started right now. I can't _wait_ to put that bastard behind bars."

.

.

.

  
  


"Here's yours." The man behind the counter slid a plastic zip lock bag across, and Ben nodded as he took the bag, quickly getting out of the laundry shop. He had to wait for two days for them to finish the fake IDs and paperwork. It could have taken faster, but he couldn't risk spending all the money he got into that, even when it was the key to his shackles.

He didn't notice himself shivering from the nerves as he stopped at a corner to open the bag and look into it. The fake passport said his name was Andrew McLean, born on 25th March 1993 in Belfast. He bit his lip when he remembered about the Benjamin Jones passport in the safe in Tyler's basement. Another leash that he could finally cut off from his collar. Changing the last name of a family that disowned him from fifteen was simply not enough. He was no longer a Jones, but he was still a Ben. And the longer he was Ben Hardy, he stayed under the control of Easton Tyler, and if he wasn't careful enough, he would probably be hunted down.

That man was always sadistic, but sending a lunatic to kill him was--well, completely unexpected and plainly evil. Imagine how he would react when he knew all of the cast and even Brian and Roger found out. If Ben wasn't long gone, his head would probably on a spike. The man was serious the other day as he placed a venomous kiss on the blond's ear and told Ben if he ever tried to go up against Tyler again, he would be missed. Very much. Gwil was out to get dinner at the time, and Ben had never been more frightened. The blond was still shocked about the attack though, even when he shouldn't. With the rising rate of violence and brutality he had to receive in each "small meetings" they had after he got into Bohemian Rhapsody, Ben should know that the chance of actually losing his life was possible. The closer they got in making the film, the longer he had to suffer from the torture. Tyler had an obsession over his body and the knowing that the bastard owned him, but Ben knew if he pushed to far, not even his pretty face was going to save him this time. Like in any other cases. 

Ben sighed as he booked a plane ticket in the burner phone and patiently waited for his order to be processed. Around him, people were walking carefreely, laughing and talking, some going out for a walk, some just heading home to their family. He winced when a man passing him talked loudly over the phone to his wife about how he was cutting the overtime short to spend the weekend with her and the twins. He seemed so freakishly happy. Everyone seemed so freakishly happy. No guns behind their heads ready to fire, no loved ones being left behind by their own cowardice, and no passion thrown into the trash can just because of their stupidity and incompetence. He hated that.

He hated running and leaving them. The cast and Brian and Roger. It was a strange feeling, having someone caring about you like a family. Brian was really worried about him. The man didn't have the responsibility to look after him, but he still cared, because he was a good father, something the blond barely got the chance to experience. Roger was trying to be distant and serious because well, he hated being called soft and sweet, but he knew the man checked on him all the time. He knew the man was proud to have him as a mini version of him, even though he didn't know the truth about how Ben got the part. Joe was the energetic sibling that made Ben laugh all the time and would bicker with anything he said if it means making the movie more emotional and powerful. Lucy was kind and sweet and probably more mature than any of the guys, Rami was the ultimate babysitter who tried his best but never reached the level of chaotic that Joe possessed, and the two of them were the divine idea of a perfect couple that sometimes Ben just wished someone would look at him the way they looked at each other. Or make him laugh the way they laughed at each other's absolutely boring jokes. He wished someday he would find someone who loved him that much, despite all the filth he got himself into. And Gwil… Sometimes, he daydreamed about Gwil being that person. Just sometimes, because he knew Gwil would never accepted him, because he would cause Gwil danger, and being with someone like him would ruin Gwil's career. 

And well obviously now Gwil was already disgusted by him, so the dumb daydreams should be gone. He clutched the phone in his hand, staring at the screen with annoyance to stop being distracted with the chatter of the happy people around. Ben could still remember the man's angry, disappointed and purely sickened gaze when he came into the hospital room with the envelopes in his hands. It shouldn't be, but still was the most vulnerable moment he had to go through for a while. Even worse than being locked in a hotel room with Tyler somehow. At least he hated Tyler. At least he had been doing it for so long he started to get used to the pain. But he always thought Gwil trusted him. When the cast found out, those sharp, accusing gaze pierced into him, making him frozen and suffocated. Scared. The man didn't say it, but Ben could see it in his eyes. He truly believed Ben was whoring himself out for roles voluntarily, and he was only one step away from loathing the blond to death. It hurt to know that you didn't mean much to the man who meant everything to you. If it wasn't for Brian's calmed request to tell everything, Gwil wouldn't have let him explain. Or wouldn't listen. But then how could Ben blame him? He had to work hard to pass hundreds of talented candidates to earn the role of Brian May, while the blond only had to lie still and open his legs as wide as he could.

A ting came from the message box on the screen, and he let out a sigh of relief when his seat was successfully booked. The flight would take off tomorrow evening, and he was leaving the country. It was the only way for him to escape Tyler's claws. If this ever gotten out, Tyler would lose his career. Not jail, because he was powerful enough to dodge that and erase all evidence, but the scandal would ruin his place in the showbiz. Ben would love to hear that, but of course, from somewhere else where he was less likely to be stabbed again. Singapore was a nice choice. 

He looked around and started to realize how much he would miss this place. The UK had been his home his entire life. The people, the culture, the food,... He would never imagine giving everything up. But for his freedom, that would be a small price to pay. The freedom from pain, humiliation and fear. He had sacrificed the only people he cared about as a family, and now he was going to sacrifice his way of life. His career as well. Acting was something Tyler tricked him into, but he _loved_ it. He loved it so much he stayed in Tyler's control just to continue the path of being the center of attention, of having a voice that people could hear, and of being visible. When he was acting, he was not himself. He could be anyone, he could also be free, even for just a few hours. 

The cash he brought with him could help him to survive for a while before he found a real job in Singapore. Being a waiter, working as a barista at Starbucks, something like that. Start his life all over. The blond shoved the zip bag into his pocket and threw the phone away before turning back to his motel. Every step he took was difficult and made him out of breath, but at least now he could walk on his own. And sometimes, he could walk really fast. Ben chuckled at his own pathetic thoughts. He used to be able to lift two thirds of his body weight, and now he just wanted to walk upstairs without clutching his chest, panting or fainting. His lungs protested loudly as he tried to walk faster.

Ben tried to look as normal and healthy as he could when he stepped into the lobby of the cranky motel and asked for his key. The blond gave the motel owner a warm smile and a small chuckle when the woman's cheeks blushed. She looked rather pretty, with brown locks and lovely eyes. Maybe in another life where Ben was not emotionally and sexually damaged, he could actually go out with her sometimes, to clear his mind off Gwil. The antsy feelings sent shivers down his spine as he got up the stairs as quickly as possible. It was stupid when bisexuals should be all opened and free and flirtatious with people from both genders, but here he was, being afraid to even get close to any of them. They would be disgusted when they got to know him, just like Gwil did. Like he did, right at that moment.

The cravings came expectedly, but still so sudden it made Ben dizzy and hollow. It was like when he overworked, forgot to have breakfast and his blood sugar dropped, making him disoriented and exhausted. But right now, he knew it wasn't sugar that he craved for, and he loathed himself because of it. Ben tried to even out his breath as he closed the door behind himself and staggered towards the travel bag on the corner of the bed, stumbling for the final syringe at the bottom of the bag, pulling it out. The slightly blue color of the chemical inside made his stomach twirl - he had seen it so many times and it destroyed him every single one. It was the rape drug that Tyler developed to use on him, the one that made his body act upon itself without any control, cutting off all connections with his mind to become an animal that threw itself on the director's cock, demanding to be fucked until pass out. The worst thing about it was that he was completely aware of everything he was doing, remembered _everything_ , but couldn't do _anything_ about it. Tyler said he could use something else that can make Ben forget everything happened, but then he wanted the blond to remember him deeply. Engrave the memories in his mind, so he knew how much Tyler _enjoyed_ him. 

_Wait, no,_ Ben groaned bitterly as he sat on the bed and fished out some leather handcuffs from his bag. _That was not the worst thing._ He secured the cuffs on the headboard of the bed and turned around to open the lid of the syringe. _The worst thing was that Tyler made this drug cocktail addictive, so Ben couldn't live without it, and he would never escape._ The blond injected the needle into his vein and pushed the drugs in. He managed to steal three doses from Tyler a while ago, even before Bohemian Rhapsody, to plan his escape. He needed them to survive the first few days before moving to somewhere safe so he could overcome his cold turkey phase without having Tyler on his tail. And by _survive_ , he meant going through all of the raping trauma he had been through again. Quickly, he cuffed himself into the bed and lay down, preparing for the nightmare to pass. As the haunting heat started to flare up inside his body, he wondered why he hadn't died from this yet. Probably very soon.


	11. Chapter 11

"What does it say in the file, Joe?" Gwil mumbled as he followed Joe into the elevator. The metal box took them down into the underground facilities where they kept patients with criminal records, and the dark, suffocating atmosphere made Gwil shiver. It suited the guy.

"Danny Owen, born on 12th June 1982, no records about his family, clearly he had been living on the street most of his life." Joe's eyebrows creased as he read the medical file out loud. When they came in asking to meet the one being put away for attacking an actor, the staff just left them with the medical records file and completely ignored them after that. "He's diagnosed with bipolar disorder, depression, something something disorder, something something syndrome, I honestly can't understand half of these, but his list is pretty long. Ben said that Tyler hired this psycho Owen to warn stab him, so I guess we'll just turn on the recorder and try to get things out of him."

"Tyler is too careful to let his murder weapon out in the open like this, I think this Owen guy's going to be pretty tough. Or just too insane to function. We'll have to spend a long time here to make him talk." Gwil sighed, and Joe slammed the file case on the wall of the elevator.

"I'm gonna lock myself in there with him for a week if it means I can find something that can destroy that son of a bitch." He growled, stomping his feet. Ben would have been very touched if he could ever see this. Joe would be the kind of tiger friend that tears apart anything that came in Ben's way.

"Just don't get physical, I don't want us to get kicked out." Gwil patted Joe's shoulder, and the man groaned in frustration.

"Aren't you furious, Gwil? Don't you want to punch him in the face for what he did? Hiring a psychopath to stab Ben to death? Who would do that?!" Joe said angrily. "You have a huge crush on Ben, you should be the most outraged one out of us!"

The other man just rolled his eyes and didn't reply. He wasn't sure how he felt, to be honest. His mind flickered through various options. Sad, because Ben left the hospital angry at him. Disappointed, for letting Ben down. Worry, because he had no idea where Ben was and if the man was okay. Upset, because Tyler could abuse, exploit and torture Ben for years and got away with everything so easily. Fear, because he might never have the chance to tell Ben how much he cared about him. There were many things that he should feel, so many they all blended and twisted together into this numb, burning and empty feeling inside his stomach. It turned him into a silent ghost these past days. 

"What if we can't succeed, Joe?" He suddenly asked, and the other man slapped his arm. 

"What the heck are you talking about? We haven't even started and you want to quit already?"

"I don't want to quit, I'm just worried that if we don't succeed, there's no other way to help Ben. And we might never see him again, much less starring in a film with him. And--"

"Okay, okay, stop. I know that you're afraid that Ben is gonna leave you forever if you don't bring Tyler down. You know what, I think it's probably true." Joe shrugged, and the other man winced. "But we can do it. Come on, we have Rami and Lucy and Brian and Roger and everything! Roger is ten times more powerful than that Tyler guy, and he adores Ben. He and Brian would save the world if we can't. No need to worry."

"Right, so your way of encouraging me is to tell me that even if I fail, Roger and Brian can still do it anyway?" Gwil said sarcastically as the two of them got out of the elevator and made a line to the visiting room where Owen had been arranged to meet them there since minutes ago.

"A safety net. Nothing's wrong with that. Now you can stop focusing on not to lose and finally paying some attention to winning."

They opened the door and greeting them inside was the same man that started cracking open the perfect shell of Ben's life. The attacker. Dark hair, dull brown eyes and sitting on the desk with his wrists cuffed, being completely bored, as if seeing the people who were suffering from the consequence of his vicious attack was the most boring, mundane and minor thing in the world. His attitude made Gwil's blood boil, and he was sure that Joe's were too. But they tried to keep their cool as they got into the room after hearing the instructions of the nurse and sat down on the chairs facing Owen. When the attack took place, both of them were too shocked to do anything but watch, and seeing him now made the memories of the man that had almost taken Ben's life away made Gwil's heart twist. He remembered waving to the crowd before getting off the remake Live aid stage, knowing that they weren't their fans, but Queen's, and seeing Owen in the front row. He didn't really keep the image in mind until that psychopath hopped onto the stage with a knife and went for Ben in front of his eyes. The person that could look into Ben's terrified green eyes and kept stabbing the knife into his chest without any hesitation was Satan himself.

"Well look who's here." Owen chuckled, teeth bare in a creepy Joker grin that sent shivers down Gwil's spine. He excitedly braced himself on the tabletop to push himself forward, staring at the two of them with awe. "The famous kings of Queen."

"Skip the introduction. Daniel Owen, we're here to talk about your assault at Ben Hardy." Joe ignored his playful words and went straight to the point, the medical file slammed onto the table. Behind him, Gwil discreetly took out his phone to record everything they said. "Stop playing dumb and tell us everything."

"Why, now you want to hear the story from the murderer's perspective?" Owen hummed as he sat back in his chair. "It's been a month, you two! Don't you think it's a little too late?"

"None of your damn business. Just tell me why you did that." Joe glared at him, and the psychopath just grinned.

"Come on, it's been on all over the news the past weeks! I'm insane!" Owen rolled his eyes with a smirk, making the two men more and more furious every second. "One of the voices inside my head asked me to stab Ben Hardy, trying to kill him whatsoever, so I have to stay here so they can help me. You know, the psychiatrists? Yeah, they said that about me as well. I'm just nuts. Oh, shut up, don't interrupt me talking to the Bohemian Rhapsody blokes. I already heard you the last time!"

Gwil took in a deep breath, annoyance rose inside his head as Joe continued to bicker around with the criminal for about fifteen minutes. The man simply smirked at them, denying everything that they had on him or any connection to Tyler. Every three minutes, he would talk to the voices in his head and ignored the two of them. He laughed obnoxiously when they mentioned Ben's words about Tyler hiring him for the attack, and started mocking.

"I already told you, there's this voice inside my head told me that the blondie looked a little suspicious, you know? I mean, he looks nothing like Roger Taylor, I think he got his role by cheating. The voices hate cheaters." Owen narrowed his eyes at them seriously, and Gwil bit his lip. "So I suppose that I just need to erase him out of the picture, and then they can find another one."

"So you stabbed him just because of that voice inside your head? Nothing else?" Joe sighed tiredly, and Owen shrugged.

"They consist that I should be kept here to get rid of that voice, but come on, whoever it is, it was right about Roger Taylor and Ben Hardy!"

The door slammed open as five hospital staff flooded in. The doctors pointed at the two of them and the securities guards marched in to grab them, not telling them anything, just pulled them out. They struggled to break out of their hold, but they were too strong and they could only glare at Owen's smug wave of goodbye.

"Seriously, what is this?!" Gwil demanded when the guards stopped grabbing them. "We had permission to go in there! Everyone's fine with that!"

"No, no one is fine with that." One of the doctors stepped up, eyeing them furiously. "We have a strict rule of not letting anyone seeing Mr. Owen while his treatment and sessions are being carried out. You're violating the asylum's basic rules for keeping the quality of the patient's treatment."

"We got in here this morning and we asked the one at the reception table to see him." Joe huffed. "She threw us his files and the room number. There's even someone outside instructing us before meeting him."

"That's completely made up. No one here did that." The doctor waved his hand dismissively. "You're just getting yourself in and now making up stories to get away with it. Securities, please get them out. And put Mr. Owen’s files back into the file case room."

The guards started to shove them to the exit when the doctor's phone rang and he pulled it out of his pocket. From behind him, Gwil could see the name Easton Tyler Professor flashing on the screen before the doctor picked up the phone and walked away to talk, and he froze at the realization. The doctor was just one of his puppets to control the situation. The entire asylum was in Tyler's hand all along, without any crack that they could slip through. The guards threw them out of the door before slamming it against their face.

"Did you see that? The one that just called that bloke was Tyler! He found out we were getting things out of Owen and he sent them in to kick us out." Gwil turned to Joe, and the man gasped.

"Son of a bitch. I can't believe it." He paced back and forth, staring at the ground beneath him. "That Owen guy must be important. We have to dig deeper into him."

"Where do we even start? We spent the last hours searching for articles about his background and he’s a complete dark hole. He’s been in that asylum his whole life." Gwil bit his lip, looking at the closed-off building. They were no detectives, they knew nothing about investigating and they had no information in their hands. “I mean, the only thing that we can grab from him is in the medical records that we just left in there.”

Joe also spared a glance at the window of the building which led to Owen's room, and then turned back to him, eyes gleaming with mischief. Gwil stared back for a while, confused, until he realized what the other one was planning in his head. He groaned. "Joe, no."

"Joe and Gwil," The man grinned and patted Gwil's back, "Yes."

.

.

.

It was 1 am at Hertfordshire Asylum. According to their research and observation for days, it was the time between two shifts of the guards outside and inside of the building, and it was the best time to act. The puppet doctor said that the files were kept inside the file case room, so the plan was to sneak in extremely quickly through the Westside entrance to snap pictures of the files into Joe’s phone and then left, leaving the place exactly the same as it was before. No one had to know. 

“How much time do we have?” Joe asked, still pondering over the map of the asylum. 

“About fifteen minutes before all of the later shift guards are in place. We have to be really, really fast.” Gwil said, tracing the entrance with his finger. “Parking the car on the Eastside, follow the guards into the building, getting in, getting out by climbing through the fences and run straight to our car. We’ll avoid the security cameras this way.”

“Great.” Joe looked at the other man with a wide smile. “You are a genius, Gwilym Lee. We’re officially Tom Cruise.”

“I can’t believe I let you drag me into this.” The taller man mumbled and picked up his keys. “Come on, it’s almost time. Let’s go.”

The drive to the asylum was rather quiet except for “Love of my life” playing on the radio. Joe decided to buy four CDs of the most famous Queen hits and gifted to them the moment they got the roles, so everywhere they went, all they heard was Queen. This used to be Gwil’s favorite song, singing along every line until the lyrics reminded him too much of his crush on the still missing Ben, and now it made him feel hollow every time those piano notes filled the air.

“I wonder what Ben’s doing right now.” Joe whispered, eyeing Gwil sorrowly. “I hope that he’s okay.”

“Obviously not.” Gwil replied without taking his eyes off the road. “Tyler’s drug is addictive. If he really ran away from both us and him, he’s struggling with withdrawal right now. If he ran from our place to Tyler’s, it’s even worse. He’s out there all alone with no money, no home, no family.”

“God, why do you have to be so cruel on everything?” Joe huffed as he crossed his arms. “Can you have a little hope in something?”

“He ran away because I pushed him too hard.” Gwil snapped. “I did him wrong, and this is my only chance of making things right for him. We can’t afford hope right now. We have to win for sure.”

“Come on, don’t be such a dick to yourself, seriously, Gwil.” The man’s voice was full of concern as he turned sideways to look at Gwil with worried eyes. “We all pushed him too hard. It was all of us. And you think doing that was wrong, but it’s not. It’s a good thing. The best thing for Ben.”

“You really think that exposing him and making him run away on his own was the best thing?” Gwil couldn’t contain the annoyance in his features, but the other man didn’t seem to mind.

“He has been under Tyler’s control and abuse for decades, Gwil. He was even stabbed to almost death. We found out, and now we are finding ways to help him, to put that bastard into jail and free Ben. What if we didn’t read the letters and see the pictures? Nothing changed. He will still be Tyler’s slave until he dies.” Joe squeezed Gwil’s arm, trying to sooth the man down. “What we’re doing may be dangerous and I know you feel guilty about upsetting Ben, but at least now we have a chance to save him for good. I can guarantee you it’s the best thing that can ever happen to him.”

Gwil hated that he knew Joe was right.

When they came to the parking spot outside of the Asylum, they could see some of the guards fidgeting for the change of shift. Gwi quickly drove the car off the road and parked behind a bush when the patrol guards marched by. They chatted mindlessly about being unable to wait until they could get home and get some sleep. They seemed to be rather careless, which was understandable, since the asylum never had any break in or attack ever since it went into operation. Joe nodded to himself, who would break into a building full of lunatics anyway? Well, except for them.

The blaring horn was their signal. The guards started to rush back into the yard to finish their shift, and the two of them managed to slid in behind them being unnoticed. Gwil's heart was beating loudly in his ears as he tried his best to be invisible, moving from the gate to the side entrance of the building. He was an actor, for God's sake, not a spy or a movie assassin. He cursed himself in his head for agreeing with Joe's crazy idea in the first place, but then when they got in and looked for the file case room, the thought of saving Ben from the torture that Tyler put him in made Gwil moved faster. He could never imagine his life being in the hand of that monster and going through half of the things that Ben suffered. Comparing to that, the stress and fear of breaking into a building seemed to be so insignificant.

They started to follow exactly the route that Gwil set up from the maps in his phone: getting into the basement and search for the file case room.

"Okay, it should be at the end of that hallway." Joe pointed to the hallway on their left. "Come on."

Indeed, when they came to the door, the sign of File Case Room was right in front of them. That was when Gwil panicked - it was locked tight and they had nothing to open it. He turned to the other man, face paled.

"Shit, Joe, what are we gonna--"

"One second." Joe pulled out a bunch of keys and started to try each one of them into the lock. 

"Whoa, where did you find that?" Gwil almost laugh in relief.

"I stole it from one of the guards while we were waiting. We need them, you know." Joe shrugged, and after a few different keys, he finally cracked the door open.

"Okay now we're starting to become Tom Cruise." Gwil mumbled as they stepped inside and turned on the flashlight. "Tell me where you learned that, yeah?"

Joe just snickered as he followed. It was a small room filled with wall-size drawer cabinets and little room for anything else. The cabinets had different tags for the years of operation, and they used the light to find the 2018 drawer. It was a mess, though, and they had to split up to scan the whole room. It seemed like the first one in charge of this room was tidy enough to categorize the files, but then some time after that someone else took over and screw everything up. How could 2006 be in front of 1998? Did they even try?

"There it is." Joe pointed to a drawer, and Gwil came next to him in a blink. 

"Come on, open it." Joe nodded and pulled out the drawer, going through the case files inside, looking for the name that they needed. They must have arranged the files in some ways, but obviously not alphabetically, and it took them a while to find out Owen's files. Joe whispered in victory as he took the file out.

"Here, take pictures of this half, I'll take care of this one." He gave Gwil half of the paper inside, and they started to capture all of them. 

Gwil flipped through the papers and took photos as quickly as possible, not wasting time in reading them. He could spend time mulling over them later when they were officially out of here. But sometimes he caught some information about Owen's former life before he became a patient, and he even saw the lunatic's family. Wife, kids, something they could dig into. 

"Alright, finished." Gwil turned around when Joe was about the wrap up, and they put the files together carefully before placing it in the drawer and heading out.

It was so much smoother than Gwil could imagine - they just got in and out easily, alerting no guards, no alarm, retrieve the information perfectly, and right now they were getting out of there, heading to their waiting car--

"Oh shit, Gwil!" Joe pulled Gwil aside and they realized in horror that where they parked the car, so many guards were gathering around with light pointing at it directly. What was even worse, was the police patrol car parking next to it and an officer talking to them, taking some notes into his small book.

"They have our license plate. We're screwed." Gwil cursed, ruffling his own hair in frustration. "I can't believe it, how did they find the car? None of them noticed it before."

"Just get out of here first." Joe stood up, pulling Gwil's arm. "Where's the spot that you said we can climb the--"

The man slammed into a large figure coming out of nowhere, and Gwil's blood turned into ice in his veins. A police officer.

"Where do you think you're going?" The tall, blond man crossed his arms and Gwil shut his eyes, giving up. 

.

.

.

"I can't believe it, everything was fine and the cops came out of nowhere." Joe whispered frantically next to Gwil, hands cuffed behind his back.

"Sorry, should have parked farther away." Gwil sighed, staring at the police officer's seat. He had never been arrested before, much less for something as serious as trespassing private property. He had no idea what was waiting for him at the station.

Joe shook his head before leaning back and groaned. They were escorted by the officer to a nearby police car without a second of thinking, and there was nothing they could do about it after that. Next to him, Gwil was subtly freaking out for being caught doing the wrong thing for the first time in his life, and Joe had to press down a laugh when he saw the man's face. He couldn't pat Gwil's back to calm him down, so he just sat still and waited. Maybe at this time Lucy and Rami would still be awake and could come to bail them out. Or they could spend the night at the station. He looked out of the window for a while. The car had taken another road out of the asylum yard, which was strange, but they didn't really notice until after some time, and now suddenly Joe realized they were alone. The rest of the patrol cars didn't come with them, they were in the only car in the quiet and empty street, and this route was so unfamiliar. God, was that even a real officer? They could be kidnapped. They could be in the car of Tyler's thugs and they could be killed at this second. 

And then the car stopped abruptly and the officer turned around. Shit.

"What's going on? Why are you stopping?" Joe tried not to let his voice shake. The policeman looked them up and down for a few times before speaking.

"I know where Ben is. He's about to leave the country to run from Tyler. I can lead you to him."

_ What? _


	12. Chapter 12

A knock on the door woke Ben from his delirious state. He opened his eyes and took some time to take in a breath and chase the dizzying feelings out of his head. His entire body was exhausted and felt like jelly, it hurt everywhere and his insides were burning hot like he was having a fever. He hated that feeling so, so much, but he expected it. He had been through it over and over for thirteen years now, and he knew after those times that if he waited for long enough, he would be better again. But before that, he wanted to rest now more than ever, before the next wave of arousal came and made him an animal again. Tyler must be out to run some usual errands, waiting for the drug cocktail in his blood to become activated again.

But right when his eyes closed, the knocking on the door snapped him back to reality again, this time more urgent than the last. He thought he heard some voice calling his name from outside and saying some things intangible. Slowly, Ben realized he wasn't in a specially reserved hotel room, waiting for a man to come and rape him, no. He was alone, in his cheap motel, in danger, but thankfully, out of that monster's reach. His head ached when he tried to remember the things that happened to him in the last months. The voice from the other side of the door was calling to him again, annoying him. God, he already told the motel owner to skip his room service! Ben groaned as he tried to get up and noticed how his wrists were cuffed into the bed. Half an hour ago, his mind was too cloudy to get himself out and he was really glad that he couldn't.

"Go away." He croaked and fell back onto his pillow, panting, sweat dripping on his skin.

"Ben! Ben! Open up, please!" The voice became louder and louder as the knocking went faster, and it was strange, but he thought that was somehow familiar.

"Just leave." He ignored it, trying to keep his voice firm. "Come back--in two hours."

And then suddenly a deafening bang made him almost jump from his bed. The light from the corridor flooded into the room, making him unable to know what was going on. He panicked.

"Wha--who are you? What are you doing?" He sounded so pathetic, God. 

A shadow covered his vision and it took him minutes to realize it was a person. A pair of large and warm hands cupped his cheeks and that person gasped from above him.

"...Gwil?" He creased his eyebrows, and there he was, the same man that had been making Ben's heart a disoriented, regretting mess. Oh God, that's--that's really Gwil! He shuffled from his spot on the bed, trying to explain, but the other man quickly soothed him.

"Hey, hey, shhh, it's okay. I'm here, I'm here. You're safe." 

That's not true, he wanted to reply. He was not okay at all like this. He felt like he could burst into flame, he was handcuffed into the bed by himself, and he was about to become an animal in heat in a few minutes. And somehow Gwil was there to see it all! Gwil was the last person on Earth that he wanted to see him like this. It made Ben just wished he could curl up in the corner and disappear.

"How--how did you find me?" He mumbled, trying to avoid the man's worried gaze and moved away from his arms. 

"Well, it's a long story--"

"Nevermind." Ben sighed, trying to get as far away from Gwil as possible, not wanting the man to look any closer. "Just leave me alone. Please, I can't let you see this."

"See what, Ben?" The man raised a hand to cup his cheek, but he jerked away, vision still too blurry to see anything but Gwil.

"Nothing, please go away." He tried to warn Gwil, but the other man ignored it. Ben couldn't mutter a proper explanation why Gwil should leave as soon as possible. He was exhausted just thinking about it.

"Ben, come on." The pleading was like a million needles into his heart, Gwil's ocean blue eyes were begging him silently. "We've been looking for you everywhere, I can't leave you like this! Your body temperature is too high, we have to take you to the hospital. Why are you cuffed like this? Did Tyler do that?"

Ben shook his head, grabbing Gwil's hands trying to free him. "No, he didn't, I did it to myself. I have to--have to contain myself. You need to get out right now, before I--hurt you."

"What? How can you hurt me like this?" The other one was confused, looking around, and suddenly saw the half empty syringe with the blue liquid inside. Realization dawned on him.

In a blink, he grabbed the syringe and put the lid back on before putting it inside his pocket. Ben's eyes became wide open and he tried to take it back desperately, grabbing Gwil's hands.

"Gwil, you don't know what you're doing! Give--give it back, I need it!"

" _No_ , you don't." Gwil started to take the cuffs off his wrists, ignoring the other man's plea. The sound of Ben's voice was shaking and full of fear. "He used this drug to control you, I can't let that happen. Come on, let's get out of here so we can find someone to help."

Ben did everything he could to stop Gwil, but he was too weak comparing to the man's quick and strong movements, relentless determination burned in his blue eyes. Normally, people would be threatened to see that fire in his eyes, especially Tyler, the one he knew that was the target of all Gwil's rage right now. But Ben wasn't afraid. He was in the opposite, actually. He finally felt safe after days of running and looking over his shoulders every five minutes, and even though his rational mind told him to push Gwil away as far as possible to save the man from all the troubles, his stupid and selfish, love craving heart screamed and shouted for him to grab onto Gwil and never let go. In just a few minutes, he managed to get the cuffs off Ben's wrists and with inhuman strength, lifted the blond man up from the bed, taking him out of the door. 

He gave up on being the rational one, leaning against Gwil's chest and stopped squirming, letting the warmth embrace him. It was so comforting, having Gwil's arms holding him like that. He never realized how much he missed this, ever since Gwil decided to cuddle him to sleep every time he had nightmares back in the hospital.

"See, it's not so bad." The man smiled down at him and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Be good for me and I'll make sure no one can hurt you, trust me."

Ben closed his eyes, nodding slightly, waited for the exhaustion to fall over him. Until heat flared up from his lower part, and his eyes snapped open in panic.

"Wha--" Gwil could only mutter half a word before a pair of lips slammed against his, and in just a blink, Ben was out of his arms and plastered against him instead. 

Gwil tried to stop him, hold him back, but it was like a different person. Gwil could do nothing to reach him. The only thing he wanted to do was kissing the life out of Gwil, pressing him against the wall and rubbing their hips together desperately. It was--Gwil pushed onto Ben's chest, but then the blond man was kissing him again, sucking his lips and moaning softly, and Gwil was breathless. What was going on? His brain tried to process the situation, but the other man was pulling him back to the bed and pushing him down, climbing on top of him while still touching and kissing him senseless. Ben panted heavily, taking his own clothes off, showing his erection and rubbed his plump bottom between Gwil's legs. Before he knew it, he was hard too, pressing against Ben's smooth and hot flesh, hands gripping his hips and grinded up in time with the man's rhythm. It felt good. Gwil kissed him back with all the hunger and want bottled up inside him all these months. Electricity ran down his spine every time the man on top of him moved his hips, kissed Gwil or moaned his name. It was surreal. It was everything Gwil had ever dreamed of in his life: Having his small, unnoticeable, hopeless crush turned into something couldn't be more real.

Ben's hands shook as he broke out from their kiss and picked up the pair of leather handcuffs on the corner of the bed, giving it to Gwil. Suddenly the eyes that had been clouded with lust a minute ago became sparkling with unshed tears, and the blond man hiccupped. "Gwil… Gwil… Tie me up… Stop me before I--do anything to you…"

And that was when Gwil realized Ben was under the effects of the drugs. Ben didn't take any more in when Gwil came, but somehow it was all over him now. The taller man had no idea how they came back - it was like a time clicking bomb, waiting to explode anytime and destroying Ben's consciousness to turn him to an animal. Well, almost destroy, because now Ben was begging him to cuff him up and stop him from doing anything he regretted. It stung a bit when Ben thought Gwil would ever regret making love with him, but then Gwil understood the man's fear. And having involuntary sex under the effects of drugs was not the making love that he wanted to have with Ben. 

"Yeah--" Gwil managed to push Ben off him and grab the cuffs to do what the man asked, dropping it a few times as he was still coming down from his high. The feelings of Ben's skin over his was still tingling all over his body, his face, his lips, and he wanted to keep doing it forever. He really did. But Ben didn't want--couldn't do it. 

"I'm so sorry Gwil I--ahhh--" The blond man moaned and his mind was off again. He tugged against the cuffs, trying to touch and kiss Gwil, but the other man sighed and shushed him.

"Shh, it's okay. Just a few more minutes." He held Ben tightly, rocking him, whispering soothing words to him while keeping him from struggling and groaning with his unsatisfied needs. 

"Please fuck me…" Ben tried to touch Gwil, breaking out of the cuffs, but to no avail. "I want--I _need_ \--"

"Shh." Gwil ignored his own erection and just focused on calming Ben down. Seeing Ben like this should turn him on even more, but the more he looked at the man under him, thrashing and moaning to get fucked but eyes watering with pain and hatred, Gwil felt nothing but ache. He pushed a strand of hair of Ben's face, finding a pack of ice to press against his cheek to help him cool down from the fever. "I'm so _sorry_ Ben- I can't do anything now."

Ben was sobbing under him.

"I can only be here with you til it's over." He whispered, trying to stop himself from crying too. "It'll only be a few more minutes. A few more minutes."

.

.

.

"How do you feel?" Gwil's warm Welsh accent made Ben weak in the knees. The way that the other man helped him get up from his bed, gave him water and ice packs and asked him if he was okay stirred up so many different feelings in him. 

"I'm--I'm fine." He mumbled, not looking up from the steaming cup of tea in his hands. Gwil gave it to him with worried eyes when he woke up, running his hands through Ben's still soaked hair.

"Was that--was that the last one?" The man hesitated, trying not to mention the horrible thing that Ben went through again. The heat wave from the drugs. "Or do you have another one in a few minutes?"

Ben tiredly shook his head. "That's the last one."

"Thank God." Gwil sat down next to him, eyeing the red marks on his wrists nervously. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"I did this to myself, Gwil." Ben curled up further under his blanket. "It's never your fault."

"No, **Tyler** did this to you." The other man put his large, warm hand on Ben's cheek. "He's the most cruel and evil creature in this universe. But we'll make him pay. You'll be safe."

"What are you talking about, Gwil?" Ben narrowed his eyes, and Gwil moved closer.

"We are gathering evidence and witnesses to go up against Tyler in court, Ben. Joe, Lucy, Rami, Brian, Roger, me, everyone. We've found a lot, and we'll make sure that he'll stay in jail forever for everything he did to you. All we need is for you to be there to expose his crimes."

Ben bit his lip. 

"I know I can't make you go back against your will, I'm sorry, the last time I was just so angry I wanted to just take you home, but that's not right. You can go anywhere you want. Anywhere that makes you feel safe. And we'll still get on with the trial with or without your presence, because we want to do you justice. But if you were there, that'll be… That would seal the case, Ben. You're our key, and I just come here to tell you how much we all miss you and want you to go back."

"Go back?" Ben stared at him. "You want me to go back to where everyone knows how disgusting I am and pretend like nothing happens? To get to that trial and tell everyone how I was his untalented actor who slept with the director to get a role? Or someone who couldn't save himself for thirteen years and had to wait for Gwilym Lee to come and rescue him? The world would know, Gwil!"

"I know that." Gwil tried to calm him down. "I'm not forcing you to do anything, Ben. I just want to tell you that we're suing Tyler and put him behind bars. If you show up, we'll win for sure."

"And why would I want to expose myself like that, Gwil? I'm running off right now. I can be free from him in just a few hours. I can have a new life, no one will know who I am, no one will know I'm a stupid child falling for a sick bastard and became his sex slave for thirteen years. Why would I want to come back to attend your trial? Assuming you can file a case against him in the first place. Do you know how powerful he is?"

"I think you should come back and become the one who put Tyler away before he found another poor one to feed his desire. Or he can sell his rape drugs and perverts on the streets can attack innocent people with them. I know you just want to forget it all and never mention it again, but if you speak up now, you'll save more lives than just your own. Come back with me."

The blond man didn't say anything. He just looked into the void, thinking and torn apart. Gwil patiently waited for him, holding his hands and squeezed gently. He never realized how much he missed being close to Ben.

"How did you even get here anyway?" The man spoke, and Gwil smiled.

"Malcolm took me here. He's--he told me he was your first boyfriend ever, since high school. Is that the one you told us about?"

"What, why did you mention him?" Ben's cheeks burned hot with embarrassment.

"He didn't become your boyfriend naturally, Ben." Gwil's voice suddenly turned serious. "He told me Tyler had controlled him before that, and he was ordered to befriend and then go on dates with you, so Tyler could send something to alert your parents and they would react furiously. All he needed was your vulnerable moment and he had you in his hands."

The other man was speechless with shock. Malcolm? Even Malcolm was Tyler's puppet? He had been in a carefully planned scheme for years and years before that?

"Tyler threatened to have someone kill him if he told anyone. But the time he dated you, he liked you for real, and with the way he talked about you, I don't think he ever stopped. He is a police detective now. Tyler had used him as a way to control the police force for just as long as you were--kept, but he broke free when he saw you on the news being attacked. He investigated and found out about what Tyler did to you, and he couldn't stand by and watch. He came to me last night, pretending to be just a normal officer, and told me that he that he finally knew your location. He took me here to see you."

Ben let out a shaky breath, fidgeting with a loose thread on the blanket, eyes sad and afraid.

"He agreed to step forward to denounce Tyler." Gwil said gently. "We found a lot of evidence, but they had you in it, and we need you to give us your permission to file it up. I know it hurts to let yourself be exposed like that - but it's not your fault. And if you don't want to have anything to do with this, I'm not against you. I will let you leave for your flight. You can disappear and never see any of us again. Never see me again. The choice is yours, Ben. And I'll support you for the rest of the way."

When Ben looked up, he could see tears in both of their eyes. 

"I--I just need to be alone. I don't want to go back." He croaked, and Gwil nodded. The man's disappointed eyes made his heart twist.

"Yeah, I understand." The man sighed and leaned forward to place a brief kiss on his cheek. "Please take care of yourself out there."

Sometimes, Ben wondered if he kept Gwil back by holding his hands, he would somehow regret less than this, seeing the man's back disappear, closing the door behind him.


	13. Chapter 13

"Why aren't you taking him with you?" Malcolm showered him with questions when he saw Gwil stepping out of the motel alone. "Isn't he in there? Where is he? What took you so long?"

"He's in there." Gwil held his hands up defensively. "Stop freaking out, I saw him. I didn't mean to take that long, sorry."

"Why isn't he here with us then?" The police detective glanced at a window of the building, where Gwil assumed was Ben's room. "Is he okay?"

"Not very." Gwil sighed. "We can find somewhere to sit down privately and I can tell you everything I saw."

They got into the car and Malcolm drove them around until they found a small, quiet coffee shop at the corner and stopped. The two men got inside and chose a table. All the way, they said nothing to each other, but the tension was high. Gwil could see how much Malcolm worried and cared for Ben even after more than a decade of not seeing each other, and he was both touched and jealous. Of course, he knew Ben was an amazing person that deserved all the love in the world, and the fact that someone fell for him wasn't so hard to believe. Heck, Gwil fell for him harder than anyone else. But then that was also the problem making him awkward around this man. Malcolm admitted to him on the way to Ben's place that he still had feelings for Ben and wanted them to come back together after they put Tyler away. When this is all over, he would tell Ben about his feelings. It made Gwil realized that he wasn't the only person in this world who can have a chance with Ben, and his bubble burst. When he looked at Malcolm, he saw someone who was Ben's first, who Ben never forgot, who went through everything Ben did and understood Ben more than he could ever do. And he had been under Tyler's thumb for years, but then he chose to stand up against that bastard when he saw Ben getting hurt. It made Gwil's attempt at taking care of Ben seemed so insignificant.

"So how is he?" Malcolm finally sat down and asked him, eyes staring at him seriously. "Is he still trying to fly off the country?"

"Yeah, I can't force him to stay." Gwil mumbled. "When I came in, he's injecting himself with the drugs Tyler made for him. He told us it's addictive, so he stole some from Tyler to survive until he can get to somewhere safe and he could get through his withdrawal in peace."

"Oh God." Malcolm rubbed his own forehead. "I never thought of that. I have no idea Tyler did that to him, God, that bastard."

"Here, I got some from Ben." Gwil looked around to make sure they were alone before taking out the syringe he stole from Ben and showing it to the detective. The other man's eyes went wide at the blue liquid. "I think this is it."

Malcolm took the syringe from his hand and examined it, eyes narrowing slightly. "We can take this to run some tests and the results can be used against Tyler."

"Can you help us with that?" Gwil bit his lip, and the other man nodded. "Great, so how long--"

Malcolm shushed him for a minute. The man took out a small eppendorf tube from his pocket, something Gwil had only seen in lab classes in high school, and carefully transferred some of the liquid to the tube before giving it to Gwil and keeping the syringe.

"Lesson number one, trust no one. Always keep a backup with you." The man shook his head. "Jesus, what if I turn out to be on Tyler's side and only do this to steal the sample from you? Don't be naive, you won't stand a chance."

"Right, of course." Gwil nodded awkwardly, feeling smaller than ever. Of course he knew Malcolm was right and he was lucky to know that the man was honest and careful, but the more he talked to this man, the more he felt useless. Malcolm was a police detective who understood Ben and Tyler, while he was just some random actor who happened to have a crush on Ben and decided to jump into the war. If it wasn't Malcolm but some of Tyler's underlings, their plans would be all blown up by now. "Just text me when you have the results."

"So what exactly happened in there?" The detective looked at Gwil longingly, the concern visible in his eyes.

"He didn't even let me get into his room when I knocked. I tried to persuade him, but he seemed exhausted and freaked out, so I broke in. Turned out he was under the drugs. They take away his conscious and… I don't know, it's hard to describe it without making it upsetting. He lost all of his logical thoughts and all he wanted was sex with the nearest person in the room." Gwil avoided the other man's eyes, not wanting to give away the fact that he almost had sex with Ben without knowing what was going on. Shame and guilt burned in his cheeks. "I had to stay to help him until it subside. After that, he looked even worse."

"I can't believe… That thing is destroying him! That son of a bitch." Malcolm growled, and Gwil sighed. "Why didn't you bring him back? He needs proper care! He can't be left alone."

"I already told you, I can't force him to stay." Gwil almost snapped. "He feels bad about everyone knowing what happened between him and Tyler. He wants to leave to start a new life. If I make him stay, it'll only make it worse."

"We really need him if we want to bring Tyler to trial." Malcolm rubbed his forehead. "If we had all the evidence about him being abused but he disappeared, the judge will be skeptical. Tyler's lawyers can find a way to turn it against us, maybe even accuse us of making things up. And the press will be there. The news about Ben will spread, and if Ben still doesn't want to let us file everything up in the first place, it can hurt him. I don't want that."

Gwil honestly had no idea what to do. They had been doing all of this, planning all of this, but it can all be useless without Ben here. And there was Malcolm, being the perfect lover who cared about Ben's feelings so freaking much. Gwil knew he shouldn't let his stupid jealousy and insecurities got the better of him, especially when their rescue Ben operation was slowly getting into a dead end, but his feelings were a mess and he couldn't seem to find the rational, logical one inside of it.

After staying up all night and going through all sorts of tensed situations, he felt like he could be just exhausted as Ben was. Gwil had always been a goodie two shoes, the perfect student and perfect son who never broke a single rule in his life. He couldn't believe that one day he could be such a daredevil as to break into an asylum in the middle of the night to steal a case file. And then being caught by a policeman, who turned out to be his crush's ex boyfriend and then followed the man to where Ben was staying, leaving Joe home to flip through the files. The adrenaline when they broke into the building and the worry when he saw Ben had kept him wide awake those hours, but now, his body felt like mush and the hopelessness about Ben's case was the last straw.

"Hey, you know what, let's just get some rest." The other man suddenly reached out to pat on his shoulder. "You must be exhausted after traveling all night. Ben's flight is tonight, we can afford some hours to sleep before deciding to do anything. You can sleep in the car."

_Why are you even nice to me?_ Gwil thought bitterly. _I can't hate you if you're nice to me! Don't be nice!_

"Thanks." He just muttered and stood up, following the other man into the police car. The moment he opened the door, he fell face first onto the back seat's leather surface and closed his eyes, ignoring Malcolm's chuckle at the front.

He had no idea how long he had slept until suddenly his phone rang. Gwil cursed under his breath as he fished out the phone and looked at the screen. Joe Mozzarella, with the grinning face of Joe on top of it. Great.

"Hey. What's up?" He mumbled into the phone, and Joe's serious voice filled his ears.

"Gwil, I think I found out what Tyler got on that Owen guy. His supposedly dead wife and kids are staying in one of Tyler's safe houses."

Rami took the phone from Joe's hand. "It's Rami here. I got the address of the one they're staying at the moment, but they're changing locations every two weeks and we need to act fast. According to the trails left, they are going to move tomorrow."

Gwil and Malcolm stared at each other for a full minute, heart sped up as they could both see each other hovering between the obvious two options.

"We're on our way!" Malcolm suddenly yelled from the front seat, startling Gwil.

"What? I thought we're waiting to talk to Ben again about coming back with us?" Gwil blinked at Malcolm, and Joe screamed from the phone.

"You _HAVEN'T_ GOT BEN THERE WITH YOU? YOU _TEXTED_ ME YOU _FOUND_ HIM!" Gwil groaned.

"We found him, but he didn't want to come back! He wants to start a new life in God knows--"

"Singapore!" Malcolm answered, starting to turn the car around. "I turned the world upside down to find Owen's link to Tyler and I couldn't track anything down. This is our only chance at using Owen against Tyler, I'm not giving it up."

"You're giving up on Ben." Gwil's voice quivered, and the other man shook his head.

"He's fine on his own, Lee. He has everything he need to build a new life in Singapore, and, of course I want him to stay more than anything," Malcolm breathed in sharply, closed his eyes. "But it's safer for him there. From Tyler, the press, his past, everything. I still love him a lot, but I guess if I really do then I have to let him go."

Everything was silent, even Joe and Rami on the other side of the phone. Joe had probably told Rami and everyone about Malcolm and his history with Ben and Tyler, but the truth about him having feelings for Ben after all these years were something only Gwil had known so far. And Gwil _hated_ every single word coming from the man's mouth. They were all so considerate. They were sweet and touching and selfless. They were everything Gwil ever wished that he could show Ben one day.

He stared at Malcolm, swallowing down the lump in his throat. Then he burst the door open and ran to Ben's motel, ignoring Malcolm's call.

.

.

.

Ben put the last stack of clothes inside his suitcase and closed it with a sigh. He stood up and paced around, looking at every corner to make sure he didn't leave anything behind. No, he rarely forget things whenever he went on a trip, not even the smallest tube of hand cream that he got for himself with his own money earned from a movie. It was only enough for that, but at least he had something for himself.

Ben never left anything behind when he went on a trip, ever. Not even a tiny tube of hand cream. But now he was leaving a giant, 6 feet 2 Welsh man behind when he packed to get to another continent, and his chest ache every time he thought about it. It wasn't only Gwil, it was also Joe, Rami, Lucy, Brian, Roger and probably even Malcolm, someone he never expected to see again, but Gwil was the one who made him think about his decision the most. He didn't want to stay at all, no, but when he remembered the man's blue eyes begging him to stay so the man could seek justice for him, he couldn't ignore the burn inside. Gwil wanted nothing more than to help him, and not just him, others, too. He was willing to deal with Ben under Tyler's drugs, he wasn't disgusted or hate him. He stayed and took care of Ben when he went through all of that. No one had ever… No one had ever done so much for him. 

And he had never had so much feelings for someone. Gwil didn't know that he owned Ben's heart the moment they met with how much of a ray of sunshine he was. He didn't mind how Ben curled up and shied away from every new friend - he slowly drew the blond in and made him open up. Before Ben knew it, he was already way too deep. 

"Fuck." The blond man huffed as he fell onto the bed, groaning.

The thought of knowing Malcolm was on their side was surprising and flattering, but he soon forgot about it. His mind was too busy thinking about how he pushed Gwil away and decided to run. About how much he wanted to hold Gwil's hand and say yes, he would stay and face any horrible thing Tyler threw at them, as long as they had each other. But that sounded too cheesy to be true, even for Ben's standard. He sometimes felt like Gwil had feelings for him too, the way he crossed cities to come and see Ben and how he tried to take him home. But then Ben was some weird, broken and troublesome piece of trash, and no one wanted that. No one.

"Mr Bryce?" Someone knocked on the door. "We're here for our checking out room service. To make sure everything's fine before you leave."

"Yeah, sure." He walked over to open the door and picked up his suitcase. He shouldn't be procrastinating any longer. He had been hovering and wondering for hours, and he should have been at the airport two hours ago. His chance of leaving was getting slimmer. He had to leave. That was his choice in the first place, and he had no right to regret anything anymore.

Ben walked down the stairs and stopped at the reception desk to pay for his staying. After that, he walked out of the door and hailed a cab. Only after a minute, a yellow taxi stopped in front of him and he got inside with his suitcase.

"The airport, please." He told the driver, and the man nodded. The car started to get on its way when some noise got their attention. It got louder and louder, and Ben realized from the side mirror that someone was running at them, yelling. It was Gwil.

The man slammed himself onto the glass, calling Ben's name, breathing as if he had just run a marathon.

"Wait for me a second." He signaled the driver and opened the door, getting out to look at Gwil. He wanted to jump into the man's lap and hugged him so tightly, but he managed to keep a calmed face and asked. "What are you doing here, Gwil? I already told you I--"

"I love you." Gwil burst out, and both of them stared at each other in shock.

Ben flushed furiously as he stammered. "Wha--what--"

"I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner. But now that I know what I have to do, I'm gonna say it again. I love you, Ben Hardy. I _really, honestly, very much do_." The man's eyes were watering, and he took Ben's hand. "And they said that if you love someone, let them go, but I--I'm not letting you go this time. Come back. We're waiting for you."

Ben blinked up at him in shock, eyes wide and the greenest, most innocent he had ever seen. And then their lips touched, they were kissing, they were holding each other tightly in their arms, and Gwil thought his effort of trying to bring Ben back might have worked this time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is SO sappy but I think it's pretty nice  
> Thank you Nellie, I hope this one's good for you, it's not exactly the airport but other things were just as you wished


	14. Chapter 14

Ben had no idea why, but Gwil tasted like chocolate and he loved it. Or maybe it was just the taste of Gwil, but he still loved it nonetheless. It had been so long since he was in the arms of someone he had so much affection for, and it felt like his heart couldn't stop fluttering. He could melt into Gwil's chest right now, being engulfed in that warmth forever and that would be heaven for him. But then Gwil pulled him out of that heaven by taking a step back, only to cup his cheeks and kiss him again and again.

"So we're a thing now, right?" Ben's question was muffled in their kisses, and Gwil could only laugh.

"Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!"

For an instance, there was only the two of them in this world. Nothing else mattered, no one else mattered, and Ben's mind was completely erased. He just floated inside his safe, warm and beautiful bubble of love and stayed there for quite a while.

Gwil wanted him. Gwil had feelings for him. Gwil crossed miles and miles to find him and he wasn't at all disgusted when he saw what he turned into under the drugs. His whole life, he had been afraid and ashamed of himself, but now, he exposed in front of Gwil and he wasn't scared for a second. The memories of their rocky path before this moment faded into the background as the man whispered how much he wanted Ben, and how he would never let Ben go. Ben never wanted to leave Gwil, either.

"Come back with me, please?" The taller man looked into his eyes as their foreheads touched, and Ben shyly looked away as he nodded, cheeks heating up furiously. Gwil chuckled as Ben blushed like a schoolgirl, grabbing his face for another kiss. 

When they split, Ben turned around to pick up the suitcase that the taxi driver left for him on the ground (with a roll of his eyes before speeding away) and reached out to grab Gwil's hand tightly with a smile on his face. "Come on, where's your car?"

"Oh, it's…" Gwil bit his lip, trying to find the right words. "I didn't come here alone. I told you yesterday, Malcolm took me here."

"Oh. Yeah. Malcolm." The awkwardness now spreaded to Ben as well when he was suddenly reminded about his ex boyfriend from ages ago. He still remembered Malcolm's face - it's hard to forget your first, but he had no idea how he changed after thirteen years. And how he should act around that man when the time comes. Sometimes he wondered if he and Malcolm could go further if it wasn't for his parents and Tyler. "Where--where is he?"

"He and I were waiting for you in a cafe for a few hours before we received a call from Joe and we had to go back immediately." Gwil scratched the back of his neck. "He was about to drive us back but I couldn't help it and I ran here to talk to you one more time."

"So Malcolm is either waiting cluelessly at the cafe, or already on his way home now?" Ben wanted to be angry, but Gwil was so adorable when he was nervous. He honest to God giggled at Gwil.

"I… Well I guess he wouldn't be that heartless you know… To leave us here…" The man sighed and took his hand, started walking towards the corner of the street. "Come on, let's get to him."

Ben took a deep breath and followed Gwil, feeling more confident than ever. He shouldn't be worried about how to act in front of his ex boyfriend, not when he had his current boyfriend here. The past is the past. Malcolm used to be his high school sweetheart, when he was naive and young and all sunshine and energy, a complete opposite of him at the moment. The present Ben, who was closed off, fragile and sometimes too insecure, was in Gwil's embrace now, and he couldn't be happier right where he was.

"Hey, Malcolm." Gwil called when they saw a man pacing around next to a police car, and the man looked up. Malcolm. "Sorry for running off, man. I should have said something. But I came to Ben's and I brought him back."

"It's been so long." Ben smiled at the man, and for a second, he was worried that he might be angry at him, until Malcolm suddenly surged at him and he was suffocated in the biggest hug ever. All of his worries about how to make things less awkward between them disappeared.

Gwil laughed next to him and joined into their hug. Ben could feel Malcolm stiffen a little when Gwil wrapped his arms on both of them, but he didn't pay attention.

"Oh, look at you, detective now, huh?" Ben grinned at Malcolm's badge, patting his shoulders when they finally stopped hugging. All the sweet memories of their friendship, something that blossomed even before their relationship, came back in his mind. They had always been the bestie kind of couple. "I want you to tell me everything."

"It's not that good of a story, you know. Just, my life." Malcolm smiled jokingly. It was like yesterday when they were still hanging out and teasing around. "I kinda miss you sometimes."

"Oh, nice. Because I didn't miss you at all." Ben rolled his eyes, and both of them laughed. A lot of things stayed the same between them, the easy way they chatted, the natural way they shared their feelings just through a gaze. The only thing that was different was the absence of the head over heels crush they had for each other in the past, and weirdly enough, his heart felt lighter. It had been so long, and Ben had been through so much. The memories of a childish love couldn't compare to sleepless painful nights in the hospital and struggling walking exercises after the attack that Gwil slowly and gently guided him through, again and again.

"Hey." Ben placed his hand on Malcolm's shoulder. "Thank you for being here with us. It's been a while since I have a friend I can trust."

"A common enemy bonds people like no other." The man just chuckled and reached out for another tight hug before opening the car door. "Fine. Just get in and we'll talk more on the way back to Hertfordshire. I'm sick of staying here."

"Oh, actually," Gwil gestured at the backseat. "I think we're sitting at the back."

"What, are we about to make out or something?" Ben laughed and stood on his tiptoe to kiss Gwil. 

"Of course not, I'm just gonna hold your hand very sweetly the whole way. That's all." Gwil whispered, and Ben chuckled. 

"Oh," Malcolm raised his eyebrows. "So you two are really… A thing now?"

"Yeah, I guess." Ben smiled. "It's not hurting your thirteen years of ex boyfriend, isn't it?"

The detective just laughed. "You wish."

And they got into the police car, chatting happily on their way back, hands intertwining the entire way. Ben couldn't find a way to stop himself from smiling like an idiot every time their eyes met. A few hours ago, if someone told him he would end the day being safe and happy in this man's arms, he would laugh at them bitterly. Now, he was just too blissful to care.

.

.

.

The reunion was full of Joe's wailing and tears and clinging onto Ben's leg for hours on end. It was so annoying, but Ben had never missed anything so much. He returned everyone's hugs, he grinned at Rami and brushed Lucy's tears away. And when Brian and Roger hugged him, he guessed that was how it felt when people hugged their parents. Brian stroke his hair and patted his cheeks and kept complaining about how thin he was, and Roger just swatted his hands away with a teary smile. 

"Do you remember the last thing you told me before you left, Ben?" Roger's voice lowered. His blue eyes were more emotional than any moment they had ever seen before. "I looked it up. I checked the auditioning process, and I saw nothing wrong with it. Tyler didn't even care enough to mess with it, and no other candidates were eliminated before I had the chance to see their performance."

Ben's eyes widened at his words. His heart sped up in disbelief. What Roger said… It meant…

"It means you truly deserve this role, kiddo." The man laughed gently as he brushed a strand of blond hair off Ben's forehead. "You are the best mini me out of the entire world. I was right to pick you among all of them."

Joe screamed in happiness and jumped in to hug him again, and Ben had to try hard not to do the same. His body trembled as he let out a breathless laugh. He… He was worthy of this. He was really--he couldn't believe it. Everything was real. His effort, the risks he took, the nights he spent practicing the drums and watching Roger's videos over and over, they all paid off. Tyler had nothing to do with this, and everything he achieved, he achieved them himself. He didn't whore himself out for this role. He truly earned it with his ability and hard work.

"I know you're always good enough." Rami smiled at him. "And when this is all over, we can get back to our film and you'd be an amazing Roger Taylor. I'm sure of that."

"You must be exhausted. Just take some time to sit down and rest for a bit." Lucy led them to the small sofa in the hotel room and they all sat down. The sight of having so many people by his side, looking at him with trust and care made it difficult for Ben not to smile all the time. He felt so content, being here with his new family, the people who were willing to hold his hands and protect him until the end.

"So, you and Gwil, huh. Quite a catch." Lucy chuckled as she pinched his arm. The rest of them started to shower him with questions, making him laugh, cheeks burning red. 

"How long have you two been official?"

"How did Gwil ask you out?"

"Was it romantic? Did he say I was the first one finding out his crush on you?"

"Yeah, but I'm the one telling him to go ahead and tell you!"

"God, why can't you guys confess your love and become a couple where we can see you? Now we have to imagine all the juicy details!"

"Wait, did you two fuck?"

"Rami!"

Ben buried his face in his hands as he couldn't keep himself from grinning, pretended to be upset.

"Oh great, you made him sad!"

"Hey, I'm not the one asking him about his private sexual life. Come on Ben, we're sorry! I didn't mean to pry."

"You better."

Ben finally peaked out from the gap between his fingers, green eyes sparkling with tears from laughing too hard. "If you guys can stop to let me tell you the story, you'd know what happened."

And that was what he did. He gave them everything that he had in mind about Gwil ever since they were casted, how he was almost intimidated by Gwil's height, but soon won over by the man's friendly smile and lovely gestures. Ben never poured his heart out loud like that before, and he didn't expect it to be so amazing. He got to go through every step of the way that he was with Gwil, he laughed at his old self for falling for Gwil for so long without noticing it, and how his walls crumbled when the man spent all of his time to take care of him in the hospital. He omitted the details where Gwil found him in a delirious state under the drugs, even when it was the moment that made him want to cry the most thinking about Gwil. He still couldn't believe how Gwil could see all of that without hating him in the end. 

"Wait, where's Gwil? And Malcolm too?" Rami suddenly asked, and Brian answered.

"The two of them are outside having a smoke. Ben's lungs are still healing, he shouldn't be near cigarettes." Brian glanced at Roger. "And I'm talking about you, Roger."

"What? I cut down my smoking for a week now." The two of them started bantering back and forth, just like they usually did ever since the first day they met the cast. 

Ben smiled at them, but his mind wandered somewhere else. It was strange hearing that Gwil had a habit of smoking, or even smoked at all. Malcolm, he wasn't sure, but he had never seen Gwil picked up a cigarette before. The man always found an excuse to get out of the place whenever Ben smoked, and the he even thought Gwil hated him at first. But those were the first days of being a part of this amazing cast. Now, Ben learned how much Gwil didn't want to get near cigarette smoke, and he cut it down to the minimum. It was difficult at first, especially when they were in a 70s film where cigarettes should be everywhere and Ben needed nicotine to stop himself from freaking out whenever he saw Roger Taylor, but later on, Ben finally managed to smoke very little. Until Danny Owen appeared with a knife and popped his lungs like a pair of balloons.

"When are you leaving for Owen's family?" He suddenly asked, and the room went quiet. His questions brought them back to the eery reality, where the danger was still dangling on top of his head and nothing's over.

"This afternoon." Joe sighed, looking at Ben. "But there's no need to worry about it. Rami and I will cover that, maybe Malcolm will come with, since he's the only one here who is trained in investigating, but that's all. You two lovebirds can stay here and spend some time to bond. We're having a long way ahead."

Ben nodded and sat back, but he couldn't get his mind off Gwil. Leaving for a smoke didn't sound right at all.

"I'm going to check on him." Ben stood up from his seat and glared at Joe trying to follow him. "Leave the couple alone. Don't try to spy on romance."

The rest of them burst into laughter as Joe slumped back and he walked outside, starting to find Gwil. It took him only a few minutes to locate the sound of the man's voice chatting in the balcony. Malcolm was with him as well.

"I can't believe it. You didn't think about anyone but yourself, did you?" Ben stopped on his track when he heard the anger in Malcolm's voice. Were they--fighting?

"I'm sorry, Malcolm, I--" And there was Gwil. "I was too caught up in my feelings for him and I--"

"I told you, Lee! I told no one else but you. Not even Tyler, who has my neck in his leash and knew everything about me. I told you how much I cared about him, and you acted like you didn't care!"

"I did care! I love him, too! Believe me, I have no intention of stealing him from you or anything! He's not yours in the first place!"

"He had been mine since we were eighteen, Lee. I never stopped being his, and he never stopped being mine. I've loved him my whole life and I trusted you enough to tell you that."

"Look, I appreciate your trust, and I want you to trust me, I want us to be friends - but I care about him. I really do. I didn't suddenly become interested in him after you told me you were--"

"I was going to start things again between us! And I even wanted to wait until he's safe from Tyler. Until both of us are safe from Tyler. We were broken because of him. And the moment after I told you that, you jumped out of my car, running to him and kissed him and made him your boyfriend."

"I _know_ , I'm sorry it happened to you! But--"

"I risked my life for him and now he choose someone he barely knows." Malcolm let out a sarcastic huff. The obvious pain and anger in his voice made Ben's heart fell. 

When he finally had the courage to look at where Gwil and Malcolm had been standing, there was no one else left.


	15. Chapter 15

Gwil didn't remember the last time he could laze around on a sofa with someone in his arms like this. After weeks and weeks of being in stress and worrying about Ben and Tyler and everything in between, it was the first time that he could let himself relax for a bit. It was supposed to be Roger's hotel room while he was staying here with the cast, but he left it for the two of them to get some rest. Joe, Rami and Malcolm had left for the safe house where Owen's wife and kids were staying, and they finally had the luxury of spending time together. Soft and relaxing time, with no heartbreaking scene or raping drugs. To be honest, it felt like heaven.

Ben suddenly moved up from his lap to place a kiss on his jaw, and Gwil smiled, turning his head to meet his lips. Their relationship was completely different from what he imagined about future boyfriends when he was younger. He expected a normal, but romantic story, about him meeting a kind hearted and lovely boy in a coffee shop, or at university, or in the grocery store, and they hang out, they went on dates and eventually became a couple. Like any other couples around him. Instead, he got himself into a mysterious man with a dark past that was haunting him until this day, and Gwil somehow became the knight in shining armor to come and rescue the one he loved. Well, he wasn't the only knight in shining armor, but it was still far different from what he used to have in mind.

The only thing that was not different, was the kind hearted and lovely man that made him head over heels in love. He hadn't been sure about his feelings at first, but now that he said it out loud, he knew how much he loved Ben and cared for the man. Ben didn't do anything wrong. He didn't deserve to be used and abused and locked with some invisible chains. Gwil and the others would do everything to help him get away from that Tyler monster. They would succeed and Ben would be free, he knew it.

"Why aren't you asleep?" Ben whispered as he kissed him deeper. "You've been sleepless for days."

"Yeah, yeah, I know." Gwil mumbled into the kiss, hands squeezing lightly onto the blond man's hips. "I just… I want to savour the moment for a bit."

Ben leaned onto his chest and smiled up at him, eyes sparkling with affection. Gwil never knew how to read minds, but at that moment, he knew Ben felt the same. 

"I want to be like this forever." The blond man brushed a knuckle on his stubbled cheek. "Just the two of us. Nothing else."

If there was a way for him to erase all of the horrible past that Ben had to go through, he would do it in a heartbeat. If he could wrap this man in bubble wrap to protect him from the world, he definitely would. But then he knew he couldn't, and all he could do was holding and kissing and keep him safe in any way possible from now on.

Their kisses now stopped being explosive or chilling like their first. Ben no longer felt like electricity ran down his spine every time their lips touched. Instead, he felt calmed and peaceful. The way they fondled each other's tongue and lips with their own was slow, gentle and so careful, as if only a wrong move and the other one would run away. Sometimes, Gwil would hold him tighter in his arms, bury his nose and stubbled cheeks into Ben's hair or neck and just breathed in the man's scent. There was no way to describe it - it was unlike any kind of scent in nature, or from perfume, it was sweet and just purely Ben, making his head spin. Ben just laughed at how it tickled, but leaned back to give him more access. 

Gwil's hand was about to lift up Ben's shirt before it halted. Blue eyes looked up in green. "Is it okay? Do you want to…?"

"Promise you won't be disgusted at how ugly I am?" Ben had never looked so vulnerable. Gwil just shook his head and pulled the shirt off.

He didn't even spare a glance before continuing their kiss and spreaded his hands on Ben's torso, caressing gently. He could feel small bumps and scars left from the assault, like long snakes spreading on Ben's chest, with stitches everywhere. And there was other, smaller wounds that used to be so invisible under the limelight. All of them the product of Tyler's cruelty. Ben's green eyes started to be full of hot tears as Gwil traced his hands from one scar to another, and seemed like it never ended. 

"I look at them all the time." He lowered his gaze to hide the water in his eyes. "I don't even know why Tyler still wants me looking like this. I had to use tons of makeup to hide them every time I had some modelling job, but I don't think I can keep up with that anymore."

Gwil sighed and squeezed his hip gently. "You won't believe me when I say this, but I think you're the hottest, sexiest and cutest man on Earth, and I don't know how you can manage that. You'd heal from these for sure - but even right now, when you're still not fully well yet - I'm possessed. I mean, look at these biceps."

Ben laughed. Gwil took it as a sign to oogle at the muscles some more, panting dramatically. "I want to sunk my teeth into them. Like, whoa."

Ben chuckled as he sat back, looking like the God of sexual desire himself. "You're right, I don't believe you."

"Let me show you then?" Gwil's hand ghosted over his clothed thighs, a suggestive smirk on his face.

Ben just rolled his eyes and dipped down to kiss him. His hands started to pull at Gwil's clothes, trying to take them off. Kisses became hotter and more desperate as they tore each other's clothes off, touching and worshipping the body in front of them with all the desire and want in the world. Gwil was almost surprised at how eager Ben was: he wrapped his legs around Gwil's hips, held onto his shoulders and devoured his lips as he rubbed onto Gwil and panting heavily. The sounds and the sight of the sexiest man on Earth right in front of Gwil made him hard in no time, so fast he was almost afraid he would get to the end too soon. He moved his hands down Ben's back, over his lower back, onto his arse, gave him some squeeze, and even down to his thick thighs. God. He could let those thighs choke him to death and he would thank Ben again and again.

"Seriously?" The blond man above him was laughing into their heated make out. "You want me to choke you with my thighs?"

Oh great, he said that out loud.

"Yes, you did." Ben moaned quietly, enjoying himself. Gwil growled as he grabbed the blond's shoulders and flipped them over, pinning him to the couch. Ben's arousal was presented proudly as both of them were naked saved for their boxers, pressed against Gwil's formidable size.

"Oh, look at this, babe." He chuckled as he snaked a hand inside Ben's boxers and touched the silky, sensitive skin. "That excited for me?"

Ben was completely frozen. He stared up at Gwil, eyes wide open, and heart stopped in his chest. He forgot to even breathe. Suddenly all the memories of the nights spent in Tyler's hotel room flooded in his head. Those smug, flirtatious and disgustingly dirty words had been the only thing he could hear beside his scream for help. He tried to move his hand, but his wrists were held tightly. The feelings of being weak and hopeless tightened his throat, making him a living statue of shock. 

"...Ben? Is something wrong?" Gwil's hand immediately left his, and the man quickly got off the couch. He eyed Ben with concern. "Did I hurt you?"

"Wait, no, no," Ben sat up, tried to kiss Gwil again, his eyes frantic as he held onto Gwil tightly, as if he was scared that Gwil would disappear. "There's nothing wrong. Get back."

"Stop, Ben. Stop." Gwil gently but firmly pushed Ben away. The man still tried to kiss him again. "You're--you're not even breathing. I can't-- What's wrong?"

Ben's stupid eyes started watering again, and he quickly brushed it away. God, he hated himself sometimes. "I--I don't want you to--"

"Hey, hey, it's okay." Gwil held him, carefully stroke his hair and tried to calm him down. "I must have said something wrong. Was that something...Tyler said before? Did I remind you of the time with him?"

Ben didn't think he could say yes without bursting into sobs, so he just nodded and curled up in Gwil's arms, tried to hide his tears. He breathed heavily as fat, hot blobs of tears rolled on his cheeks, wetting the other man's neck and chest. But Gwil didn't seem to mind.

"Shh." Gwil was kneeling on the floor next to the couch right now, but he ignored the cold and aching knee. "I'm sorry, I should be more careful. I'm sorry."

"No, I shouldn't--" Ben still had to use his voice, and he eventually broke into sobs, couldn't help himself. "I don't know what's wrong with me. I keep having nightmares and flashbacks about Tyler, and now I can't even have sex like a normal person. I get triggered over tiny words like the bloody Winter Soldier-- You did everything for me and--"

"Hey. Come on." Gwil sighed. "Tyler has been abusing you for years. It's understandable if what he said when he did those horrible things to you reminded you of the time with him. PTSD isn't nothing. That's what I'm here for. I promised to help you through that, and I will. And I love you for your personality, believe it or not. Your look or the sex is just a bonus."

Ben just let out a whimper and curled closer to Gwil, still trembling with tears. It hurt him to see Ben in so much pain.

"How do I stop--" He angrily clawed at the surface of the sofa. "This is stupid--"

"Hey, relax. It's not stupid. You can cry over everything at anytime you want. It doesn't mean that you're weak or anything." Gwi kissed his temple. "And I still love you nonetheless."

"Thank you." Ben whispered.

"We still have a long, long way ahead. There might be even worse things we have to face. But as long as we're together, we can survive everything. Alright?"

Ben nodded. He tucked himself under Gwil's chin and sighed. "He said I barely know you, but I think I know how much you care about me. I regret nothing choosing you."

When Gwil looked down at Ben to ask what that meant, the blond man already drifted off to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

"I don't suppose that you're always this grumpy and serious?" Joe finally decided to say something to break the thick tension inside the car, eyeing the detective wearily. The man was holding the wheel with so much force his knuckles turned white.

Malcolm just grunted and sped up on the road. They were almost ten miles from the safe house, but with this speed, they would arrive in only five more minutes. Malcolm looked like he could run anyone over if they even dared to get in his way. Without the police car, he seemed to want that so much more than ever.

They had been out of the hotel for a while, but none of them said anything for more than two sentences. Joe tried to talk to Malcolm, getting to know him, but the man just responded with one or two words and glared back at the road. It scared him and Rami a little bit. Sure, they had never known each other, and they only talked for a few times through the phone, but Malcolm didn't seem to be so furious before. Something might have set him off on the way back to Hertfordshire and they hadn't found out what it was. Their situation was still too urgent to actually stopped and had a chat together. Owen's wife and kids could be their last lead to seal this case and finally free Ben from all the shackles, and Malcolm too. They could be leaving anytime now.

"We should have left sooner." Malcolm grumbled as he hit the gas pedal again, making Joe's heart jump out of his chest as he grabbed the handle like a lifeline.

"Yeah but we think you could use some rest." Joe explained. "If you're too exhausted, our visit may not get what we need. I mean, you're the only one with some real detective skills here, we can't leave everything to me and Rami. We're just actors!"

"Yeah, yeah." Malcolm brushed him off, muttering under his breath. "Why do actors have to talk this much?"

"What? What does that suppose to mean?" Joe snapped, his fear of being crushed in a car accident disappeared. He just stared at Malcolm in disbelief. 

"Nothing. Just shut up and let me drive." Malcolm rolled his eyes, but Joe was pissed. He had had enough.

"You're being a jerk with us for no reason!" He crossed his arms and glared at Malcolm, ignoring Rami's helpless sighs in the back seat. "We both want to help you and Ben from Tyler, what are you being so angry for? You should be mad at that monster, not us! What's your problem, Chase?"

How Joe found out Malcolm's last name to yell, Rami didn't know. His eyes darted between them, worrying about the still steady, terrifying speed.

"I'm not being a jerk! You're just imagining things!" Malcolm snapped back, and Joe let out a sarcastic laugh.

"Oh, right, yeah." Joe slapped his own forehead. "I'm sure Ben had a thing for grumpy dickheads when he was in high school. What a weird fetish, I mean, is he a masochist or something?"

"Don't bring him into this." Malcolm growled, and the car took an unexpected turn. Joe threw his phone with Google map to the side. He went on full rage mode, and Rami covered his ears, prepared for a storm. He had seen something similar to this when they were in The Pacific together years ago, and he knew it wouldn't end up well. For Malcolm.

"Then what is this all about, Chase? Actors talking too much? You're the ex boyfriend of one! Heck, you might still love him, for God's sake!" 

Suddenly it all went quiet, like they were in the eye of the storm. No more rain and thunder. Malcolm just stared at Joe wide eyed.

"What--how do you know?"

"How would I know? Know what?" Joe's eyebrows shot up so high they disappeared in his hairline. "Oh, oh God. Oh. God. You're really--"

"You still have feelings for Ben." Rami gasped, and Malcolm looked away.

"That's why you've been angry? You are upset because Gwil and Ben are together now?" Joe groaned, and the detective hummed grumpily.

Alright, alright. That changed everything. Gwil and Ben… Oh, Gwil and Ben. They were probably at the hotel right now, cuddling and kissing and possibly having their first sex. They were just a new couple, with so many interesting things to try out and discover around each other. They had been through a journey unlike any other couples, with rocky path and obstacles, but all of that made them bonded and more in sync than with anyone around. He would do anything to have someone who looked at him at the way Ben looked at Gwil with pure, blatant fascination, and how Gwil would immediately return his gaze, with his hopelessly crazy in love blue eyes. It was obvious even before they started dating, no, it was when they were a few days into the production of the movies, when they still hadn't known each other much, still fumbling with their instruments. Everyone, literally, everyone but the two of them, knew they had feelings for each other. They were just too skeptical about themselves that they didn't dare to speak up. But now… Now Gwil had a fire in his eyes whenever he saw Ben. Desire, want, protection. Maybe along the way, he decided to stop being a silent admirer and speak his mind. Grab the opportunity. Seize it with both hands, and seemed to be willing to fight to keep Ben by his side. 

"I told Lee about it." Malcolm suddenly muttered, and he stopped being angry. Right now, all Joe saw was vulnerability and hurt in his eyes. "I told him I still love Ben when we were on our way to find Ben and stop him from flying off the country."

They weren't a couple at that time, no. Ben told them Gwil confessed his feelings for Ben when he ran after him before he could reach the airport and stopped him with a kiss. That was how they became a couple. When Malcolm told Gwil, nothing had happened yet.

"I even said I wanted to ask Ben out and start everything all over again with him. We broke up because of Tyler. I don't want him to continue being the one that ruined both of our lives, I want to mend the most important thing to me." Malcolm grumbled, and it terrified Joe how his eyes watered. He had always seemed so rough. "I thought Lee was my friend. I thought he would support me to be with Ben. And then the next second he jumped out of the car and made Ben his boyfriend, right in front of my eyes. Without a second thought."

The pain in his voice was so piercing both Joe and Rami had to stop to process it for a while. They knew nothing about this man, aside from the fact that he was a police detective, and he was also a victim of Tyler's sadistic torture. That was what they knew. But they didn't really understand what it meant. Sure, Malcolm wasn't forced to become a sex toy for Tyler to use, but his mind was just as painful as Ben's. Living in fear, every action was controlled by that maniac, and seeing the one he cared about being with someone else. For the people whose lives were destroyed because of Tyler, it was not surprising that they had no other people to love after their first. Ben was lucky enough to meet them, and being in the receiving end of the endless, unconditional affection from Gwil. Malcolm stayed alone the whole time.

"Yeah, I loved him for years. For so much longer than that guy. I had been watching him from afar for so long. I risked everything for him in silent, and I'll do it again and again if that's what it takes for him to be safe." Malcolm snorted. "And then he chose the guy that he knew for more than two months, who is not at all better than me. Why?"

The ringing sound of the painful question never left Joe's mind even after they found the safe house and rang the bell. 

.

.

.

Rami woke up the next morning, tired with his body aching from the entire afternoon and evening of taking the truth out of Owen's wife, but he felt warmer than ever. Their plan of bringing Tyler down was going in the right direction, the cast members and the rockstars were closer than ever, and he truly believed that their success was only a few steps away. Yesterday was not easy, but they worked together to finally get the recording of Marilyn Owen's voice telling them about what Tyler did to put into the file of evidence. They could see the pattern in his victims - they were all controlled by him through their career, and Tyler was ready to push them over the edge if they disobey. Going against him or refusing his order means losing their house, going bankrupt or becoming unemployed forever in just a blink. He would make sure that they had a slow, painful and desperate death. Literally. They would never heal from those blow, not Malcolm, not Ben, nor Owen. Tyler went as far as making Owen stab Ben, that man knew too well that if he tried to resist, his wife and children would suffer from the same fate. That's why Owen was willing to almost kill someone he didn't even know, faked his illness in order to follow Tyler's orders. His list of victims probably didn't stop at three people. If they step up now, they could save not only their friend's life, but many more.

"Hey." He kissed Lucy on her lips when they got up, and the woman smiled at him. They were lying tangled together in their own hotel room, finally getting some rest after weeks of stressing and worrying. Lucy never stopped feeling guilty over what happened to Ben, thinking she should be responsible for his pain, and Rami had to spend so much time trying to persuade her the opposite.

"Good morning." She chuckled as he nuzzled her neck. She seemed relieved knowing his mission last night was successful. "It's 9 a.m. Everyone's waiting for us with breakfast. We should get going."

"Can't I spend another five minutes to appreciate my Lucy?" He put on his puppy eyes, and the woman laughed. 

"Yeah, but only five minutes." Sometimes he felt like they were the hetero version of Ben and Gwil. They never knew each other before the movie, but felt attracted at the first sight, and as everything grew, their affection grew as well. The more he spent time with this woman, the more everything clicked into place. But they were luckier, because they got to be together. 

He was almost forty years old. In his lifetime, there were a lot of different girls who crossed his path, leaving both good and bad 

memories. Sometimes it hurt how none of them stayed for long, it was almost like there was something wrong with him, making him unlikable. When he first met Lucy, he didn't expect this to be any more special than his previous relationship, but now, when they were facing something more than themselves, he believed that after this, the connection between them would be ten times closer. No one could get through something like this without being attached. And he finally had some hope about his happy ever after.

Lucy always held his shoulders and leant into him like he was her lifeline, her protector, and he had never felt more honored. Every time they were together alone like this, whenever he could feel the woman's small, slender hands squeezing his shoulders or cupping his jaw, he promised himself to make sure she would be the happiest woman on Earth.

"Hey, can I ask you to do something for me?" She whispered as they kissed slowly and lazily. 

"Yeah?" He let their foreheads touch, looking into her eyes.

"I'm worried about Ben." She sighed. "I don't know, I just have a feeling… You know what, it sounds ridiculous, just ignore it. I'll--"

"Hey, it's okay, everybody cares about him. You're like his sister, of course you're worried." He stroked her hair, and she looked at him with sorrow in her eyes.

"I mean, I know he has Gwil now, and they look like the happiest, most perfect couple in the world. But Ben has some insecurities that make him feel unworthy of Gwil, and Gwil is also tired after the days out there looking for him." She bit her lip. "We should help in any way we can."

"We are helping, Lucy. And we help because we care about him and want him to be okay, not because we feel like we did something wrong to him, okay?" Rami kissed her forehead and slowly sat up as she nodded. "Come on, let's have some breakfast and then we can go check on Ben."

When they got to the hotel's buffet, they saw Joe, Brian and Roger sitting, chatting and enjoying breakfast together. As they walked closer, the three men greeted them with enthusiasm and moved over so they could squeeze in. 

"Hey, how's the Romeo and Juliet?" Joe patted Rami's back, and he rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, yeah, we're perfect." Lucy giggled and sat down. 

"Was last night fine with you?" Brian asked. "This hotel is good enough?"

"Please, I've never been in such a fancy place in my life." Rami laughed, and they continued their breakfast. Their chatting mentioned mostly about the previous day's difficult but successful job, where Rami and Joe told the Brian and Roger everything, from Owen's background, to the similarities among Tyler's victims. The two man listened thoughtfully.

"Oh, where's Malcolm?" Brian asked when they mentioned how Malcolm helped in persuading Marilyn Owen to give up on her pretending and tell them the truth. The man clearly scared her with his cop look, but turned out extremely soothing and patient when encouraging people to speak up. He even managed to make the children say something about their father. The only thing they left out was the conversation in the car about him, Ben and Gwil.

"He went back to work at the station." Joe said. "We--we're not sure if he's willing to help us again."

"What?" Roger blinked rapidly. "Why?"

He just sighed and shook his head. Yesterday, Rami expected to see Joe and his talent for words turn Marilyn Owen around, but he was surprised to see the man barely said a word. All he did was quietly watching Malcolm with sad eyes, like the story about his late feelings for Ben couldn't escape Joe's head. Of course, no one except Rami noticed it. After Malcolm left, Rami was pretty sure that Joe didn't sleep much the entire night.

Roger decided to change the subject to the latest Queen concert and how excited everyone was for the tour. It somehow brought smiles to everyone's face, as Joe asked non stop about their practicing, their songs and plans and Brian and Roger were happy to answer everything. For a moment, they let go of all of their worries and stress about the time ahead and just relaxed for a while. Ben and Gwil deserved some time sleeping in together, and they deserved some peaceful time as well. It had been a long time since they felt truly at ease.

"Oh God Bri, are you still reading newspapers?" Roger teased the other man as he took some newspapers from the rack on the wall and flipped through them. "It's the 21st century, catch up with the kids will be nice."

"Yeah, I saw you being such an influencer on instagram." Lucy giggled. "Why don't you--"

Roger suddenly paled as he quickly snapped the newspaper to the table, front page up. There was a gigantic photo of Ben and Gwil kissing in the middle of the pavement, and a large title coming with it.

**_Bohemian Rhapsody star gay couple - Is this the real life? Or is this just some cheap scandal to attract attention to the movie?_ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a feeling that this fic is not read nor liked by you guys anymore.  
> Do you have any suggestion so I can improve the story? What does it need?


	17. Chapter 17

"Okay, open your eyes." Gwil grinned sheepishly as he proudly presented his surprise on his hands. Ben opened his eyes, and his heart swelled.

The "surprise" on Gwil's hands barked happily, tail wagged excitedly and moved his tiny adorable paws towards Ben, making his insides melted. He immediately got closer to the two of them and took the puppy from Gwil's hands, cradling him in his own arms and smiled at his eyes and ears and cute little nose. It had been months since he last saw Frankie and he never realized how much he miss having a dog. The puppy was a fluffy German Shepherd, about six months old, curious and excited at everything. He rubbed his forehead against Ben's chest lovingly.

"Where did you get him?" Ben looked up at Gwil, chuckling slightly. Gwil's eyes sparkled.

"A shelter near here." The man caressed the puppy's ears. "I think you'd feel nice having a little friend after what happened with Frankie and your ex. They said he was trained to be a police dog, but he was too friendly to attack any bad guy, so they had to fire him."

Ben laughed. It was like all of the invisible walls he put around himself disappeared when his eyes touched the puppy. Gwil knew this would work - everyone loves puppy, especially a softie like Ben. The other day, he saw Ben staring at a beagle while walking on the street with longing eyes, as if he was holding himself back from walking over to touch its head. The man would never ask for anything, Gwil knew that, because he was afraid of becoming a bother, but Gwil knew how lonely he was. Among all of the chaos they got themselves into, Ben had no time to rest. He was always stressed and scared. Gwil found that this adorable little angel would brighten up his day after the mess with Tyler and everything. They were having the upper hand in this game - everything they needed for their plan was ready. They could spend a day to rest before getting into the final war. He could see the fear and worry in Ben's eyes everytime anyone brought it up. The nightmares he had were fewer, but still came up often during the night. 

"Does he have a name?" Ben smiled as the puppy licked his hand, and Gwil shrugged.

"They told me he's Cheddar. Like in that series--"

"Brooklyn 99!" They said at the same time, and burst into giggles. 

"That sounds adorable." Ben moved closer to kiss on Gwil's cheek, squishing the puppy between them slightly. "Thank you. I've been missing Frankie like crazy."

"I know." And you've been shutting yourself off from me and everyone, so you definitely feel lonely. "I wish I can do more to make you happy."

Ben just smiled and crouched down to let the puppy onto the ground. He took the leash from Gwil's hands and wrapped it around the dog, securing him. "I can't ask for more from anyone, really. You're the best."

Gwil nodded, watching the two of them fumbling around each other for a few minutes. It might be the first time Ben smiled in weeks. After a while of figuring out how the leash worked, he managed to keep Cheddar still for a second, enough to put it around the puppy, and locking it before he jump around and mess everything up again. He looked like a proud father helping his toddler putting on the school bag. Gwil just wanted to kiss him so hard right there.

"Hey, I'm heading out to give him a walk right now." Ben pointed at the door, smiling at Gwil. "Are you coming with?"

"Well, staying here all day isn't gonna help me get any healthier, yeah?" He stepped closer to place a kiss on Ben's excited grin. "Just let me change into my sneakers."

It took longer than usual for the two of them to put their sneakers on, because Cheddar kept barking and urging them to get faster. Finally, Gwil and Ben took Cheddar down to the lobby, heading out for a walk. Ben had no idea how Gwil managed to sneak the Shepherd into the hotel, but he was too happy to care if anyone saw them. Brian and Roger sure could give them a hand if the staff decided to kick them out or anything. The elevator opened and they got out, Gwil holding one of Ben's hand and Cheddar's leash in the other. It was nice that none of the staff showed any discomfort whenever they showed their affections through small kisses on the cheeks, hugs or hand holding. Some people could just see the way they look at each other and sneer at their "disgusting unnatural behaviors". 

Ben's cheeks flushed every time Gwil held his hand, which is strangely adorable. He was about to tease the man before a receptionist suddenly approached them from behind her table.

"Excuse me, are you Mr. Lee and Mr. Hardy?" She asked, eyed the dog for a second. Cheddar immediately hid behind Ben's legs.

"Oh, yes. Don't worry about the puppy, we promise--"

"No, no, that's not a problem as long as you keep your room and the hallway clean, Mr. Lee. Mr. Taylor and May already informed us of Cheddar's presence." The woman said. "But there's a message that Mr. Tyler from your movie left for you at our desk half an hour ago."

The blood in Gwil's veins froze. He looked at Ben, noticing how the man's face paled at the mention of Tyler's name. How did he find out about them? How did he know where they were staying? Is this a threat? What was he going to do now that he knew Ben wasn't in the hospital like Brian and Roger lied about, but in a hotel near the movie set?

"Here, I saved it as a voicemail." The woman led them to her desk and pushed a button on her telephone. Ben gripped Gwil's hand so tightly his knuckles turned white.

_ Hello, Tiger. It's only a few months of not seeing you and I already feel like years. I tried to contact you through your number, but seems like my little tiger is grown enough now that he can ignore my calls and try to run to another country, huh? Alright, alright, tough guy. You think I am horrifying? Just wait. _

It ended there.

"Mr. Lee, this message sounds scary, to be honest." The receptionist looked at them with weary eyes. Ben's face was as white as a paper sheet and it wasn't calming her down. "Do you need me to call--"

"No, no." Gwil bit his lip. He shook his head. "It's nothing. Just some silly game we play in the movie set to blow off the steam. Don't mind it."

Ben stared at him with green eyes vulnerable and painful. He tried to hide how shaky his breaths were as he moved closer to Gwil and whispered to him.

"What do we do now?"

Gwil swallowed, eyes darting away from Ben's worried expressions. Seeing the man so broken just from hearing Tyler's voice made him want to smash the entire room to trash. Ben had been suffering from withdrawals all the time and Gwil had to see all of it from start to finish without being able to help. All he could do was holding Ben when he collapsed from exhaustion after that, and make him something to eat while he took a shower. Ben always said he felt like Tyler was there every time, pulling a chain around his neck, making him unable to breathe. 

When Ben agreed to get back, he did it because Gwil desperately asked him to. But Gwil never dare to mention about filing up the case and facing Tyler in court. He was worried that it would scare Ben away again, and right now, when he saw the man he loves in so much distress over that monster's threat, he wasn't even sure bringing Ben back was the right choice. No matter how much Brian and Roger tried to protect him, no matter how much Gwil and Joe and Lucy tried to protect him, Tyler still found him. He left a blatant threat: another desperate man with a knife could be on his way here right now. No one knew exactly what Tyler was about to do, whether he was insane enough to try to end Ben's life again.

"I think we have to move." Gwil took in a sharp breath. "He knows you're here. He's probably planning something for you here. I can't let that happen."

He stepped to the door, pulling at Ben's hand.

"But--" Ben's eyes were wide open. "My stuff is still--"

"I'll call Joe and we'll handle that for you. The first thing is moving you to somewhere safe." Gwil said, voice firm. "I'm getting a cab, I'll find another hotel on the way. Come on."

Ben hesitated before following Gwil, hand still holding onto his. Poor puppy Cheddar was so confused and worried when his two owners became so serious. He whined at them, and Ben picked him up into his arms as they practically ran out of there. Gwil was determined as he got closer and closer to the door - he wouldn't be the helpless bystander one more time. He wouldn't stand by and look as Ben was endangered anymore.

Gwil pushed the door and a voice yelled. 

"THAT'S GWILYM LEE AND BEN HARDY!!!" 

A flood of people came at them from every direction, blocking their path and the flash of cameras stunned them. That's--

"Mr. Lee! Can you confirm your relationship with Mr. Hardy?"

"They're holding hands! They're definitely dating!"

"Is this real or just a scandal to seek attention for the movie?"

"How long have you two been together?"

"Is it true that you tried to run away from the country with Gwilym Lee after cheating on Easton Tyler with him?"

"Was Easton Tyler really your boyfriend? How did you keep it a secret between you two?"

"Was the role of Roger Taylor really yours because of Mr. Tyler?"

Ben's head spinned as the questions rained on them, hundreds of different faces surrounded them and screamed at them. Flashlights coming off like guns around them, blinding him. He was too shock to move.

Someone grabbed Gwil's arm, trying to pull him away. "Mr. Lee, tell us more about--"

"No!" Ben yelled, pushing the person away. Gwil held his wrist and they got back inside, finally got away from the sea of human bodies pressing against them for answers. It was like the worst nightmares.

The receptionist locked the door, and the reporters plastered themselves on the glass, thumping and calling at them. Gwil panted as he looked at Ben.

"I don't understand, what--"

"Why are they here? How did they know?"

The receptionist finally locked the door and ran to them, face also paled from worry. "It's the press. I thought they left after days of waiting here and not seeing you so I didn't warn you…"

"Why is the press here?" Ben asked, and then the sound of the questions from before rang in his head. In the sea of noise, he remembered hearing Tyler's name. They asked him about him and Gwil, about their relationship, and then Tyler…

"You haven't heard?" The woman blinked. "Mr. Hardy, you are all over the news right now. A photo of you and Mr. Lee was captured the other week and posted on The Sun. People were all over your relationship, guessing and making up stories and stuff. But you said nothing about it and never left the hotel, so it naturally died down. Until this morning when director Easton Tyler said in an interview on the Internet that…"

She stuttered. Her gaze lowered, avoiding Ben's eyes. 

He didn't even bother asking her. He pulled out his phone and started typing the words into the searching bar with shaky hands. Ben had the habit of avoiding social media as much as possible, as he knew how easily the words in the comments can affect him. Gwil was too busy with making sure that he can get over his nightmares and cheering him up that both of them had no idea about what Tyler did. And when the image of the man who destroyed Ben's life flared on the screen, he bit his lip, hard.

"Yes, I mean, of course I had someone. Being lonely can be addictive, you know, but having him by my side is even more intoxicating." The middle aged man nodded with the host of the show. The set burst into ooohs and ahhhs when they heard the sound "he". 

"Oh, wow, Easton, a he?" The host gasped. "God, you have to tell us, come on!"

"But it ended a while ago." Tyler sighed, his face so sad Ben would pity him if he didn't know anything. "I still can't believe he can do that to me, but then…"

"Oh, I'm sorry, Easton, that's horrible to hear." The other man patted his back. "How about we get to--"

"Wait, no, I think I need to say it." Tyler sighed. "To clear my head."

"Go on then, Easton."

"His name is Ben Jones." Tyler chuckled, staring straight at the camera, into Ben's soul. "We met before, when he was alone and scared, and I was still the only one who held out a hand to help him. We fell in love. I never felt like that towards anyone before - I feel like I could rip the world apart to find him. After a while, he changed his name into Ben Hardy, saying it made him feel more confident. I believed him."

Sweat rolled on the side of Ben's face as he stared at how lies came out so easy from the mouth of that man.

"But turned out that he was cheating on me with all sorts of people behind my back. The change of name is also the change in person." Fake tears ran down from Tyler's eyes, and anger exploded inside Gwil. "He...he secretly met other actors and directors under my name to get more roles, and now when he's playing Roger Taylor in the Queen biopic that I direct, he's with Gwilym Lee, his fellow actor. When I asked him why, he just told me that that was how it was, and I was too mundane for him."

Gwil's breath hitched.

"I mean, Gwilym Lee is a handsome lad, probably head over heels for Hardy just like I was before, but no one knows how he slept with Roger Taylor to get himself a role in such a big movie." Tyler sighed. His voice broke at the end of the sentence. "I pity him, really."

"That's a very brave thing to say, Easton." The host rubbed Tyler's shaking shoulders, but he still cried uncontrollably.

Ben snapped his phone in half.


	18. Chapter 18

“Hey. How are you feeling?” 

Ben looked up from his lap and saw Brian approaching him with worried eyes. He somehow still kept his calm while everyone else, especially Roger, Gwil and Joe, was hysterical. On the other side of the room, Rami and Lucy were whispering at each other, faces pale as a sheet. In the next room, Roger probably threw another lamp out of the window. He was known to be rather scary when he was mad.

Ben swallowed. “Yeah, I--I’m great. I haven’t read anything, really. I never get onto social networks to read about myself, so I’m not so bad.”

“But it’s not just the social networks anymore, isn’t it?” The man sat down next to him. “It’s also on the news. It doesn’t just concern you, but also us. Roger’s furious when he saw Tyler saying that you...well, you got the role by seducing Roger. Sarina’s questioning him like crazy, his agents were storming into his house all the time and everything’s a mess.”

Ben sighed as he curled into a tight ball on the edge of the bed. “I’m sorry. He did this to you to get to me. I should have--”

“What, Ben? You should have given up at the beginning? Let him do anything he wants with you for the rest of your life? Ruin your spirit and enslave you?” Brian’s hazel eyes were firm. 

“I didn’t mean that.” The blond man mumbled, tried not to let his eyes water. He wasn’t even sure if he was really honest when he said that. Maybe if he did give up from the beginning, none of this would have happened. He might have found a chance to escape and not hurting everyone around him. Roger was the one who voted to cast him into the movie, and now his life was upside down because of Ben’s personal war with Tyler.

A war that he knew he couldn’t win. All he saw was hopelessness. Tyler was one of the most powerful men in Hollywood. Even if he didn’t permanently destroy Roger and Brian’s career with his disgusting made up stories, Ben wouldn’t be so lucky. Queen is a big name. And the two of them had gone through enough difficulties to still stay strong after this. Their fans would believe them. But Ben… When he tried to look forward to find any thread of hope, he saw nothing but darkness.

“Kiddo.” Brian put a hand on his shoulder. “This isn’t the time to feel sorry for yourself. We planned to bring Tyler into court next week to answer for his crimes with you and Malcolm and everyone else. Everything’s ready: the papers, the procedure, evidence, everything. But Gwil postponed it because he was afraid that you’re not ready to face Tyler.”

Ben’s breath hitched. He remembered having a fight with Gwil about going back or leaving for good. He told Gwil how much he was scared of exposing his wounds to the world. How much he wanted to run. All of that somehow faded into the background when he was caught in the whirlwind of their relationship. Ben completely forgot about it. He was so into being with Gwil he forgot what he came back for - fighting and defeating Tyler, in order to be free. But Gwil must have been thinking about it all the time. He cared about Ben too much.

“Tyler declared war on us. You are not alone in this anymore, Queen is here with you.” Brian took in a sharp breath. “We have to start this. Roger is also suing Tyler for spreading slanders about him, but that’s not the evilest thing he did. You have to step up.”

Ben didn’t know how to respond. A second ago, when Brian persuaded him to step up, to defend himself, he knew he had to do it. He had always known he had to, if he wanted to be free. They had come so far, there was no way he could run from this and ruin all of their efforts. But when Brian finished his sentence, fear rose inside him. He imagined himself, being in that cold, large courtroom, facing the man who had torn his life apart, being braced by all sorts of famous lawyers. Everyone was watching him with pleading, hopeful eyes. Gwil’s blue eyes were sparkling with tears as he squeezed his hands into fists. The room was so quiet he could hear his own heartbeat, so fast his chest hurt. Tyler was smirking because he knew Ben didn’t have the courage to do this. He knew Ben was too weak and scared to stand up for himself. And that monster was right.

“I’m sorry, I have to go.” He abruptly stood up from the bed and bolted out of the room, heading out, before the roar and flashes from the press outside of the hotel startled him. The cameras were like a thousand guns pointing at him. They had given up hiding from the press hours ago when all hotels in Hertfordshire were surrounded by reporters and journalists. 

Ben stepped back, leaning his back against the wall. He lied to Brian when he said he was fine and didn’t read anything on social media. He knew, he knew that not reading the comments was the first rule when he stepped foot into this industry, and he had been following that rule perfectly until now. He was frightened. But he was curious. So curious. He had this stupid little hope in him, that somehow people wouldn’t believe the stories Tyler made up and would stand on his side. People would notice when someone was lying about so many things, right? Maybe, maybe they would realize how he was the real victim here… And he opened the Pandora’s box. He got himself onto the Internet when no one else was watching - they were all so busy with their lives and with the press annoying them, why would they care about him - and searched for the articles and videos about Tyler. He didn’t dare to watch that interview again, but he read the comments, the social network posts about this. And his heart broke. 

He regretted doing that stupid thing so much, because now, after days of locking himself in this prison of a hotel, he couldn’t get those cruel words out of his head. They hated him. The world hated him. Anonymous insulted him for bringing shame to Hollywood and steal other actors’ roles, celebrities couldn’t stop having implications about honesty and honor on the news, and his accounts were filled with comments from all over the world, telling him to go to hell. They found out all of his old photos, making up rumours, assuming his thoughts and words, build him into the image of a venomous snake. Some even said he deserved being stabbed for what he did. It broke him more than the pain from the wounds that were still torturing him everyday. They knew nothing, all of them - but they acted like they knew everything because Tyler gave them a false story to believe in. His agents disappeared without a trace, all of the invitations to star in upcoming movies were canceled. The world was drowning him in sticks and stones, and the worst thing was that Ben couldn’t stop reading more. He was so desperate of trying to know why people hate him so much, he kept hurting himself every day behind Gwil’s back.

“Ben? What are you doing outside? Those reporters can see you!” Gwil was standing right next to him, shaking his shoulders, his voice started to sound panicked. “Don’t ignore me like that, what’s wrong?”

“No… Nothing’s wrong.” Ben furrowed his eyebrows, finally awake from his imagination. “Sorry, I’m just getting some fresh air.”

Gwil huffed, pulling him back into the hotel room. “I know you feel suffocated in there, but it’s not safe. They are only suspecting us hiding here, if someone really caught you, the rest of them would come and we’d have to move again.”

“I’m sorry,” Ben repeated, feeling clumsy and helpless. He was thinking too much about himself and forgot about their situation. Other people also suffer from the same fate Brian, Roger, Joe, Lucy, Rami, Gwil. The people he cared about and loved so, so much, and they were willing to go through all of this with him.

“Brian told me you stormed out. We were so worried.” Gwil cupped his cheeks, eyeing him with concern. 

“I’m--”

“God, stop apologizing!” Gwil groaned, and Ben was confused, not knowing what to do. He stayed silent. “Everything is not your fault, okay?”

Ben just stared at him. He was able to look strong in front of Brian, but whenever Gwil stepped into the room and asked about whatever in this world, his eyes started to water. He always tried to hide his hurtful feelings deep inside so he wouldn’t worry anyone, but Gwil had this power to make him weak all the time.

“Oh, oh, God.” The taller man sighed and held him tighter as tears ran freely down his cheeks. “Tell me what happened. We just want to help you, Ben. It seems like you’re pushing us away and we’re falling apart because of it.”

“Wha--What do you mean?” Ben asked, hating how his voice broke.

“You never said anything to anyone other than answering our questions with two-word answers. You keep sitting alone in corners and separating yourself from all of us.” Gwil tilted his head. “Roger’s so worried about you and he has no way to express it other than being angry. I’ve been hearing him threatening to cut Tyler’s dead body into pieces and scattering them around London for days now.”

Ben blinked. He had no idea Roger could be that scary, though.

“Joe stopped eating after seeing you starved yourself, and he gets cranky and starts a fight with anyone within a mile radius.” Gwil closed his eyes, sighing. “Even Cheddar is missing you like crazy.”

“I--I never noticed that.” Ben bit his lip, avoiding Gwil’s gaze. He felt like a giant prick now. People’s lives were upside down because of him and he knew nothing about it. The poor neglected puppy was shuffling around their legs now, demanding belly rubs and sweet words. Gwil picked him up.

“Because I see something’s bothering you.” Gwil moved closer and their foreheads touched. “The rest of them are too nervous to get close, so here I am. Please tell us what happened, so we can work it out together.”

Ben’s gaze lowered as he stayed silent again, so Gwil led him to his bed and sat both of them down. It was strange how none of the others were there aside from Cheddar - because Roger’s mess was still all over the floor but he was nowhere to be found. Gwil didn’t care about that though, his attention was now fully on Ben. 

He held Ben’s middle in the most gentle way possible, and he automatically leaned into Gwil’s lap, right next to the puppy. It felt like home. The home he never had, right in the arms of the man he loved. How could he not remember the last time they were this close and peaceful?

“You’ve been turning from me for so many nights now,” Gwil whispered, pushing a loose strand of hair out of his face. “I started to feel scared. You were right next to me and you acted like I wasn’t there.”

“I’m so--” Ben opened his mouth, and then shut up when Gwil glared at him. “I’m here now.”

He curled into Gwil’s lap and breathed in the alluring scent of the man’s cologne. He hugged Cheddar close and kissed his furry ears. He never realized how much he missed this. The softness, the warmth, the scent. It was like a lovely cocoon he would love to wrap around himself forever. And then Gwil bent down to kiss him, and he melted.

Gwil’s lips were sweet and warm against his, easing their way into Ben’s mouth, fondling him and making him blinded with the feeling of peace and safety. They kissed, they hugged each other, grabbed at each other so tightly and shared the same breath. After a while, when Ben’s lips started to feel numb, he stopped the kiss and leaned his head against Gwil’s chest, breathing heavily.

“I read everything they wrote about me on the Internet,” Ben mumbled, and Gwil gasped.

_ “Ben!” _

“I know, I know.” He sighed. “I shouldn’t have done it. I never do it, I don’t know why I was dumb enough to do it this time.”

“God, sweetheart, are you hurt?” Gwil shook his head, caressing his cheeks. The empty, broken look returned on Ben's face. “They--God. They said horrible things. Why would you read that?”

“So you’ve read those comments and articles?” Ben blinked his green eyes at him, and Gwil pressed his lips together. 

“I just wanted to know their reaction at Tyler’s blatant lies. Turned out they believed him entirely.”

“They’re not his victims. They know nothing. Not like us." Ben curled closer to him. "They didn't insult me and you and all of us because they are angry at me sleeping with directors to get roles. They're just cold, cruel creatures that are waiting to feed on anyone who's not careful."

It was the truth, but hearing Ben saying it that way made Gwil even more concerned. If those anonymous people got to him, made him give up, everything they've been fighting for would all go to waste. Ben would never get the freedom and justice he deserved. And right now, Ben sounded like his spirit and hope were completely dead. He didn't even cry anymore, just lay there, staring blankly at the far wall.

"I'm sorry, Gwil. If I was so weak I can't handle what some random people on the Internet said about me… How can I face Tyler and his lawyers? They'd just cut me down."

Having Ben close and not being able to reach him was the most helpless thing Gwil had ever felt. Gwil never hated being helpless more in his life.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the push.

"We have to go on without him." Malcolm said, arms crossed in front of his chest. "I didn't run from Tyler and always look over my shoulder just to give up now."

"But without his permission, none of our evidence can go into court." Rami furrowed his eyebrows as he scrolled through their list of evidence. "All we have is your testimony and the recording of Marilyn Owen's words. His lawyers can easily find a way out, and he'll be ten times more careful around us."

"I can't let him spread that damned rumour of his and get away with it, Rami." Roger growled, his eyes was murderous from where he sat. "It ruined our reputation and turned my family upside down."

"You can sue him, Roger, but the thing is you can't prove that he's wrong without Ben." Brian rubbed his forehead in exasperation. "The rumour's still there. We need to take away Tyler's reputation by winning him in Ben's case. If he's exposed as a manipulative and cruel rapist, nothing he said can be trusted. But now you can't prove that what he said was wrong."

"Then we'll file the evidence up without Ben's permission." 

Their small discussion turned into a full blown war so fast Gwil didn't even notice before Roger and Brian were glaring daggers at each other, and they splitted into two obvious, opposite groups. One wanted to continue with their plan anyway and file up the case without Ben's knowing. They wanted to fight Tyler on their own. The other believed that Ben is irreplaceable in their case and they needed to persuade him into joining them at all costs. Gwil was upset because he didn't want the case to continue, but he didn't want to keep on pushing Ben any further. The most infuriating thing was that the first group acted like they cared about Ben enough to protect him from facing Tyler, but Gwil felt like they just wanted to leave Ben behind. He was angry at everyone, at their stupid argument, and he felt hopeless when he thought about Ben. God. Malcolm was so mad. He yelled in his face, "Tell Ben to open his bloody eyes, Lee! The universe is not about him! He has to open his eyes to look around and see how much he can actually help others instead of curling up like a coward and leave everyone behind!"

Malcolm was merciless, he really was. Ever since when he saw Ben and Gwil kissing in the hallway, something changed in him. He became snappy and grumpy at Ben. Gwil doubted it had something to do with his unrequited love for Ben after the man said clearly that it was Gwil that he wanted. Gwil knew it was a horrible idea to be in a plan with your ex, but Malcolm had truly put his life at risks because of Ben. He knew he could be hunted down by Tyler, but he still went against his orders to find Ben and took Gwil there to bring him back. Gwil was mad at Malcolm's aggressive behaviors as well, but deep down, he knew that the man deserved more than being rejected from both a relationship, and a safe life. If he was Malcolm, he would be mad at Ben, too.

"You know what, it doesn't matter." Lucy sighed as she stood up from her seat. The tension between her and Rami was unbelievably high for the first time in their relationship, and Gwil felt sorry for them. Ben should have seen this. "I vote keep going. If we fail, at least we did something rather than sitting there waiting to be attacked like you guys and Ben. If we can actually bring Tyler to prison, which we know we can, you'll know."

Gwil didn't know Lucy could be this icy and decisive. Most of the decision she made were based on logical, calculating consideration, while Rami was just an emotional puppy. The last thing he wanted was hurt Ben's feelings by exposing his wounds to the world, and it made the crack between him and Lucy wider every second. 

"You're not going to file it up behind Ben's back!" Rami snapped before Gwil could, and Lucy's cold eyes tore him apart.

"We already did." 

"What?!" Joe yelled, and Roger just growled.

"We do what we have to do. Tyler has to be in prison before he can harm anyone else."

"I filed the case with every single piece of evidence we found about Ben, and everything else." Lucy said. "The day of the trial is in two weeks. We'll tell the press about it three days earlier."

"I can't believe it. You betrayed his trust for your own need." Joe stood up too, his voice quivered from emotions. Gwil was too shocked to hold him back. Thank God Brian was there. "You said you started this to save him, but all you care about is yourselves."

"Yes, that's the reason." Malcolm returned his glare with a freezing cold gaze. "I did it because I care about myself, unlike Ben, who got the whole world having his back. I need to do that to live. I'm not hiding and running like him. That's it."

The atomic bomb of an argument dropped down at them torn everything into pieces, and Gwil was becoming more and more desperate as they went on. Right before he thought Joe could jump over the table and haul himself at Malcolm, starting a real fist fight, he stood up and left the room. Gwil's feet were numb as he walked out, ignoring the eyes following him, and opened the door, heading back to his room. 

But when he opened the door, Ben was already on the other side, eyes wide.

"So you guys already made my decision for me?" 

The ones inside froze as the blond man stood there, the shock in his eyes turned into pain. His jaw clenched and unclenched, fists tightened into balls by his side. Anger swirled inside his green eyes.

"Ben, listen," Lucy got up from her seat, trying to explain, but he snapped.

"Seriously, why bother?!" Gwil had never seen Ben raising his voice to anyone, ever. He was always the ones to give in in arguments, always choose the peaceful, forgiving path, and never, ever got angry at anyone. The way his voice snapped at them like thunder made them all flinched and silent.

Ben strode into the room, face reddened with rage. "You got the evidence without me, you filed the case without me, you choose to expose me to those vultures. Why the fuck should you care about my thoughts here anyway? No need to explain, really. Just go on with it. I was actually coming to tell you to file up my evidence, but I see that you made up your mind already. It doesn't matter what I say."

He turned around and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind. Gwil glared at Malcolm, Roger and Lucy before following him.

"You're spoiling him too much, Gwilym." Roger said before he left, voice firm, his blue eyes flashing. 

.

.

.

"Watch where you're going, arsehole!"

A car honked its horn madly at Ben when he crossed over the street without much looking, some insults were thrown at him as it passed, but he couldn't care less. His mind was spinning with hurt, anger and disappointment. A few months ago, he would be running and crying, but now, he was just angry. He walked without knowing where he was going, slamming into a bunch of people, and he still continued walking.

Gwil tried to follow him at first, trying to persuade him to come back and think it through before actually doing anything, but he practically dragged Gwil into their room and slammed the door shut, locking the man inside. He had no idea how much he had healed from the stabbing injuries - Gwil was shocked, too, when Ben pushed him. Probably Ben was just too angry to care about the throbbing pain from his punctuated lungs despite his constant panting. He ran. He put on the hood of his jacket, hiding inside a cart and asked someone to wheel him out of the hotel before the press finally got off his back. Now he just wandered around without any particular intention in mind.

All he thought about was how they betrayed him. He couldn't believe it. He knew that they hated Tyler and wanted to bring him down, but using Ben for their own interest? How was that different from Tyler himself? He didn't ask for them to be his rescuer. He didn't want any of them to know, anyone to know, really. He couldn't let his past out for the fear of being used and blackmailed, but now they decided to do exactly the same to him. He couldn't believe it. Sure, Tyler made up stories about Roger. But it was about Ben too, and it messed up Ben's life more than his. Sure, Tyler blackmailed and made Malcolm his pet for years. But didn't he do the same thing to Ben? The more he thought about it, the hurt in his heart turned more into rage. There it was again. His stupidity.

He was stupid enough to trust Tyler at first. He honestly thought that he had learned the lesson and finally found some people who cared about him for real. Turned out it was the same old path again, and he became the helpless and alone little boy again. God, all because of him and his stupid trustful little mind. If only he could learn something.

"Hey, get your hands off me!" An urgent voice made Ben fall out of his thoughts. His legs brought him to a completely strange neighborhood without his knowing, and he was going straight towards a dead end. In front of him, a large man was towering over someone, looking like a woman. "Stop! No!"

He stepped back and hid behind the corner. From where he was watching, the man was covering all of his vision and he couldn't really see what he was doing, but from the woman's terrified voice, everything was clear. She tried to get away from the man's grab, but he growled at her and she turned into a whimpering mess.

"Please… Please… No…" 

"Shut up!" He slapped her across the face, and she fell back from the brutal force. Ben's heart started to race in his chest. A pepper spray was rolling on the ground about three feet away from them. It must be hers, right before the bastard managed to control her.

Ben looked around. He had to do something. It was a quiet alley, rather late in the evening, and no one else was there but them. He pulled his phone out of his pocket and started to send an emergency message to Malcolm. He didn't want to have anything to do with that man anymore, but he was the only cop Ben knew, and the police needed to be here as soon as possible.

"Help! Somebody help!"

The woman's scream made him flinch, almost dropping his phone. He looked up, and eyes widen as the bastard already pinned the woman down and started to tear her clothes off. God, it wasn't a robbery, no. He was about to rape that woman.

"Get your bloody hands off her, you son of a bitch!" Ben roared from his spot, and sprinted towards them. The thug reacted too slow when he picked up the pepper spray and sprayed it straight into his eyes when he turned around. 

The rapist screamed in pain and fell down, covering his burning eyes. Ben stepped back, hands shaking with adrenaline, and looked at the woman. "It's okay, you're safe, he can't--"

The bastard somehow grabbed his ankle and pulled him down harshly. Before Ben knew it, he was already on the ground, with the thug's fists hitting all over his body blindly. The blows came so fast he could barely raise his arms to protect himself. They came at his stomach, his chest, his face, everywhere the rapist could reach, he used all of his strength to attack Ben. Everything around him became twisted with all of the stars behind his eyelids, as each blow came down, the pain exploded on his flesh. He used his knees to push the attacker away, and could finally take a breath. He glanced at the woman's direction to check on her, but she looked to horrified to move. She just sat there, leaning against the dirty, cold brick wall and stared at them with tears running down her cheeks. Such a vulnerable creature like that, and this pervert dared to try to hurt her.

All of the rage bubbling inside Ben resurfaced as he looked back right in time - the bastard charged at him again. But this time, he was prepared. He easily ducked from the attack and returned a powerful punch to his side. The bastard groaned in pain and moved back. Ben stood up, glaring at him. This was just another Tyler. This was just another monster waiting to devour on its prey, destroy people's life, and then walking away continuing its life like it was a normal, minor thing to do. If he went on and rape that woman tonight, when he was done, he would just leave without a fracture of remorse in his head, just like Tyler leaving the hotel room after finished fucking a delirious Ben into his mattress. And he bet that after that, he would go on with his life unpunished. The ones around this woman would accuse her, would blame her, betray her like those people did to him, and she would be nothing different from him now. 

He put all of his anger into his pained muscles and strained lungs - elbowed the bastard in the face and kneed his crotch with everything he had. Seemed like it was all it took to bring the bastard down.

"Hey. Hey." He walked over to the woman's spot, kneeling down to take off his jacket and put it around her bare shoulders. The rapist had already tore off her dress, and she was shaking violently. She clung onto him and burst into tears. "Shhh. It's okay."

She kept on crying, and Ben held her tightly, whispering assuring words into her ears. Malcolm and the police had to be on their way. He sighed. Some punches made it to his old wounds, and he was wheezing with how the blow almost flattened his lungs out again. He really needed to see the doctor again after this. Some aching spots would definitely turn into bruises later.

"The help is on its way." He tried to calm the woman down. "Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did he do anything to you?"

"N--No--Not yet…" She hiccupped, trembling in his arms. 

"Thank God." He managed to smile. "Don't worry, you'll--"

"Watch out!" Ben could only see the thug coming at him before everything went dark.


	20. Chapter 20

When Ben opened his eyes, there was a constant ache behind his head that almost made the room spin in front of his eyes. He groaned as he tried to get up from wherever he was laying on, and a pair of arms held his shoulders and pushed him down gently. His eyes raised up and he let out a chuckle, finally realizing where he was.

"Hey Andy. Great to see you again."

"Seriously, Ben, being a hospital's ER regular isn't a healthy thing to do." Andy, the nurse who took part in taking care of him when he stayed in his bed to heal from the stabbing, smiled at him. 

"Yeah, but I--" Ben's eyes went wide open. "Oh God, I saw a woman being assaulted and her rapist came at me--where is she? Is she okay? Did he do something to her? Who came for us?"

"Relax, relax. She's alright." Andy patted his shoulder. "No one came to bring you here. She drove you."

"What?" Ben blinked rapidly, not knowing what was going on. "How? That bloke was huge! He almost killed me! How did she get us out?"

"Believe it or not, she fought back and knocked the rapist down on her own after seeing you being so selfless for her." The nurse let out a small relieved sigh. "I recognized you, all of the staff did, since the press used to flood this place asking for the juicy details of your injuries, so I called your friends. Gwilym, Rami, Lucy, Joe, Brian, Roger, all of them."

"What? No! I don't want to see them!" Ben snapped, making the nurse jump. He immediately turned away when he noticed how he scared the man. "I'm sorry. I just don't want to see them right now."

"Sorry, Ben, they're already on their way. I had to call them, they're your only family." Andy looked at him with guilt, but Ben just sighed and sagged into his bed.

"They're not my family. But nevermind. Thanks for helping me."

"Just take some time to relax. You don't have any serious injuries, of course, comparing to last time, just some bruises and swelling here and there. The hit you took affected your weakened lungs a tiny bit, but you'll be fine after a week. I saw you making it through being stabbed in the chest, so I'm sure you can heal from this. Keep on going, yeah? Poor bloke. People keep getting violent with you for no reason."

Ben laughed. "Yeah, poor me. Anyway, where's the woman? Shouldn't she be here to check over everything? She must be traumatized."

"Well, just in time." Andy looked up and smiled at a person coming closer to Ben's bed. "He was asking for you, Rose."

"He's awake?" The woman, the tiny, slim woman that had just been shoved into the wall by a thug, came to his bedside, looking at him with a grateful smile. "Hello. Thank God you're okay. I was so worried."

"Oh, and I thought I should be worried." Ben rolled his eyes playfully. "I thought I came in to save you, and then I ended up being saved."

"Hey, I dragged you into this." She pulled up a chair and sat down next to him, pulling the hospital blanket tighter around her self. Andy nodded to them and got to another room. "How are you feeling? Did he hurt you bad?"

"No, I've been worse." He shrugged. "It'll just be sore for a few days."

"Yeah, I've seen you on the news. You're Ben Hardy, the actor playing Roger Taylor, right?" She held his arm. "Thank you for saving my life."

"You saved your life." He pushed her gently. "I was just there to be a damsel in distress, that's all. How did you do it, anyway?"

"I had no idea, either. I never thought I could do something like that." She grimaced. "But you know, I was really scared. I was frightened. I thought he would touch me with his monstrous hands and turn me into one of those desperate victims on the posters. I thought my life would end there."

"What changed you?"

"You." She smiled. "A random stranger who risked his life to help. Even though he was alone, he was probably still hurt from being stabbed two months ago, and I don't know him. I didn't recognize you at first, but when he charged at you and knocked you out, I realized that people can only help me if I help myself. You did everything you could. If I gave up and just let him do whatever he wanted, all you risked for me was for nothing. I can even put you in more danger. I can't do that. I needed you then, and now you need me. I have to stand up for both of us."

Ben stayed silent. He stared at her in disbelief. 

"So when he was coming at me, I managed to grab a sharp metal piece lying somewhere on the ground and aimed at his eyes. I kicked him and pushed him down. When he was bleeding and yelling, I ran and screamed for help. Some police officers found me." She curled into a ball on her chair. "I tried to pull you up with me, but I couldn't."

"Hey, come on, it's okay. These muscles aren't just for show. They're real, and they're heavy." He made a joke, and they both laughed.

"At least you're okay now." She placed her hand over his forearm. "Andy called your castmates to come and get you. Are they also from the Queen biopic?"

He nodded. "But I don't--I don't want them here."

"Really? Why? They seemed so worried about you. I could even hear someone tripping and falling in the background as they tried to get here as fast as they could."

Ben's gaze lowered, not knowing what to say. Their story was complicated. Not the most dramatic and controversial story people normally see in movies, but he didn't want to let any more people know. Everything he said now could be used against him, to expose him in public to the press or to attack him in court or simply to just insult him. He already made a huge mistake by trusting people, telling them his heart and ended up being flipped in the face. The hurt was still fresh in his mind when he remembered Malcolm's heartless and furious voice telling others to file up the evidence without him even knowing about it, much less giving permission. They argued, and every word coming out was like a tiny needle pinning into his chest. Turned out all of this, everything they claimed that they did to help him, was only for themselves. When they got all they needed, he would be tossed aside. Kind of like how Tyler would treat him later on if he stayed in his claws.

This Rose woman… He knew he was being paranoid, but maybe she could be bought by the press and if he opened his mouth, his entire life story would be on The Sun tomorrow. He kept imagining the worse and worse case scenarios in his head, each more terrifying than the last, about how they could ruin his life even more than they did, and he shivered. Maybe it was really impossible to trust people. Or maybe there was something wrong with him that made people think hurting him and hating him was the right thing to do. 

"I understand if you don't want to tell me the details." She said before the awkward silence stretched too long. He looked at her with grateful eyes. "You must be tired. Rest for a bit. I'll be right in the next room, on my bed, eating Jell-o. Call the nurses if you need anything, okay?"

Rose stood up and gave him a goodbye wave. 

Finally, after so long, he could have his peace and quiet being alone for once. The press seemed to be unaware of him staying here, in the hospital, again. His castmates might raised some suspicion while traveling here, but he knew they were better than that. Now that they hadn't come, he should enjoy this time more. Maybe get some sleep. He hadn't got a proper sleep for weeks with all of the stressful thinking and nightmares. Gwil tried to calm him down, but he soon became tired and fell asleep before Ben. He understood, and tried to be as quiet as possible when he thought about his mess of a life so as not to wake the man up. His mind was exhausted, his body was aching all over from being punched, and he sighed. 

He missed having Gwil's soft, slender hands caressing his skin and the now familiar warmth surrounding him. Gwil was so nice to him. Gwil cared for him, kissed him, loved him, and waited patiently for him all this time. Gwil made him fall so hard he barely knew what else was happening around, and then Gwil suddenly planned to expose Ben to the public behind his back. It hurt worse than being tortured by Tyler. At least he hated Tyler from the beginning. He had no idea what to say when he met all of them anymore. All he knew was that when he met Gwil, his weak little lonely heart would definitely become soft and he would fall into the same trap again.

.

.

.

Gwil's heart was beating so hard he could hear it slamming against his ribcage with every beat. It was the only thing he could hear, really. Everything else turned into white noise. His hands were shaking, but he didn't even notice it. All he did was imagining what horrible thing happened to Ben while he ran away.

He tried to follow the man right after he realized the evidence about his case was already sent up. He had never seen Ben that upset before - fuming rage spread from his expressions and eyes and voice. He was so hurt and betrayed all of his bottled up stress and fear turned into anger. Gwil knew Ben didn't have a good time being locked in his hotel, reading comments about his scandal online. He kept having nightmares, he kept losing his sleep at night, and sometimes Gwil worried he might even slip into depression. Gwil tried his best to help, but hearing about the evidence was the last straw.

Ben's disappearance freaked all of them out, especially Malcolm, Roger and Lucy. They knew it was because of their actions that Ben left. But all of them had no clue where the man could go to - he didn't pack, didn't have cash on him, didn't have anything, really. His cell phone was turned off. All they could do was waiting for him to finally return. Malcolm said with his monotonous voice that if Ben was missing over 48 hours, the police would get into action. 

Gwil wanted to scream into the man's face and slam it into the wall. He was the reason Ben ran away, and he acted like it had nothing to do with him, and the one missing was some stranger. Gwil almost raised his voice at Roger once, and the tension kept rising alarmingly every second passed by. At the end, Gwil decided to stay in the corner of the room as quietly as he could, and avoided eye contact with everyone. He didn't even want to be there. He just needed to know the news about Ben if something came.

Ben must have thought Gwil also wanted to betray him like that. He must have been devastated. What if he did something stupid? Did Brian… Did Brian try to end his life when he got depression? Ben wouldn't do that, would he?

The ringing of the phone made him almost fell off the couch he was sitting on. It was so sudden in the heavy silence of the room. He pulled out his phone to look at, and strangely enough, saw the name of Ben's doctor in Hertfordshire hospital. It rose a range of different fears and terrifying scenarios in his head about Ben's well-being, and he stuttered when he answered the call.

"Yes?"

"Mr. Lee, Mr. Hardy is in the hospital with us right now." Joe tripped over his feet while scrambling to Gwil's spot, and Gwil's hand shook. 

"Is--is there--What's the problem?"

"He's unconscious from a fight about half an hour ago." Gwil's eyes snapped open. "Apparently, he saw a woman being sexually assaulted by a drunk man and got in between them to help. He wasn't seriously injured, but we need you to come to him now."

They all stood up and shuffled to the door without hesitation or any question after that. None of them said anything on the way to the hospital, but he could sense Lucy, Roger and Malcolm's guilt seeping through the air. The worry in their haunted faces were clear. When they arrived, the receptionist at the desk didn't even ask for their names. She just pointed to the room at the end of the hallway, and they nodded before walking towards it.


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoo, sorry for the delay.  
> I was extremely sad that no one commented or anything, I really thought no one reads this fic anymore so why bother  
> But I guess my fanfiction child deserves more than that, so here's the new chapter

Ben was asleep when they got into the hospital room. All of them stayed quiet as they walked closer to his bed. Comparing to the last time they had to rush to the hospital to see Ben, he didn't look as battered and broken, which was relieving. He almost had no difference from five hours ago, except for the large bruise blooming on his left cheekbone, near his closed eyes. Seeing him like it made Gwil wanted to throw up. It was because of them that Ben left in such an angry state. If he was more calmed, he might have gotten out of there unharmed and called for some help. Next to him, Roger and Lucy seemed to think the same. Their stone cold expressions were long gone, and a worried frown replaced them. 

"The doctor said he's alright." Brian reassured them with a soft, quiet voice. "Just some bruises here and there, no bones broken, not even a sprained ankle. He's just tired from all the adrenaline."

"What got him into this street fight in the first place anyway?" Joe whispered to him, a hand reaching out to stroke Ben's blond hair. None of them dared to ask Gwil what happened when he got the phone call. He looked like he could eat them alive, and all of them followed him to the hospital without questions.

Not until when they all saw how relieved Gwil was, did Joe bring out his question.

Gwil sighed. "The nurse said he saw a woman almost being raped and he jumped in to help. The rapist got to him."

"Jesus." Joe's eyes went wide open as he looked down at Ben, still asleep. "God, he's not even fully healed. You saw how difficult it is for him to run or lift up some heavy books for a while. And he had to fight to save someone's life?"

"He…" Brian bit his lip. "I suppose he saw someone who needs the help that he needed before, with Tyler, and…"

Gwil turned around and walked out of the room. He tried not to feel familiar at the interior of the room from all the restless nights here spent with Ben. He didn't want to feel that at all. "Let's leave him to rest. We'll wait until he wake up."

They didn't say anything when they got to the waiting room. The tension was partly lifted, but the heaviest of it was still looming over them. Their argument. The reason Ben got away in the first place, creating this whole mess. It was still there, driving them apart, and making Gwil so mad he couldn't breathe. Sure, Ben would be awake any moment now, and he would recover quickly. But he would never be truly fine if the case was still there. All of the evidence about his past with Tyler was still on the verge of being exposed to the world, and they had to do something about it.

"We need to talk." Gwil looked straight at Malcolm at the back of the group, and the other man avoided his gaze. Malcolm let out a sigh and nodded.

"You're saying we have to pull the case back." He crossed his arms defensively, but his eyes still lowered, like he was guilty from making it worse for Ben.

"Yes. It's obvious why you have to." Gwil's voice was almost calmed, but his insides were boiling with rage. He couldn't imagine how someone claiming to care about Ben and love Ben could do something like that. It was just cruel. "You saw how much it hurt him, Malcolm. And I guarantee you, it'll hurt worse when things get out. I mean, articles about me and Ben kissing are nothing compared to what can happen, and Ben's already broken from facing them. What if those evidence tapes get leaked out and spread on the Internet? They'll never go away. They'll haunt him forever, and his career will nosedive. Have you ever thought of that?"

"It won't." Roger cut him off, and he turned his eyes to the man. "His career will not be destroyed because of him standing up to protect himself and other victims. Sure, there'll be some difficulties, but he didn't do anything wrong. If he's afraid of defending himself, then when will cheating and raping end in this industry? We need justice, Gwil. And Ben can bring it to everyone."

"You keep saying that I spoiled him and I only care about his feelings and not about other people." Gwil grumbled. "But has anyone stood up to call out on Tyler, or is it just Ben? He's completely alone in this. He will have to face the press and people's words alone. He didn't do anything to deserve becoming a sacrifice for some unknown victims."

"I am not unknown, Lee." Malcolm said, eyes smouldering. "I am one of them. And I stood up against Tyler. He's not alone."

"It doesn't give you the right to force him to do what you want!" Joe almost yelled. Brian sighed. It wasn't going anywhere like this. Joe had always been a time ticking bomb, and Malcolm was also extremely hot headed. They could start a fight right there and blow up the whole hospital.

"Guys, can we--"

"So it's you. Ben Hardy's cast mates." A voice said behind them, and they turned around to see a redhead woman coming out from another room, wearing the same hospital gown Ben was having. Her voice was soft, but a little shaky, and there was something unstable in her eyes. Like she had just been through something horrible, and hadn't yet recovered.

"Um… Do we know you?" Rami blinked, and the woman shook her head.

"But I know you. You're Ben's family. That's what they said in the records." She walked towards them and stuck out her hand. "I'm Rose Cameron. Ben just saved me from the rapist. It's kinda my fault he's in there."

Oh. So it was her. They never actually knew what happened to her after the fight, and their minds were so occupied with Ben that they didn't even wonder where she was. Now, of course, she needed to be taken care of after going through something so traumatizing. 

"I'm Gwilym Lee. I'm his…" Gwil swallowed. "Boyfriend."

"Yeah, I've read the news." She chuckled. "You two look great together."

"Thank you." He blushed a little, but quickly came back to his serious face. "Are you alright? It must be so terrible to suffer from what you did. I'm really sorry for that."

"Hey, it's okay. Your boyfriend did a wonderful job. I wouldn't get out of there in one piece if it wasn't for him. I'm really grateful."

"Thank God both of you are okay." Rami smiled at her. "We were so worried. Ben's still… weak, from his previous injuries."

"I'm sorry for pulling him into that mess. That monster was truly inhuman. He knocked Ben out when he wasn't paying attention, and I freaked out too." She gave them a tight smile. "It's great now that he's alright."

"Wait, what do you mean? I thought he rescued you from there." Joe blinked. "If he knocked Ben out, then who…"

"I did. I found a sharp piece of metal and stabbed it into his eyes." Rose scratched her neck. "It was a fight or flight moment, and I couldn't really run and abandon the only one who tried to help me, so yeah."

So it wasn't Ben who saved her, it was her saving herself. Alone, against a giant, aggressive man who wanted to rape her and hurt her. 

"He didn't save me physically, but if he didn't show up, I would never have enough bravery to fight back." She told them, eyes sparkling. "Your boyfriend's my savior, really."

Gwil nodded, but then his heart ached at the word boyfriend. "Yeah, but… I'm not sure if he even calls me that right now. Boyfriend."

Rose patted his shoulder. "He told me that he didn't want to see you guys. I don't understand why, but he seemed upset."

"Really? What did he say?" Gwil asked, and the woman shrugged.

"He didn't say anything. He still had his guards up around me. Someone clearly made him insecure, and he looked anxious."

That was them. The one who made Ben lose all of his faith in people. Right after giving him the hope of finally finding the ones who he could trust. Gwil took in a deep breath, sitting down and slumping against the chair.

"I mean, I understand why he's cautious, his face is getting all over the news right now and I guess it's not because he wanted to." She stepped closer to them. "But you can tell me what happened. I might be able to help. I won't betray him like that, I promise."

They stared at her quietly for a second, before Joe took the responsibility from a still stunned Gwil and told her everything from the beginning. Brian's sharp hazel eyes from the back silently warned the woman about being careful with this, or she'll have to pay, no matter who she was.

.

.

.

Ben woke up to a soft singing voice that reminded him of his mother's lullaby from the bottom of his memories. It was gentle and emotional and it suddenly filled him with peace. Music had long been an essential part of his life, especially Queen songs, and the one that voice was singing was one of his favorites. White Queen. It wasn't all upbeat and firey like other songs, it was slow, deep and had so many layers of meaning, and it was exactly what he loved.

He lazily opened his eyes and sat up to look for the source of the sound. It was clearly not Freddie Mercury's voice, but it was just so sweet he really wanted to know who it belonged to. Could be a cover video from Youtube, or a radio someone was turning on for him.

"Hey, you're up again." The singing stopped, and the same voice said chirpily. "It's almost dinner. Andy'll bring the food here for us in a minute."

It was her. It was Rose, the woman he (tried to) save hours ago. She was sitting on the bed next to his, playing with her acoustic guitar. Her red hair was bundled up and she smiled at him sunnily.

"How are you feeling, shining armoured knight?"

"Hn… Better." He groaned when the headache hit him. His cheek throbbed painfully. "Was that you singing White Queen?"

"Yeah." Rose shrugged. "Your castmates said it's your favorite song, so I figured I could sing a little as a thank you gift for saving my ass."

"Where are they now?" Ben looked around, but Rose shook her head.

"They came to visit you. But the doctor said you'll be fine in no time, and you told Andy you didn't want to see them anyway, so they just made sure that you're good before leaving."

That was a relief. He wasn't sure how he should react when Gwil rushing in asking if he was okay. He would definitely burst into a mess of upset tears and jump in to hug Gwil. Therefore, forgetting all of the things they did to him. It was unacceptable.

"Well, your voice is beautiful. Thanks." He finally said, and the woman grinned.

"I'm working my way into the music industry. I really hope I can make it as successfully as you."

"Ah. A singer. Nice." Ben nodded slowly, leaning back against the headboard, letting the ache in his body subside. She continued the song, filling the room with the melody that was so familiar, but never boring to him, and somehow gave him the content feeling he terribly lacked over the past few weeks. Even when the lyrics kinda reminded him of goodbyes, and everything came back to Gwil at the end.

The inevitable goodbye he had to say to Gwil and the rest of the cast. They had been his family, his best friends, but they asked for too much of him and forced him to give away a part of himself, to risk himself. It hurt. And when it hurt like that, he usually ran.

"So, Ben. I'm actually… not injured in the incident, you know." Rose fiddled with her fingers awkwardly. "So the doctors said I can go. I still have to take some sedatives to calm down for a few days, but other than that, I can leave tonight."

Ben halted for a second, before answering. "Good for you."

"But I'm gonna visit you everyday until you recover entirely." She reached over the gap to put a hand on his arm. "Your mates will do too."

He didn't want them to come. He just wanted to be left alone. And maybe plot his scheme to run away and disappear again. The last time he tried to escape, Gwil followed him and confesses his feelings, making Ben stay. Guess nothing could stop him now.

"I'm having a small gig at a pub down the corner tomorrow night, so I need to go home to prepare. Can't really sing here, it'll wake up coma patients." She joked, and he chuckled.

"You did wake me up, so that makes sense." He moved a little to a more comfortable position, and groaned a bit at the muscle ache. 

"Come see me tomorrow. The Succulent, only a few blocks from here. Your drink's on me." She said, genuine and honest, with a grateful smile on her lips. 

"I don't know, Rose, I'm still kinda sore…" Ben sighed, pointing at his bruised cheek. "And God knows what the press will do if they found out about me coming to a pub."

"Hey, just come. For one night." She pressed her lips together, eyes begging silently. "I know you're in a lot of troubles right now, but they said my songs are rather _inspirational_."

Ben swallowed for a few times, considering his aching body and his exhausted look, and then finally sighed.

"Sure, I'll be there."


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all of your comments! They motivated me a great deal. 
> 
> Here's the new chapter! The next one will be the moment of change!

"Ben, I'd like to talk to you about something." Andy said from his spot at the end of the bed, still eyeing Ben's records with a frown. It was his one of his usual visits to Ben to check out his process and give him his medication. The doctors were no longer needed because Ben's state was getting better, and he only need a few more days to finally be back to his healthy self. Well, as healthy as he could be. Andy had always been a good friend of his in the hospital, even spent time listening to him and sneaked in some treats. But ever since yesterday, he seemed off. Something had been bothering him about Ben.

Andy tried to be nonchalant with the question, but somehow Ben could sense his nervousness, and it spread to him as well. What could make his nurse nervous telling him? Was there something wrong with his physical state?

"Yeah?" Ben answered, looking at the man, arms crossed. 

"Well, I've never told anyone this, because I'm not sure why, but…" He hesitated before coming closer and lowered his voice. "Were you using drugs the whole time you stayed here? Like, ever since you got attacked and then after that and until now?"

Ben paled. He looked around frantically, as if to quietly find a reason to avoid that obvious question forever until he died. His throat got dried up as he stuttered. "Wha--what do you mean? Why would you--why would you say that?"

"Hey, hey, I'm not accusing you of anything, okay?" The man quickly tried to calm him down. "But--I've tested your blood samples from three different points of time and they're all positive to stimulants. It's really bad for your recovery. You need more help than we know."

"I--" Ben bit his lip, fumbling with the hem of his blanket. He curled up a little on his bed, not knowing what to say. He tried to stop using the drugs Tyler injected him with, he really did, but it was a mess, and it was hard. When he ran out of them, he found his own alternatives - drugs dealers lurking in dark alley or parks - and continued on.

Gwil and the rest of the cast already had enough things to worry about, taking care of him all the time. They all had their jobs, the things they needed to spend their time, and even some time to relax from the troubles he made. He didn't want to bother them with another darkside of him. Of course he didn't just lose himself in those drugs, he didn't, he tried to cut off the amount he took in every time to slowly be more independent. That way, he didn't have to go through more than he could handle, with the withdrawal and headaches and muscle sore. But when he left the hotel with so much anger and disappointment swirling inside of him, the only thing that he thought of could yield those feelings were the same kind of drugs. 

"I tried to cut it down each time." He mumbled defeatedly, curling back in. "But before I got into the fight, I was so upset and I took in much more than normal to cool down…"

"Jesus, Ben." Andy huffed. "You know how dangerous it can be for you, right? Your body's still wounded, and being dependent on something like that… It can take forever to heal. You might--you might never be fully recovered."

Ben shivered. He imagined himself like this - weak and run out of breath if he had to lift a finger, lungs broken and couldn't even run up the stairs for five minutes - and imagined how he would deal with this body for the rest of his life. He would always be tied to the drugs like Tyler having him on a leash even after the man got arrested (if that ever happened), and he would never escape the nightmare. He would be locked in that tiny, cramp wooden box, with no light nor air, forever. 

"It's not working if you keep going like this, Ben. You know that." The nurse sighed and squeezed his shoulders. "You need to drop all of it, right now. No more procrastinating, no more excuses. Now."

Ben took in a shaky breath. "It's--I tried, I thought it was easy, but--"

"It's hard. I know. I've seen cases like that all the time around here." Andy looked into his eyes. "But if you are determined enough, if you really want to have a life, you'll make it. With our help, and the help of your family."

"I don't have a family." Ben turned away. "That's not what they are."

"Ben, come on, they did everything for you." Andy groaned. "They care about you so, so much. You should have seen the number of times they got here to check on you while you're asleep. Whatever happened between you guys, you need to put it aside. They did it. For you."

But they still went on with the trial. Nothing changed, no matter how much he wished for it. He waited, he looked at every single paper he could find, but there was no news about dropping the case. Only more articles about how it was coming close, and questions about where he was and if he attended it. He waited, and waited, but the one thing he was desperate to see, didn't exist.

Andy stood up from his spot next to Ben on the bed and looked at him. 

"I'll give you time to think about it, yeah? Whatever suits you, we'll help. Just relax."

.

.

.

I'm sorry Rose, I'm not feeling well so I don't think I can come to your gig. Hope you have a successful performance. I promise I'll go to one of them when I get better.

Ben's finger hovered above the sending button, hesitating. He had typed out the message fifteen minutes ago and still hadn't sent it to Rose. He was torn between the nauseous, numbing pain tingling in his entire body and the pleading look of the woman when she invited him to come. He regretted following Andy's words so, so much because the pain was killing him, but deep down inside, he knew that was what he had to do. He couldn't wait any more days to start this. If he really wanted to be free, he had to be determined. 

And he wasn't even sure if he could survive his trip to the pub gig without having a bloody seizure on the floor. His muscles were trembling with every breath, and he couldn't stop sweating. Andy stopped by and gave him a cup of water with a worried gaze, but Ben couldn't even pull enough strength to grumble at him. The nurse just sighed and wiped the sweat away for him, tucking him in. It was hard. But only the beginning.

_ Hey, are you here yet? _

_ I'm here with a band from my college. I'm gonna be their lead vocal tonight. It's gonna be so cool! We're gonna be like Queen! _

His phone vibrated, making him jumped. The new message from Rose popped on the screen, and he groaned. She sounded so excited. He wanted to stay in his bed, but how could he do that?

_ I'm on my way. _

He slowly slid out of the bed and struggled to stand up. 

"Andy, I'm going to Rose's gig at The Succulent!" Thank God he told Andy about it earlier. "Do you mind giving me a ride?"

The nurse was nice. He agreed to break the rules and let Ben out of his room in a night to get to the gig. The man helped Ben to the car with patience, the kind of patience reminding him of Gwil. Of course, Gwil went through ten times more difficulties than Andy did doing this, and Gwil was willing to help Ben for weeks, months even, without any kind of salary. Andy was great, he was the kind of company Ben appreciated. He just wasn't Gwil. 

"I miss Gwil." He admitted, and his voice was so tiny Andy almost didn't catch it. Almost, because he could see the man smiling in the shadows of the driver's seat.

"Of course. You two are boyfriends. It's what boyfriends do. Think about each other." Andy shrugged.

"I still have some nightmares about the attack, and the withdrawal is killing me." Ben pulled a loose thread on the hem of his shirt. "It would feel a lot less horrible if he was here. He could, I don't know, sing me to sleep or rub my back or something."

And he was really warm. And his kisses were really soft. And his voice was really low and soothing. And he smelled so, so good.

Andy chuckled. He tapped his fingers on the wheel. "I'm sorry we don't have that kind of service in the hospital. I'll never be as good with my hands as your Gwil. But isn't that a reason you should come back to him? I mean, he has also been asking about you all the time. I even got annoyed."

Ben sighed and turned away.

When they arrived at the pub, the songs had already started. Andy dropped him into his seat before saying goodbye and came back to continue his shift. He was a little skeptical about leaving Ben here alone, but Rose promised she would take care of him, and gave him a seat near the stage so she could watch him all the time. The singer bought herself a gin and him a coke, and laughed. He rolled his eyes as he sipped on the beverage.

"So, what are you singing tonight?"

"Well, the list is long. But there's a lot of Queen songs in their for sure." She smiled at him. "It's for you, anyway."

"Thanks." He smiled back and waved at her before she left for the back stage. He was rather excited for this performance.

When he came here, his body was all jiggly and exhausted, but the opening songs brought the atmosphere up quite a bit. Ben had always been a fan of ballads, but rocks and electronic still lifted his spirit up. No reporters or cameras was around. Seemed like they had lost his tail, and he was a free man here. He really could do what he wanted without worrying about how people would see him. It was a relief.

Finally, the lights turned out to welcome their main performers for tonight. The introduction to the singer and the band was read through the speakers, and Ben waited to see his friend on stage. But he waited, and waited, and nothing came. Not even when the light got turned on. No one was on the stage.

He stood up, looking around for Rose. What happened to her? Could there be something wrong? Did some thug put her in trouble again?

A head of read hair poked out from the side, calling his name. Thank God.

"What's the matter?" He quickly went to her, and Rose sighed.

"I'm panicking here, Ben! Our drummer just got thrown in a cell for getting drunk and spraying paint on people's cars!"

"Well--you can still sing some ballads or acoustic." He blinked, tilting his head. Something told him it he wasn't going to like this one.

"I can't sing Queen songs without drums, you know that!" She huffed. "It's too late to get a new drummer. I think we need to cancel tonight. Or maybe…"

"No. No no no no no." He shook his head frantically. "I'm not going up there with you. I'm struggling to stand up right now! I can't hit the drums right!"

"Come on, you've been practicing with Roger Taylor! You know Queen songs by heart!"

"I haven't touched the drumsticks for months, Rose!" He threw his hands in the air. "I'm gonna mess everything up!"

"Well, a messed up performance is still better than no performance at all." She pulled his hand. "You're getting all rusty. This is a chance for you to get back on your feet! You can do it! Please?"

He looked at her begging eyes, the confused noise of the people in the club was like a ticking clock in his ears. They were expecting a performance, and right now he was the one who decided whether said performance could actually happen or not. His hands shivered a little, thinking about holding a pair of drumsticks after so long. It was terrifying. But was also exciting.

"Fine. Where's the stool? I can't stand for any more second."

"Yes!!!"


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for taking so long, I really want to finish the chapter early, I'm just so busy with school and housework and my part time job right now.
> 
> But the final day is coming close and I'm sure you'll be satisfied with how it turns out. I won't let you down!

When Gwil walked into the pub, all he wanted was a drink to drown away the tension that had been eating him from inside for weeks. He somehow managed to sneak away from the line of paparazzi to get out here alone, planning to get a little tipsy before coming to check on Ben later. He needed the alcohol to make the thought less painful. 

The atmosphere of the rooms they were staying in was suffocating him day by day - none of them smiled or talked to each other above a mumble. The day of trial was coming closer and closer, Roger, Malcolm and Lucy were busy preparing for the day while him, Joe and Brian had to try not to pick up a fight. Hurting Ben by exposing his past was the last thing Gwil wanted to do in the world, and he was worried that after this, Ben might actually run away again for real, and there was no way they could keep him, much less persuade him to stand up against Tyler. That man was hiring all of the top layers that people could find in the UK and the America, and just looking at him made Gwil nauseous. No matter how powerful Brian and Roger was in the industry, there was no way they could defeat Tyler with what they had, not without Ben's attendance. 

Sometimes Gwil wished that Ben could be there - unlike what Malcolm always thought, he did want to take Tyler down through this trial. He was angry at what Tyler did to Malcolm and Ben, and he did think that the monster deserved to spend the rest of his life behind bars. He did think that if only his boyfriend could be brave enough to face the pain in his past. But then that would be asking too much from Ben, and he couldn't risk driving the man away any further. Ben already thought Gwil was on Malcolm's side and chose to ignore him entirely.

Gwil tried to explain, to defend himself, but he had no chance of seeing Ben to say anything. The man kept avoiding him, and according to Andy, he was still to upset and stubborn to forgive Gwil. The hurt from being betrayed from time to time made his shell hardened now more than ever. He would listen to no one.

"Anything you think may make my life better." Gwil smiled cheekily at the bartender, and the woman rolled her eyes before turning away to make him a drink. While he was waiting, he turned around to look at the performance on the stage. It was probably some opening band for tonight's show, and they didn't sound so bad. He sighed and took in the melody, sipping his drink when he received it. The band's guitarist was not doing a very good job, though, and he slightly wished that he could get there to take the guitar from his hands to play for himself. 

Gwil stared at the guitar for a while, realizing how much he missed being Brian May. It sounded like ages ago when the four of them all practiced together like a band, and he had the luck of learning how to play the Red Special. It was surreal - like the most abstract dream of his suddenly became real. And whenever he played it with all of the concentration he had, he still felt the eyes of Ben on him. He was the drummer, sitting at the back, but Gwil always felt like he had to play the guitar perfectly when Ben was around, just to turn around after a difficult solo and bathe in the awe and admiration from Ben's eyes and smile. Joe always teased him about it. He compared Gwil to the pretty male birds that always flashes their colorful feathers and tails to impress the female, trying to win her over. Gwil scoffed when he heard that, but he knew it wasn't wrong.

He missed all of that. Being in a film, like any other actors, learning new skills, meeting new talented friends and co workers, and had a simple life. Before the attack, everything was simple. 

"And now, the wonderful singer and band you've always been waiting for," The stage suddenly turned black, introducing the main event. "Rose Cameron and The Dragons!"

Wait a minute. Rose Cameron? That name was so familiar…

The spotlight turned on, and Gwil squinted to see the singer's face, but the stage stayed empty. No one came up to perform. The pub started to have some confused chatter. Probably some technical problems with the band. After a few minutes of silence, the lights went off again, and when it turned on, all of the singer and the band was there, ready to play.

It was her! It was the girl Ben saved from the rapist! He thought she was still in the hospital, recovering, but seemed like she was stronger than he thought. Than anyone thought, really, because the crowd cheered for her unlike any other. She waved at them and smiled, confidence was like waves rolled off of her, spreading to the pub. She was truly mesmerizing. 

"Good evening, you lovely folks! I'm terribly sorry for my absence the past few days, but now I'm back, I just can't wait to get on this stage and sing for you guys." They cheered, and Gwil shrugged before clapping his hands as well. "Tonight's show will be all about inspiration. We'd like to inspire you through our performance, and I'd like to show you who inspires me."

She turned to gesture at a man behind the drums at the back of the stage, and Gwil gaped at the sight, heart froze in his chest. Ben! Jesus, he didn't even recognize his own boyfriend! 

Ben seemed just as stunned as Gwil was. He stared at the crowd, who was also staring at him, and turned to Rose, eyes panicking. He had tried to avoid the public for ages, and now suddenly everyone was looking at him. And they had to wonder about the bruises on his cheek.

"This is my savior. His name is Ben Hardy," Rose walked over to his spot. "He's the reason I still stand here today, and all I want is to let everyone know how great he is, as a person in general, and of course, as tonight's special drummer."

Gwil quietly looked around to check on the reaction of the people in the pub. Ben's image had been twisted into a cheater and basically a slut by Tyler's schemes, and there might be a lot of homophobic people among these strangers. Ben kissing Gwil on the street wasn't exactly something that everyone welcomed, especially when they thought Ben was using Gwil for sex while sleeping with Tyler for roles. Gwil's heart thumped in his chest as the pub went oddly quiet, all eyes on Ben. Gwil was ready to stand up and bolted for Ben to hide him away if something bad happened.

And then the whole pub erupted in applause. Gwil couldn't believe in his eyes. They were all applauding him with smiles and whistles and he could see Ben's cheeks flushed. It was simply the most adorable thing in the world. Clearly Ben wasn't used to so much positive attention.

"I almost got hurt by a rapist last week, but somehow Ben saw me and he didn't hesitate to help me with all he got even when it means risking his own life," Rose squeezed his shoulders, and he could hear some gasps from the crowd. "Even when he's still wounded after the attack that has been blowing the news off, as you already know. He was willing to sacrifice his gorgeous face for me, he inspired me to be stronger and stand up for myself. I owe him everything."

Another round of applause. Gwil could see a faint, nervous smile from Ben. He chuckled. God, he just wanted to kiss those plump lips right now. Ben still looked as stunning as the first time they met, even with the bruises, the pale complexion and the loss of muscles over the time. His green eyes were still deep and shining, his smile was still heart warming as always. He wanted to get closer and touch Ben so, so much. A kiss. A hug. A simple brush on his arms would be fine. Gwil craved for him.

"But that's not the point. The point we're here today is actually seeing him playing the drums." Rose waved her hand, strutted towards the center of the stage. "So how about we start with Doing All Right first, yeah?"

The people in the pub cheered, and the song began. Doing all right was one of the first songs Ben learnt on the drums, when he knew nothing about drums and lied his way into the audition. Gwil laughed to himself about the memory - Ben told him way after, when everything was set and they couldn't kick him out anymore. Gwil was shocked. And he laughed. Turned out there was more to him than a goodie two shoe Gwil always expected of him. Of course it didn't mean Ben still didn't know how to play the drums until now, in fact, he tried really hard and progressed far more than anyone from the cast. Even Roger saw some talent in him. It's been a while since Ben touched a pair of drumsticks, and Gwil was eager to see how it turned out.

It turned out wonderful.

Gwil had only heard faintly of Ben's singing voice from one of the scenes where they needed to mix his voice with Roger's original to make the soundtrack more realistic. He heard Ben's backup vocal that night, and it was one of the sweetest and warmest sound he had ever known. It was unlike Roger's gravelly and high voice, it was thick like honey, low and sending shivers down the audience's spine. It made Gwil's heart flutter every time his voice complimented Rose's. But the most amazing thing about the performance was how Ben's shy shell slowly cracked and fell apart as each song went by. At first, he was too reserved and stressed to do anything rather than hitting the drums with the sticks on his hands, but then the cheers from the people in the pub lifted the spirit, and in no time, he was glowing with pride, sweat glistening on his skin like a halo, a blinding grin on his face as he swayed with the rhythm and gave the crowd all the flares that they could ever expect from the Roger himself. Now, when Rose told all of them about the reason behind the large bruise on his cheek, no one seemed to question it any longer. And it somehow became a medal of pride, a symbol of victory shown to the world. Gwil missed that happy, confident and carefree Ben so, so much. And the more he looked, the more he was in love with that man.

The performance consisted of a lot of different songs, not only Queen's, but also others. The similarity among them was the way the lyrics and melody encouraged people, giving them more faith in themselves. And the sight of Ben sitting behind the drums - Gwil was sure he was the only one Gwil had eyes for, but whatever - made Gwil felt like he could fly from the sheer force of will and happiness. It was beautiful, it was bright and positive and unlike anything Gwil had to go through all this time. He was sure the same thing went with Ben.

But soon, the show went to an end - much to his and the pub's dismay - and Rose announced their final song for the night. The atmosphere was incredible, and Gwil couldn't keep smiling at how Ben was shining on stage.

"Alright, so this one last song," Rose spoke into the microphone, "is dedicated to my drummer, Ben."

Everyone yelled excitedly. They seemed to love Ben just as much as Gwil did. Behind the kit, Ben laughed, his cheeks flushed.

"He saved me, but I know he also has to struggle with his own difficulties. I can't help him directly, but I want to use this song, and your applause, to give them the strength that he needs to do the right thing." She turned to look at him, and the audience applauded again. Ben's eyes went wide. "It's scary, I know. But you can do it, for you, for all of us. You must not give up."

And that was how Ben missed the first beat into the song. But it was okay, because Rose's powerful voice was sending every word straight into his heart and Gwil's as well.

_ Take a hit, shoot me down, shoot me down _

_ But I will never hit the ground, hit the ground _

_ Playing dead, I'll never do _

_ Gotta keep an eye on you _

_ Patience is running thin, paper thin _

_ Promises broke again, what a sin _

_ Well it only feeds my energy _

_ So don't expect no sympathy _

_ Smoke, fire, it's all going up _

_ Don't you know I ain't afraid to shed a little blood _

_ Smoke, fire, it's all going up, all going up _

_ Oh oh oh, _

The sound of hands clapping along with the beat filled the pub, and it was like the air was on fire. Ben was drumming with all he had, but even from the distance, Gwil could see tears sparkling in his eyes.

_ Won't wave my white flag, no _

_ This time I won't let go _

_ I'd rather die _

_ Than give up the fight, give up the fight, give up the fight, give up the fight _

_ Won't wave my white flag, no _

_ Oh I won't go down slow _

_ I'd rather die _

_ Than give up the fight, give up the fight, give up the fight, give up the fight… _

.

.

.

"It was amazing, Ben! I can't believe it, you're so cool up there!" One of the blokes from the band jumped up and down when they walked off stage, and the blond man laughed. He was all sweaty, but he had never felt so good. The adrenaline was still running in his veins, spiking his heart up.

"You were great on stage, Ben." Rose patted his shoulder. "The pub's owner already asked us to perform again with you till the rest of the month."

Ben turned to look at her, eyes wide. "That's--I--"

"Hey, it's just a suggestion." She shrugged. "No big deal, Ben. Just think about it. Think about what you really wanna do and I'm sure you'll make a good decision."

Ben swallowed and continued to walk, but he didn't even pay attention to where he was going. Everything was a jumbled mess in his brain right now. The last song… White flag. He had heard it a few times, he could play the drums to its beat, but its lyrics never hit him so hard. It was beautiful, it crawled deep into his mind and dig up the tiger inside him. Tiger, the nickname Tyler gave him, making him sick every time he heard it. Rose's words were still fresh in his mind. Do the right thing. Do it, for you, and for us. Won't wave my white flag, no, this time I won't let go, I'd rather die, than give up the fight, give up the fight…

The trial was in two days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song Rose sang was White Flag by Bishop Briggs, it's the evolution song from the movie 6 underground and Ben's character picked that song for the scene  
> If you haven't seen it, you really should go check it out right now on Netflix  
> It's super entertaining, Ben had loads of screentime (not the most, but much more than I expected) and his character was both cool and adorable.  
> Honestly that film deserves more attention.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Gwil meet, because I miss them being together

Gwil tried his best to squeeze through the crowd cheering for his boyfriend to get closer to the stage. He considered about it for exactly one second - about if he should run after Ben and do something, anything, really, or if he should just let Ben have his own space especially while he was this happy. He knew Ben was still thinking that he was also trying to file the cases behind his back and seeing Gwil could ruin his mood, but he couldn't help it. It was pure coincidence that they were here together at the same time, and he knew it was some kind of destiny calling out for him. He had to see Ben.

But there were so many people standing up and applauding in joy after the performance, and it made it hard for Gwil to move. He still had a huge advantage, though, which was his remarkable height, and he used it as a way to navigate in the sea of people. His eyes stuck to the shadow of the blond head, and his legs kept moving. He was shoved multiple times and shoved others multiple times to finally approach the backstage, but all of the heat and sweat and annoyance disappeared when he saw the man up close. It was like he had never seen someone like Ben before.

It took his breath away. Gwil opened his mouth to call the man's name, it was so close, he just needed to utter a sound and Ben would turn around to see him, but somehow he couldn't call him. He hesitated, struggling for a minute. From his spot, Ben and the band were chatting so happily together, clearly the atmosphere of the pub had lifted his mood from before the small gig. He glowed, despite the lack of light from the backstage, and still the most beautiful thing Gwil had ever set his eyes on. But when he was about to call Ben's name, something blocked him. A vision flashed in his eyes, the pained expression Ben had when they last met, and how Ben could react when he saw Gwil there. He could lash out. He could ignore all of the explanation, he could run away again, and Gwil wouldn't know what to do. He swallowed, legs heavy, before suddenly someone pushed him from the side and he yelped.

"Whoa!"

Ben immediately turned to look at the source of the noise, and his eyes went wide open. Gwil got back on his feet and looked at Ben, gaping and stuttering. 

"Hey Ben I… I didn't know you were…" His voice died out, but Ben still looked at him questioningly, waiting for him to finish his sentence. "I had no idea you play here. What a coincidence."

Ben looked at Rose, and she pulled the band away, leaving the two of them alone. Well, not alone, but the people around them were too busy to care anyway.

"Okay… Is there anything you'd like to say to me?" Ben asked politely, and he was unreadable. Which made Gwil even more nervous.

"I… You did a great job. You drumming was amazing." He poured it out in a breath, and he could see the amusement lighting up on Ben's face.

"Thank you." The blond man smiled, but it was still rather tight and distant. "Anything else?"

"And I uh… I really want to tell you that I never wanted to give the tape and photos away without your permission. It's not my move, and I--I need you to know that I will never do anything to hurt you."

Ben pressed his lips together and looked away for a second, before nodding. "It's good to know."

"You know, they didn't mean to hurt you either." Gwil knew bringing this up would definitely piss Ben off sooner or later, but he couldn't help himself. "Please don't be mad at them, they were just--"

"It's alright. I understand. In fact, I--I don't think their action was entirely wrong, after all…" Ben blinked, eyes uncertain. "But it's not something I want to think about today. I'm--I'm heading back to the hospital. Do you want to tell me anything else before I have to go?"

"...I missed you." Gwil burst out, and it was like a rock had been lifted off his chest. He lowered his gaze. "I still do. The bed's cold without you."

He could hear Ben breathing in sharply, hands fumbling with the hem of his shirt, before whispering back. "I missed you too."

Gwil took a step closer, slowly, and cupped Ben's face. He nursed the warm cheeks between his palms, carefully avoiding the bruise, and sighed. Ben didn't jerk away when Gwil's blue eyes stared into his longingly, and his eyes fluttered close when they leaned in for a kiss. It had been the first human contact Gwil had for weeks, aside from Joe and Rami's pats on his back, and his insides melted at the touch. The cravings for Ben's touch flared up even more violently in his stomach, and he moved against Ben's chest, wanted to take in as much of the man's softness as possible. Gwil breathed in through their kiss, holding Ben flushed against him. And his heart cheered when he felt Ben's hands splayed on his back, pulling him even closer. The man's tongue moved against Gwil's, returning the kiss with equal vigor. 

A few seconds ago, Gwil planned on just placing a small peck on Ben's lips, just a little, to relieve his desire a bit. But the moment they touched, he couldn't stop. They stood there, eagerly kissing and touching every inch of each other, drowned in each other's scent. Ben pulled his arms while still maintaining the kiss and Gwil followed him blindly until they stopped in a booth in the corner and crashed in, desire dripping in the atmosphere. It was so natural - a couple that had just gotten through a misunderstanding, finally back together and missed each other like crazy. Gwil felt Ben pushing him down onto the seat and sitting into his lap, holding him tightly. His erection was pressed into Ben's between their laps, sending frictions all over his body, but he halted himself. He stroke Ben's back gently, looking up at him. His fingers hesitated.

It seemed natural, but it wasn't. They had never done anything like this before. They tried having sex, of course, but it reminded Ben of what Tyler did to him, and he never let Gwil take off his shirt because of the scars and marks on his body. The furthest they had reached was kissing each other's bare necks and falling asleep on the same bed, cuddling each other. He would have groaned if it was what something a dumb protagonist in a romantic movie did, because Jesus, it was dumb, but when he was in the situation himself, Gwil didn't have a second thought. Whenever he looked at Ben, he felt a rush of confidence and hope. He had hope for what they were trying to build - a long lasting, beautiful and loving relationship. They just needed a little more time. If that was what it took to make Ben feel safe, he would do it. And seemed like it was the end of his waiting, after all.

"It's okay, Gwil." Ben whispered in his ears, making him shiver. "I want this. I want you."

Gwil moved to kiss him again, but his hands didn't move from Ben's back despite the blond man's rubbing on him. He held Ben back and looked into his green eyes. "Ben, what--what's gonna happen after this?"

"What do you mean?" Ben tilted his head.

"We're not exactly on the same page right now, Ben. I really want you to come back, but you want to stay in the hospital until, I don't know, forever. Maybe you'll find some way to disappear again, like last time." He swallowed, tried not to sound so desperate. "Have you ever… thought of it?"

Ben knew, he knew how his answer can turn everything sideways - it would be so much worse or better, depending on it. But he also knew that lying would be the worst thing he could do to Gwil. "...Yeah. I… I'm planning to go before the trial." Even when I'm questioning myself now. Very hard. 

"Sure, of course I--I'd love to be the one that you trust enough to let me touch you, but what's gonna happen between us after tonight? It's the day of the trial in a few days and I had agreed to go there to help Malcolm. He'll need the help. But you... I can't just--kiss you and have sex with you and then watch you leave me again for good."

The words hit Ben just as hard as it did to Gwil. He froze in Gwil's lap, eyelashes fluttering as he turned his gaze sideways. He looked torn - like he was trying to speak his mind, but too afraid that Gwil would be heartbroken over it. Or like he wasn't even sure what he would do after this. He was just as clueless as Gwil. 

"I mean, I love you, and you're like the wettest dream I could ever have," Gwil chuckled, but couldn't hide the way his voice shook. He traced his hand over Ben's chest and the hammering on his ribcage was drumming on his fingers. "But I--I can't focus on sex if this is the last time we ever see each other."

"This--I'm planning to leave, Gwil, you know how much it hurts me staying here and being exposed to all the vultures out there." Ben cupped his cheeks, trying to make him understand. "But it's--the performance earlier changed something in me, Gwil. You coming here telling me this changed something. I'm just not sure--I don't know if I should stay. Will it worth the inevitable pressure that this trial will put on me?"

"I don't know, Ben." Gwil bit his lip. "I need your decision, your final one. It's either getting away and being free, leaving us behind, or staying here facing it all and we will be with you every step of the way. You can't have both."

Ben curled up, moving from Gwil's lap to the spot next to him. The taller man sighed and kissed his hair before murmuring.

"I will still be waiting, if you ever choose me."

And he got up and left. It was one of the most difficult thing he's ever done.

.  
.  
.

"Okay, why are you looking worse than when you left in the evening?" Joe asked from his spot on the coffee table, and Gwil just shrugged as he left for his bed. Ever since Ben left, Joe insisted on moving both him and Gwil into a room with two single beds so Gwil wouldn't be lonely.

Gwil was grateful for that most of the time, but right now, he wasn't. He didn't want to tell anyone about what happened - he wasn't ready for being judged yet. Some people might tell him he was right to do that, some people might tell him he was an idiot. And Joe was never known to be subtle.

"Nothing, just--" Gwil mumbled. "The band was boring."

Joe narrowed his eyes at him, but said nothing. He focused back on the phone in his hand, probably reading the news. He was always alert of everything the public had to say about Ben or anyone of them, and there were times Gwil was woken in the middle of the night from his grunts about the stupid article Joe had just came across. Gwil sighed before coming into the bathroom to brush his teeth. The mess with Tyler changed everything about them. Before this, Joe spent his free time reading comic books and playing Candy Crush, or maybe going out for a drink. Now, when every word or action could be used against them, they didn't dare to go out. This evening was a giant risk that Gwil took because he was too sick of staying inside, and even then he kept looking over his shoulders all the time, afraid that some paparazzi can jump out from a bush and capture him. Joe stopped caring for himself, really, he was worried too much about Ben to play games. All he did all day was finding out how the press was destroying Ben's image and bombard the newspaper's building with complaint letters. He also called Ben's doctors all the time to check on his friend, and sending him flowers and fruits. Joe always spoke his mind, and he never stopped telling Gwil how much he missed Ben and wanted to finish all this so his "bestest friend in the world" could be free.

When Gwil came back, Joe was already sprawled out on his bed and staring at him. He raised his eyebrows at the redhead man.

"What?"

"You're not telling me something." Joe said, and Gwil nodded before lying down on his own bed.

"I can't tell you. Can't guarantee it's a smart move." 

"It has something to do with Ben?" Joe asked, not looking at him anymore, and Gwil grunted a yes. He wondered if he should just spill it to Joe that hours ago, it might had been the last time he could see Ben in his life. It hurt when he thought of it.

Joe stayed silent for a while, before speaking again. "Well, in that case, it can't be that bad. Doesn't matter how dumb your moves are, Ben will always fall head over heels for you. He wouldn't change his mind."

"You seemed so sure about that." Gwil chuckled. 

"Because I have eyes, giraffe." Joe rolled his eyes. "You two are just a pair of hopeless lovebirds. He'll come back for you. You'll see."

Gwil closed his eyes. "...Do you think he will show up at the trial at all?"

"I don't know for sure, Gwil. What do you think?"

"I'm not sure, either. Every logical reasons tell me he won't." Gwil bit his lip. "But I have a feeling that somehow he will."

"Guess we'll just have to wait."


	25. Chapter 25

What was the name of the song Rose sang the other night? Gwil shuffled through his playlist, remembering very well he had downloaded it somewhere in his phone. He got really drunk last night, finally spilling out his heart to Rami and Joe about how he met Ben at the pub and watched him drumming, and woke up with a horrible hangover. To be honest, he shouldn't have done something like that right before the day of the trial, but then, he had never been the one to handle the pressure. And he needed something to distract him from the shivers that never stopped running down his spine from just thinking about seeing Tyler. 

He couldn't believe that he saw that monster, worked with him, trusted him and even smiled at him, while behind everyone's back, he was still torturing Ben every night. Gwil hated to think how he lived such a happy life while having no idea what Ben had to go through at the exact moment. The reason he didn't notice anything wrong was unacceptable, and his anger boiled inside him, screaming at him to destroy Tyler.

Cheddar woke up immediately when Gwil was awake, and quickly ruffled from his spot next to the bed to Gwil's feet and wagged his tail crazily. The poor pup was so emotional and sad these days when Ben was no longer there to play with him. Sometimes, Gwil was worried that he could forget about one of his dads forever. Gwil scratched his ears and sighed. 

"You think your daddy Ben will come back to us?"

The puppy barked happily, and Gwil chuckled. He didn't want to admit how a part of him think that Malcolm was right. Doing this could bring Tyler down for good, and that was what Ben deserved. It was just too hurtful to see the public twisted and made up things to insult Ben and personally attack him with words. Gwil's heart shook every time he imagined how Ben's image would be damaged after this. Ben was one of the most fragile souls he had ever known. Doing this could drive him away forever. Gwil was always in the same tensed state, torn between bringing Tyler down and keep Ben safe, for so long now, he thought he might snap at some moment. He had a tingling feeling that somehow Ben might come back to attend the court and take Tyler down with them, but his logical reasoning mind told him not to put up any hope. He needed something to strengthen him to go through this, and that song was perfect.

Ah, there it was. Gwil put the song on speaker and walked into the bathroom, started on his daily routine. Of course, not without some aspirin first. For the hangover, and for what's to come.

_ Put an X on my chest _

_ But I'm still standing cause I won't forget _

_ The hell on Earth you put me through _

_ I saved myself in spite of you _

Lucy kissed Rami's hair before sitting up as quietly as possible in order to not wake him. The man had been rather distant these days, and she couldn't blame him. She looked at the bedside clock to check on the time, and started to slowly move off the bed when she knew it was time. It was today. Everything went down today. It was the day of the trial, where they brought Tyler's crimes to light, and unleash every single one of his victims. There was one thing that she had never told anyone, not Ben, not Gwil, nor Rami, was that she and Roger helped Malcolm in finding the people like him and Ben. They worked together to gather their announcements, to encourage them to step forward to join them in this mission and free themselves. Most of them were afraid, of course, just like how Ben was scared for his life. Some of them even got threatened by armed thugs, like how Danny Owen was sent to give Ben some warning stabs, just a little less reckless. Tyler learned from his mistakes, and didn't leave a trail for them to follow this time. But they trusted the victims, did everything in their power to help them, and promised to give them justice. Ben might not want to attend the trial, but in the end, their victory would also set him free.

_Are you ready for today, Lucy?_ Her phone brightened up with a message from Roger, and she smiled as she texted a short yes.

Roger didn't want to show it off. They needed to keep that mission a secret to prevent being ambushed by Tyler, that was why they didn't tell Joe, Brian, Rami, Gwil and Ben about it. She knew how much it broke Roger's heart seeing the boy he considered his own son being hurt to no end and disappeared for hours. Not just Ben, all of them were like babies to him and he cared about them in every single way. But the man had a cool head, unlike how people described him. He knew their priority, and he'd rather suffering from being misunderstood, than putting the people they helped in danger. Lucy admired his determination more than anything, and she showed it by doing her part of the job harder and harder. Lucy got into the bathroom to clean up, preparing for the day.

Gwil told them Ben was going to leave the country again, like he originally planned. He should be long gone by now. If only he could see how much everyone here cared for him and loved him.

_ Smoke, fire, it's all going up _

_Don't you know I ain't afraid to shed a little bloo_ d

"Hey, Lucy." A low voice made her jump, almost yelling on top of her lungs and throwing her phone in his face.

Sitting on top of the closed toilet seat was Ben. The exact Ben that had just been on her mind. Ben!

"Ben! What--why are you here?!" Her eyes should be in the size of dinner plates now. But Gwil told them Ben was running away again. And she couldn't think of another reaction that suited him better.

"Yes, I'm glad to finally see you too." The man rolled his eyes sarcastically, but it all quickly went away when she got closer and wrapped him in a tight hug. God. 

"This is--Gwil told me you won't be here for the trial. Did you change your mind?" She whispered to him, grinning like an idiot. She couldn't believe Ben decided to stay.

The man nodded slightly, and returned her hug. He seemed surprised, but she didn't blame him. All Ben knew was how cold and ruthless she was towards him. He didn't know how guity she felt for saying those words.

"Yeah I… I think about the Tyler stuff, everything." Ben sighed. "I was scared, really, I still am, but it's worth the risks. Someone told me that people can only help me if I help myself. You did everything you could. If I gave up and just let him do whatever he wanted, all you risked for me was for nothing."

Lucy laughed lightly, stroking his hair with all the gentleness in the world. She couldn't believe it. Something had changed him, probably that girl he saved, Rose, and now with him, their chance of winning this was incredible.

"I'm so sorry for hurting your feelings, Ben." She said, pressing her lips together. "We needed to file the case up."

"It's okay, I understand. Your decision was right. I have to grow stronger. I can't stay like this." He pointed at the bruise on his cheek. "I need your help with some makeup, Lucy. I want to look my best."

"Oh, it's not that serious." She smiled, tracing the bruise with her fingers. "Are you sure you need that? Just you showing up is already a miracle to us."

"Well Sansa Stark looked amazing the day she convicted to have Littlefinger executed, so I guess I do." He said, eyes so cold and piercing it scared Lucy for a moment, before he grinned. "Is that okay with you?"

_ Smoke, fire, flares are going up _

_ Flares are going up _

_ Oh oh oh _

**Breaking news**

**Today is the official day for the trial of Easton Tyler, a director and producer well known for his X Men franchise and many other superhero movies and TV series. These months, he has been facing a lawsuit from Malcolm Chase and Ben Hardy, a police officer and an actor respectively, saying he had been sexually harassing and abusing them for a long time. Tyler denied all of their statements and announced that he would end this "ridiculous, envious and backstabbing lawsuit" today, in front of the public. A lot of actors and producers in the entertainment industry stood up to defend for Mr. Tyler, claiming that he has always been a good man and the charges were "absurd", while the two members of Queen Roger Taylor and Brian May only stated once, that they support Chase and Hardy.**

**This lawsuit led to so many arguments in the news as well as the Internet in these past months, and despite being called a cheap marketing campagne after the horrendous attack on the set of Bohemian Rhapsody, the actor of the Queen biopic still continued with his lawsuit, saying he wasn't afraid to tell the truth.**

_ Won't wave my white flag, no _

_ This time I won't let go _

_ I'd rather die _

_ Than give up the fight, give up the fight, give up the fight, give up the fight _

"There he is! It's Ben Hardy!"

A yell snapped Gwil from his inner dark cloud, and he almost whipped his head back, trying to search for the image that he had been waiting for for so long. The sling of hope inside him bursted into a million sparkle of joy and confidence - there he was! Coming with Lucy and Rami, stepping out of the car in the most gorgeous and attractive pastel pink suit, black leather boots and a pair of sunglasses. His blond hair was like a halo around his face, and that moment, Gwil knew what people meant when they said 'battle angel'. Because Ben looked so calmed and powerful with every step that made everyone just wordlessly moved out of his way. All of the noisy, flashy reporters and paparazzis with their cameras and yelled interrogations, some tried to get to Ben, but he cut through the crowd like a hot knife on butter. It was indescribable, really. 

And Ben went straight to him, who was still frozen at the door ever since the blond man showed up.

_ Won't wave my white flag, no _

_ Oh I won't go down slow _

_ I'd rather die _

_ Than give up the fight, give up the fight, give up the fight, give up the fight _

"Hey." Ben finally said when they all got inside the building, and Gwil grabbed him by the collar for a deep kiss. He could feel Ben smiling into the kiss just like he did.

"You made it." He chuckled as their hands intertwined, and Ben's green eyes sparkled behind his sunglasses.

"I guess at the end, I still choose you."

They kissed again, until everyone swarmed into the room, surrounding them in hugs. Brian, Malcolm, Joe, Roger, Lucy, Rami, Rose, everyone came. They all looked at him with encouraging eyes, and Roger whispered to him. 

"We found a lot of other people like you who agreed to stand up against Tyler." He said, holding Ben's shoulders. "You coming here today will save them from that arsehole."

Ben blinked in disbelief. Malcolm and Lucy nodded next to him, and he had to try not to burst into tears when they hugged. "Thank you, Roger. Thanks everyone. I can't do this without you guys."

"Come on, let's get inside and slay him." Joe pulled Ben out of the way. "I wanna have a party when we get back."

It wasn't that easy, he knew it. It might take him and them a long time to win, to recover and then finally get back to their film like they did at the beginning. The haters would continue to torture his thoughts for even longer. But when he looked at Gwil, and when he looked at them, nothing could make him feel more safe and strong. He knew he could do this. Gwil held his hand and kissed him for the last time before they got into the courtroom. Everything would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And I think that should be the end of our journey!  
> I know it looks a little too soon to be finished, but I want it to be open and hopeful. They're going to be fine, as I told you guys.
> 
> Thank you guys so so much for supporting me this whole time. It's incredible to be in a fandom that is still alive and in a ship that people love each other. It's such an honor of mine to give this fic to you.
> 
> I'm currently having ideas for some other Harlee and Nightangel oneshots, so I'll be back!

**Author's Note:**

> A comment can be a huge motivation! Please tell me what you think!


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